tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-268669732024-02-19T18:27:55.580-06:00Synergy COUNSELING CENTERHistory and experience have brought us to one absolute realization ... life isn’t always easy. The success that many of us enjoy often comes at a great price. And our happiness and fulfillment depends a great deal on our ability to solve everyday problems. Sometimes ... we need a little help.Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.comBlogger303125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-85566517349155594892017-10-09T15:58:00.001-05:002017-10-09T15:58:29.501-05:00World Mental Health DayOctober 10th is World Mental Health Day, a day which aims to raise awareness of mental health issues around the world.<br />
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Watch for awareness articles on this blog.Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-10988046445463995172017-07-22T13:35:00.001-05:002017-08-08T21:52:20.875-05:00New Huntsville, AL LocationSynergy Counseling Center has opened a new location in Huntsville, AL which is now accepting new patients.<br />
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Synergy Counseling Center<br />
7734 Madison Blvd.<br />
Suite 120<br />
Huntsville, Alabama, AL 35806<br />
(256) 716-8279<br />
www.SynergyCounselingCenter.netDon G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-51638825618700653182016-06-10T08:21:00.002-05:002016-06-10T08:21:32.996-05:00Articles for CouplesArticles for Couples<br />
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Link - <a href="http://evolutioncounseling.com/category/couples/">http://evolutioncounseling.com/category/couples/</a>Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-52169412435222710972016-06-10T08:09:00.002-05:002016-06-10T08:09:31.300-05:00Useful Apps<h1 style="border: none; color: #666666; font-family: 'Century Gothic', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 22px; line-height: 24px; margin: 10px 10px 20px 0px; padding: 0px;">
Useful Apps</h1>
<h2 style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dotted; border-bottom-width: 1px; color: #666666; font-family: 'Century Gothic', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-style: italic; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px 0px 5px;">
Behavior Management</h2>
<ul style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Verdana; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; list-style-type: none; margin: 10px 10px 15px 30px; padding: 0px;">
<li style="letter-spacing: 0.05em; line-height: 21px; list-style-type: disc; margin: 0px 0px 20px 10px; padding: 0px;"><a href="http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/iearnedthat/id366144564?mt=8" style="color: #339999; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank" title="iEarnedThat">iEarnedThat</a></li>
<li style="letter-spacing: 0.05em; line-height: 21px; list-style-type: disc; margin: 0px 0px 20px 10px; padding: 0px;"><a href="http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/irewardchart-parents-reward/id341306389?mt=8" style="color: #339999; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank" title="iRewardChart">iReward Chart</a></li>
<li style="letter-spacing: 0.05em; line-height: 21px; list-style-type: disc; margin: 0px 0px 20px 10px; padding: 0px;"><a href="http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/time-timer/id332520417?mt=8" style="color: #339999; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank" title="Time Timer">Time Timer</a></li>
</ul>
<h2 style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dotted; border-bottom-width: 1px; color: #666666; font-family: 'Century Gothic', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-style: italic; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px 0px 5px;">
Child Therapy</h2>
<ul style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Verdana; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; list-style-type: none; margin: 10px 10px 15px 30px; padding: 0px;">
<li style="letter-spacing: 0.05em; line-height: 21px; list-style-type: disc; margin: 0px 0px 20px 10px; padding: 0px;"><a href="http://www.myplayhomeapp.com/" style="color: #339999; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">My PlayHome</a></li>
<li style="letter-spacing: 0.05em; line-height: 21px; list-style-type: disc; margin: 0px 0px 20px 10px; padding: 0px;"><a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/rorys-story-cubes/id342808551?mt=8" style="color: #339999; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Rory’s Story Cubes</a></li>
<li style="letter-spacing: 0.05em; line-height: 21px; list-style-type: disc; margin: 0px 0px 20px 10px; padding: 0px;"><a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/meebie/id577512732?mt=8" style="color: #339999; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Meebie</a></li>
</ul>
<h2 style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dotted; border-bottom-width: 1px; color: #666666; font-family: 'Century Gothic', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-style: italic; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px 0px 5px;">
Mindfulness</h2>
<ul style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Verdana; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; list-style-type: none; margin: 10px 10px 15px 30px; padding: 0px;">
<li style="letter-spacing: 0.05em; line-height: 21px; list-style-type: disc; margin: 0px 0px 20px 10px; padding: 0px;"><a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/the-mindfulness-app/id417071430?mt=8" style="color: #339999; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">The Mindfulness App</a></li>
<li style="letter-spacing: 0.05em; line-height: 21px; list-style-type: disc; margin: 0px 0px 20px 10px; padding: 0px;"><a href="http://www.mentalworkout.com/store/programs/mindfulness-meditation/" style="color: #339999; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Mindfulness Meditation</a></li>
</ul>
<h2 style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dotted; border-bottom-width: 1px; color: #666666; font-family: 'Century Gothic', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-style: italic; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px 0px 5px;">
Positive Thinking/Positive Psychology</h2>
<ul style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Verdana; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; list-style-type: none; margin: 10px 10px 15px 30px; padding: 0px;">
<li style="letter-spacing: 0.05em; line-height: 21px; list-style-type: disc; margin: 0px 0px 20px 10px; padding: 0px;"><a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/happier/id499033500?mt=8" style="color: #339999; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Happier</a></li>
</ul>
<h2 style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dotted; border-bottom-width: 1px; color: #666666; font-family: 'Century Gothic', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-style: italic; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px 0px 5px;">
Anxiety</h2>
<ul style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Verdana; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; list-style-type: none; margin: 10px 10px 15px 30px; padding: 0px;">
<li style="letter-spacing: 0.05em; line-height: 21px; list-style-type: disc; margin: 0px 0px 20px 10px; padding: 0px;"><a href="http://www.allisonjedwards.com/" style="color: #339999; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Anxiety Tracker</a></li>
</ul>
Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-47892020644358720602016-05-15T00:47:00.005-05:002016-05-15T00:47:43.479-05:00The Importance of a Good Night's Sleep in Combatting Anxiety<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisCUU6Deq-UnyNc-hATIQPgfest-uhj7749XjD-u5jnsAQ3hvI4XQXqKwCRXJJWsJJIuml2EYWlSsVkoh2ZZOvzCXoRqbvdYOKWUfS1QngK7je8NKS6WBBkxS0pJrbqK-DIrxyjA/s1600/anxiety_lady.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="141" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisCUU6Deq-UnyNc-hATIQPgfest-uhj7749XjD-u5jnsAQ3hvI4XQXqKwCRXJJWsJJIuml2EYWlSsVkoh2ZZOvzCXoRqbvdYOKWUfS1QngK7je8NKS6WBBkxS0pJrbqK-DIrxyjA/s320/anxiety_lady.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
It can be a vicious cycle - you can’t sleep because you feel anxious, but then the lack of sleep increases your anxiety. When you enter this cycle, it seems never ending. You feel tired most of the time because you can’t sleep, which makes it more difficult to deal with the stress in your life; Yet every time you try to close your eyes, you start worrying, and sleep becomes elusive.<br />
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Scientists at the University of California, Berkeley, used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to measure brain activity in people who were sleep deprived. They found that those who were “anxious by nature” suffer more harm from sleep deprivation and are more likely to develop an anxiety disorder than those that are not considered anxious by nature.<br />
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During the study, researchers found that sleep deprivation caused the same regions of the brain to fire up as are active in those with anxiety disorders.<br />
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Previously, it wasn’t known whether there was a ‘chicken and egg’ dilemma: Does lack of sleep lead to anxiety, or does an anxiety disorder lead to sleep deprivation? The scientists believed this study helped answer the question. They concluded that sleep loss triggers brain activity that is associated with anxiety. This has led the researchers to believe that sleep therapy might also be a viable treatment for reducing anxiety levels.<br />
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The study consisted of a small sample size of 18 participants. The researchers designed a test, where each participant was shown 90 images, which were preceded by a sign as to whether the image would be neutral or grisly. They were sometimes shown a question mark first, indicating the image could be either. The test was performed twice - one after a good night’s sleep and once after a sleepless night. <br />
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In the test after a sleepless night, participants showed increased activity in the emotional brain centers. Those participants who were naturally anxious showed an even more dramatic increase in activity in these areas. According to Matthew Walker, PhD, the lead author of the study, “The discovery illustrates how important sleep is to our mental health...both from a cause and a treatment perspective.”<br />
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What is sleep deprivation?<br />
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Sleep deprivation simply means you don’t get enough sleep. If that’s the case, you aren’t alone. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, anywhere from 7 to 19 percent of adults say they don’t get enough sleep. Between 50 and 70 million adults in the United States have chronic sleep problems. Besides increasing feelings of anxiety and depression, not getting enough sleep is linked to heart disease, kidney disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, stroke and obesity.<br />
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How much sleep you need varies through your lifespan. However, The National Sleep Foundation recommends that adults between the ages of 26 and 64 get between 7 and 9 hours of sleep each night (with a minimum of 6 and maximum of 10 hours). Adults 65 and older should be sleeping between 7 and 8 hours each night (with a minimum of 5-6 and a maximum of 9).<br />
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Tips for a better night’s sleep;<br />
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<ul>
<li>Go to sleep and wake up at the same time each day, even on weekends. </li>
<li>Create a relaxing bedtime ritual, such as a warm bath or reading in bed before turning off the lights.</li>
<li>Turn off electronic screens about an hour before going to bed. The blue light of electronics can signal “wake messages” to your brain, keeping you more alert.</li>
<li>Exercise each day. Complete your exercise routine early in the day or at least one hour prior to bedtime. Exercising too close to bedtime can actually keep you awake. </li>
<li>Make sure your bedroom is comfortable. Set the temperature so you are comfortable, use relaxing sounds and determine the level of light that provides the most comfort. Make sure your mattress and pillow is comfortable.</li>
</ul>
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If you still have trouble falling asleep it might be time to talk with your doctor about other treatments and options.<br />
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<i>[Eileen Bailey, Health Guide]</i>Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-83470534892150179232015-10-28T11:03:00.003-05:002015-10-28T11:03:34.799-05:003 Small Signs You’re Getting Out of a DepressionIt’s a tough call, but, when you are slowly getting out of a depression, you do things in your daily life that shift a little. I sit here writing this blog with a bowl next to me with watermelon in it. A house necessity that I just bought for 99 cents last week. I call it my “bolate” cause it’s not a bowl, or a plate, but somewhere in-between. Shocking I’ve gone this long without a proper bowl. It’s nice to have something other than one plate, one fork, plastic spoons, and two glasses in my freezer. (Everyone wants cold drinks so all my glasses are in the freezer.) So why did I decide to buy a bowl finally? I think the well overdue purchase is a sign that I am taking better care of myself. And it makes me think of other recent occurrences that have shifted.<br />
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Here are some signs that I am getting out of my depression:<br />
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<b>I Get Annoyed</b>: Instead of being apathetic toward certain things, I see that my curtains behind my bed were put up when I was depressed, and they weren’t hung prioperly. It looks sloppy and I think, when you are depressed, you might just be happy that you were able to hang curtains but now it doesn’t fit. Fixing the curtain seems like a minor achievement but, thankfully, it’s a small sign of getting out of a depression.<br />
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<b>Socialization</b>: Either I think about going out and leaving the isolation I’m accustomed to, or take a walk. I find myself taking more walks. When I see myself stopping at a new joint, Clifton’s Café on Broadway, for a sandwich it’s a step toward interacting with people at the sandwich bar, at the register, simply being among people in general is a sign of climbing my way out of a depression.<br />
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<b>My Tolerance Level</b>: And this is a big one. My tolerance level shifts. I wake up and look around and see signs of my depression and hear myself in my head say, “I’m not putting up with this anymore!” Once you start being fed up with your depression and hear yourself motivating you to turn things around, you’re on your way… 😉<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">[By Erica Loberg - PsychCentral]</span></i>Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-53395008692930145512015-10-19T16:44:00.002-05:002015-10-19T16:44:09.717-05:00Do You Need Discernment Counseling?How do you know when it’s time to file for divorce?<br />
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Well, there’s a new therapy designed to help you decide. It’s called “discernment counseling,” and it was developed by family therapist Dr. Bill Doherty.<br />
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He says traditional marriage counseling focuses on helping couples solve their problems. But discernment counseling is more about helping struggling couples figure out if they’re ready to divorce, or if they want to stay married and work through things. Dr. Doherty says, with most couples who are on the brink, there's one person “leaning out” - who's ready to leave, and one who's “leaning in,” and wants to fix things. Discernment counseling helps the leaning-out spouse decide if the decision to leave the marriage is the right one, and helps the leaning-in spouse cope in a way that doesn't make the situation worse. For example: He teaches you not to beg them to stay, make threats, or behave in a way that pushes your spouse away even more.<br />
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Dr. Doherty’s counseling takes 5 sessions, and he has the couple examine what was good about their marriage, and what got them to this point.<br />
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Then, he lays out three alternatives:<br />
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Stay in the marriage “as is” divorce, or try a six-month reconciliation with relationship therapy.<br />
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Dr. Doherty has found that with discernment counseling, nearly half of the couples decide to reconcile. The problem is, most couples wait too long to face their problems, to the point where their relationship has completely dissolved.<br />
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That’s why Dr. Doherty says one of the surest ways to save your marriage is to speak up when your commitment begins to waver. Otherwise, you risk having your spouse “check out” emotionally, until they become too distant to even consider a reconciliation.<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">[© THE TESH MEDIA GROUP 2015. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.]</span></i>Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-74071655154165089262015-10-11T11:46:00.000-05:002015-10-11T11:46:07.964-05:00Prayer: The Secret to a Lasting Marriage“The family that prays together stays together.” The old adage is more accurate than we realized. Multiple US surveys reveal that although the divorce rate for Christians is about the same as those outside the church, Christian couples that pray together have a divorce rate of less than one percent! In fact, it is the most reliable factor for predicting long-term marital satisfaction. Praying together has a real and dramatic effect in creating oneness and intimacy in marriage.<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">[Dr. Bill Clark]</span></i>Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-13886760476695092772015-10-07T21:47:00.002-05:002015-10-07T21:47:19.793-05:00Be Happier, More Energetic & Get More Sleep!In some parts of North America, residents are more energetic, more optimistic, and better sleepers than people who live elsewhere. So, here are the secrets that give them a leg up on the rest of us:<br />
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<ul>
<li>Californians are twice as likely to lead active lifestyles than people in other areas because of the good weather, and nearby trails, mountains, deserts and ocean. To inspire activity wherever you live, listen to up-tempo tunes when you exercise. Researchers in Great Britain found that fast music makes workouts feel more rewarding, and motivates you to do it again. So, look for songs about 130 beats per minute, like Abba’s “Dancing Queen.”</li>
<li>South Carolina residents are 20% less likely to experience insomnia because they tend get up earlier and get a dose of early-morning sunshine, which keeps their biological clock in sync. To follow their lead, skip sunglasses in the morning. A study at the University of Texas found that a few minutes of UV rays each morning boosts melatonin output at night, and can improve sleep quality within one week.</li>
<li>Residents of South Dakota are 20% less likely to get depressed because neighbors and family come together to provide love and support when others are in need. To boost your mood: schedule a lunch date. According to researchers at the University of Rochester, New York, spending just one hour a week catching up with a good friend can boost your mood and help you cope with life’s ups and downs. The key is to meet a pal who energizes you, not someone who leaves you feeling drained.</li>
<li>People in Colorado have the healthiest blood sugar levels, because they're more likely to eat a healthy diet – which leads to a 42% increase in energy. To get on the same page, eat one serving a day of red or orange produce. Dr. James Hill is a nutrition expert at the University of Colorado at Denver. He says reddish produce boosts the production of glucose-regulating insulin. So, stock up on carrots, mangoes, apricots, bell peppers and tomatoes.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">[THE TESH MEDIA GROUP 2015]</span></i></div>
Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-26496349750909890752015-10-07T11:44:00.000-05:002015-10-07T11:44:24.681-05:00Warning: This friendship may be dangerous to your health!After years of working with these types of relationships and being challenged by them in my own life, I have learned that there are some friendships that are more exacting than others. And then there are those that are downright unhealthy.<br />
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So how do we work with these types of friendships? The ones that throw you off balance. The ones that from the outside seem to be supportive and encouraging but can so quickly pull the rug out from under you, reducing you to apprehension or even tears.toxic-friend<br />
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How do we identify these types of friendships and determine that they may be “bad for our health,” both mental and physical?<br />
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Browse through the list below and identify any descriptions that apply to the difficult friends in your life.<br />
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<ul>
<li>Your friend is self-absorbed and acts like everything is about him or her</li>
<li>She/he is entitled (makes the rules and breaks the rules)</li>
<li>She/he is demeaning (puts you down and is a bully)</li>
<li>Demanding (whatever he or she wants)</li>
<li>Distrustful (is suspicious of your motives when you’re being nice)</li>
<li>Always seeks approval (craves constant praise and recognition)</li>
<li>Lack of empathy (is uninterested in understanding your inner experience or unable to do so)</li>
<li>Lack of remorse (cannot offer a genuine apology)</li>
<li>Compulsive (gets overly consumed with details and minutiae)</li>
<li>Emotionally detached (steers clear of feelings)</li>
<li>Snobbish (believes he or she is superior to you and others)</li>
<li>Perfectionist (has rigidly high standards, things must be done his or her way or no way)</li>
</ul>
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If at least ten of these apply, then it is most likely that this friend in your life is causing you distress and may be emotionally unhealthy. But don’t despair, it is possible that these friendships can be dealt with and challenged from a different perspective. All need not be lost.<br />
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Here are some helpful hints and ways to approach these unhealthy friendships. Some suggestions may be more helpful than others, depending on the nature of your friendship and your comfort level.<br />
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A few ways to emphatically confront the challenging friend in your life:<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Differentiating between fault and responsibility – This is the act of identifying and calling attention to the validity of your needs in the friendship. Example: “I am not blaming you for the things that were outside of your control and I understand you are upset. But it is your responsibility to figure out how to express your feelings without blaming me or putting me down.”</li>
<li>Setting Limits – This is the act of holding your friend accountable for his or her actions in the here and now. Example: “I appreciate how important it is for you to have your own standards and admire what you have done in your own home. However, I would appreciate if you didn’t try to impose those standards on my home.”\</li>
<li>Establishing rules of reciprocity – You are making a suggestion of fairness and taking turns. Example: “Thank you, I would be happy to consider what you want, and I would like to receive the same consideration from you."</li>
</ul>
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These can be helpful ways to guide your responses when interacting with a friend who may be less than healthy and even upsetting. These suggestions may assist you in feeling you are drawing some healthy boundaries in your friendship and may even help in making the friendship and interactions feel enjoyable. You can again enjoy time with your friend.<br />
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If these interactions continue to occur and you feel they may be “bad for your health,” remember to take care of yourself and consider whether a more drastic change is needed. Please see the resources below for further information.<br />
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(Refer to the full checklist of items located at www.newharbinger.com/27602. Another great resource is "Disarming the Narcissist" by Wendy T. Behary, LCSW.)<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">[By Jessica O. Hunter, Psy.D./PsychCentral blogs]</span></i>Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-91449096862375180462015-10-04T12:14:00.003-05:002015-10-04T12:14:26.683-05:0010 Ways to Make Your Choices EasierSometimes it seems like we spend the entire day making choices.<br />
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<ul>
<li>Get up or hit snooze?</li>
<li>Dress or pants?</li>
<li>Hair up or down?</li>
<li>Pack lunch or eat out?</li>
<li>Chicken or fish?</li>
</ul>
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And those are the easy ones.<br />
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<ul>
<li>Break up or stay together?</li>
<li>Start a new business or keep the job?</li>
<li>Move to a new town ... or stay?</li>
</ul>
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By the end of the day, we often feel like our brains are simply worn out. Have you ever thought to yourself "if I have to make one more decision I'll explode"? But the day's not over yet; the evening has just begun.<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Out to dinner or stay in?</li>
<li>Movie or Netflix?</li>
<li>Call your parents or soak in the tub?</li>
</ul>
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You may be suffering from decision fatigue. We as humans have a finite storage of mental energy for exerting self-control. Each decision we make depletes our ability for making further decisions without a mental break in between. It's why we make better decisions in the morning, and are less able to resist the things we love (like that big piece of chocolate cake) later in the day.<br />
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What can you do about it?<br />
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<b>Simplify </b><br />
The more choices you have, the more fatigue you'll face. A closet full of clothes isn't just messy, it also creates overwhelm every time you open the doors. Simplify your life; get rid of the clutter. Keep only the things that motivate you, that stimulate you, that inspire you. The rest just gets in the way.<br />
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<b>Eliminate choices</b><br />
Two year olds have a mind of their own - you know what I mean if you've ever had one in your care. They love to make their own decisions, have control over their own situations. But if you give them too much leeway, they'll never make a decision at all. Choosing an outfit from the closet can turn into a major meltdown. That's why you give them "either, or". Wear this or that. It gives control without overwhelm.<br />
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It doesn't have to stop when you're two; why not eliminate some of the most mundane choices you make. Steve Jobs only wore black turtlenecks and jeans, and President Obama only wears gray or blue suits to eliminate decisions. If you take away simple decisions, you can spend more time making important decisions that truly impact your life in a big way.<br />
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<b>Restructure your days</b><br />
Are you the type of person that gets up and checks in? Check email? Play on Facebook? Scour your newsfeeds for the latest news? What if you spent the first couple of hours focused on your most important tasks instead? By putting your most important tasks first, you'll be the most awake and have the clearest mind for getting the most - and your best - work completed.<br />
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<b>Don't overschedule</b><br />
We're a nation of overschedulers, trying to fit an entire workweek into an eight hour day. Yet back to back meetings will not only wear you out, it will shut down your ability to make clear decisions. Instead, choose the most important thing you can do each day and schedule downtime around it. Prepare yourself to only do what's most important each day.<br />
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<b>Avoid temptation</b><br />
What's the one tempting treat you can't keep in your house or you'll eat it all the time? For me it's ice cream, so I don't keep it in the house. I never suggest going to an ice cream shop, and avoid looking at the dessert menu when I know it's an option. If I avoid it, I won't indulge in it. It makes the process easy.<br />
<br />
<b>Take the decision process away</b><br />
Have you ever had to make the decision of whether to get up and exercise or spend another 30 minutes in bed? Guess which one wins every time? Instead of giving yourself the decision making power, put the power in someone else's hands. Sign up for a workout class three mornings a week. Or hire a personal trainer to monitor your goals. If you're held accountable, you'll do it.<br />
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<b>Don't overthink</b><br />
There's something to be said about gut instinct. How many times have you contemplated decisions for long periods of time, only to revert back to your original decision? We've all done it. It's also a clear indication that in most circumstances, the right decision is within you almost from the start. Don't over think an issue; give yourself a fair amount of time for research and contemplation. Then choose based on what your gut is telling you to do.<br />
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<b>Stop worrying over past decisions</b><br />
You've made a decision. Now what? Was it the right decision? What if something goes wrong? Worry can be just as time consuming as making the decision itself. It can even stop you in your tracks from moving on in a positive way. If you make a decision for the right reasons, trust and let it go.<br />
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<b>Change your actions</b><br />
Think you can work 12 hour days 7 days of the week and remain sharp? Working on the same tasks in the same structure again and again leads to higher degrees of mental fatigue. Humans need creativity and variance to thrive. A walk around the park can change your mindset. So can a tai chi class, or taking up the art of French cooking. By switching gears, it gives your mind something else to focus on. That's why our best solutions often come when we're in completely different environments.<br />
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<b>Conserve your willpower</b><br />
The only way to become better at making great decisions is to give yourself the opportunity to only have the most important things face you each day. The more you can schedule things, build things into a routine, and allow others to control the non-essential parts of your day, the more time you'll have to dedicate to the things that truly matter.<br />
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The best decision makers aren't somehow smarter or better prepared; they are simply the ones that set their days up in the most efficient manner. They know when to trust themselves, and when to allow others to step in and do what they do best.<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">[by Lori Osterberg, from the Huffington Post]</span></i>Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-45758160554958158882014-10-06T23:15:00.002-05:002014-10-06T23:15:47.767-05:00The Dangerous Link Between (Lack of) Sleep and CancerHow much sleep do you get every night?<br />
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Your answer may have deeper implications than simple tiredness or lack of concentration. In fact, lack of sleep could be linked to the development of cancer cells in your body.<br />
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In 2003, researchers at Brigham and Women’s Hospital and Harvard Medical School in Boston found a correlation between risk of breast cancer and melatonin, a hormone produced by the body to promote continued sleep. When levels of melatonin decrease, the body produces more estrogen, which is a known risk factor for breast cancer.<br />
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Since 2003, other studies have examined the relationship between sleep and other cancers. Prostate cancer is yet another that has been linked to sleep issues. In fact, moderate problems with sleep have been shown to raise the risk of prostate cancer twofold, and men with severe sleep problems are three times as likely to develop cancer as men who get adequate sleep each night.<br />
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Barriers to Sleep: Cancer Treatment and Anxiety<br />
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Beyond the obvious reasons to sleep regularly and well (better mood, healthier immune system, stronger mental capacity), we now know that regular, positive sleeping habits can help fight the development and spread of major illnesses, including cancer. Proper sleep may even improve chances of cancer remission, which is a great blessing after an unwelcome diagnosis.<br />
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The difficulty patients face is that the treatments and anxiety that come with cancer contribute to poor sleep, which can develop into sleeping problems. That’s why it’s essential to maintain the best sleeping habits possible when you’re ill with cancer.<br />
<br />
If you do have trouble sleeping, try these tips to help you rest better:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Develop a regular pre-sleep routine that helps to calm you</li>
<li>Avoid excessive alcohol or caffeine consumption</li>
<li>Find time for daily exercise</li>
<li>Try relaxation techniques, like meditation or yoga</li>
</ul>
<br />
I cannot stress enough the importance of getting your needed rest every night, especially as it is now clear that sleep patterns can impact cancer growth and development. It is worrying to know that sleep problems can contribute to a higher cancer risk. But it’s also heartening to know that those who are at risk of developing cancer can help ward it off with and effective sleep regimen. The better you sleep, the stronger your immune system and the more balanced your body chemistry. With your hormone levels in balance, your ability to fight off developing cancer cells increases exponentially, especially in the case of breast and prostate cancer.<br />
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<i>By Eric Cohen, MD</i>Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-16595362173105706172014-10-06T22:17:00.001-05:002014-10-06T22:17:56.168-05:00What is Counseling?Counseling is a collaborative effort between the counselor and client. Counselors help clients identify goals and potential solutions to problems which cause emotional turmoil; seek to improve communication and coping skills; strengthen self-esteem; and promote behavior change and optimal mental health.<br />
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<a href="http://www.synergycounselingcenter.net/">www.SynergyCounselingCenter.net</a>Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-66262451049638554032013-10-24T23:15:00.000-05:002013-10-24T23:15:33.641-05:00Synergy Divorce Therapy GroupThere is now a support group for people who experienced divorce in DeKalb County Alabama. This is a community service.<br />
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For more information, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/synergy.divorce.therapy.group" target="_blank">CLICK HERE.</a><br />
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Sign up today!Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-46771732705338064832013-09-21T09:24:00.001-05:002013-09-21T09:24:45.469-05:00Relax. Call Synergy.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-66657326718638928962013-07-03T11:01:00.002-05:002013-07-03T11:01:54.811-05:00Counseling - A Real Way to Reduce CrimeThe results of a University of Chicago study on preventing homicide among young men are a start toward solving that city’s (and other cities’) plague of violence.<br />
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The National Bureau of Economic Research has released data from the university’s Crime Lab that shows that <b>cognitive behavioral therapy</b>—in which young people are taught to observe their thought patterns and change them—can prevent homicide, at least while the therapy is ongoing.<br />
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The theory behind the study was that a large percentage of the violent acts of young people are not planned. Instead, they occur almost instantaneously, when conflict erupts and horrible reflexes (like using a knife or a gun in a moment of rage) are triggered. If, the researchers theorized, that instant could be almost frozen in time, allowing for a bit of reflection, then a kid might walk away from a beef, rather than throwing everything away to settle it.<br />
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So the researchers, including Jens Ludwig, director of the Center, enrolled 1,400 at-risk youth, in grades seven through ten, in a 30-week program called Becoming a Man. The program used discussion groups and behavioral exercises to make the boys and young men examine how assumptions about other people and about situations and about themselves can fuel arguments and violence.<br />
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In one exercise, for example, half of the kids were given rubber balls, and the other half of the kids were told to get the balls from them. The result: wrestling matches, chase scenes and actual fights over them. But then the instructor made his point: Why hadn’t the kids without balls simply asked the other kids to toss them the balls? Why had they assumed that their partners in the exercise would refuse? Wouldn’t it have been easier to talk about the fact that the rubber balls weren’t anything to brawl over?<br />
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Mind you, the researchers didn’t go around collecting knives and guns to prevent violent crime. They didn’t assume that the weapons were responsible. They assumed that bad choices—without any time to think—were responsible. They decided that people getting control was what had to happen, gun control.<br />
What happened? Well, for about a year, the young people enrolled in the study showed a 44 percent reduction in arrests. Then, after a year, the arrest rate drifted back up—meaning, the effect of the training was temporary.<br />
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That’s still a stunning finding, though. Because if one kind of psychotherapy can reduce arrests by 44 percent – even for a year – then the idea of using proactive counseling to prevent crime has merit.<br />
Of course, we psychiatrists have long advocated for using psychotherapy to prevent violence. It saves vast amounts of money, in the long run and it is the human thing to do.<br />
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The University of Chicago Crime Lab experiment should be expanded and, as researchers already are planning, attempts to make its effects more lasting should be developed and tested.<br />
Gun control does nothing. Helping people achieve self-control is the answer.<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">[by Dr. Keith Ablow, a psychiatrist and member of the Fox News Medical A-Team]</span></i>Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-76207176393180713032013-05-27T23:04:00.002-05:002013-05-27T23:04:15.038-05:00Military Counseling<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Freedom. That’s what we celebrate on Memorial Day—the countless lives that have been laid down by courageous service men and women to preserve our rights and liberties. However, these very freedoms are under attack within the U.S. military. Think of it—those who daily put their lives on the line for our freedoms are now being robbed of religious liberty.<br />
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Did you know that Christian evangelism is in the process of being outlawed in military settings? That soldiers and chaplains could be prosecuted and even face potential court martial for sharing the hope and healing found in Christ? Last month, the Pentagon released the following statement: “Religious proselytization is not permitted within the Department of Defense…Court martials and non-judicial punishments are decided on a case-by-case basis…”<br />
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Another news report confirms: “Any soldier who professes Christianity can now be court-martialed and may face imprisonment and a dishonorable discharge from the military.”<br />
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But faith matters in mental health. Prayer, church attendance, and Christian spirituality play a pivotal role in helping service men and women find hope and healing in the midst of mental and behavioral health challenges. Time and time again, research has shown that faith makes a dramatic difference in promoting both mental and physical health. Dr. Harold Koenig’s work with the Center for Spirituality, Theology, and Health at Duke University Medical Center is just one example.<br />
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Somewhere along the way, the military is missing this. And the cost? At least eight lives every day, as suicide rates continue to rise.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">[from American Association of Christian Counselors by lcaptari]</span>Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-86685627036307198692013-01-17T00:28:00.000-06:002013-01-17T00:28:07.460-06:00Office ClosingThe National Weather Service has issued a Winter Weather Warning for Thursday, January 17, 2013. Thus, the Synergy Counseling Center will be closed. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause, but we want our staff and clients to avoid any travel risks.<br />
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All appointments for January 17 will be rescheduled.Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-54230370243936478372013-01-08T17:36:00.002-06:002013-01-08T17:36:51.204-06:00Integrating Spirituality In Counseling<br />
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Integrating spirituality and/or religion in counseling, when appropriate, can be an effective strategy for facilitating insight, hope, and change (Bowen-Reid & Harrell, 2002). Moreover, integrating a spiritual perspective in counseling may be a necessary approach to ensure culturally sensitive and ethical counseling practice as integration is mandated by the American Counseling Association’s (ACA) Code of Ethics (ACA, 2005; Carone & Barone, 2001; Robertson, 2010). The Council for Accreditation of Counseling and Related Educational Programs (CACREP) further substantiated ACA’s position by recommending standards for social and cultural diversity curriculum that include spiritual orientation and religious values (CACREP, 2009; Willow, Tobin & Toner, 2009). Finally, spiritual assessment is directly addressed in ASERVIC’s newly revised <i>Competencies for Addressing Spiritual and Religious Issues in Counseling </i>(2009). Competency Ten reads: “During the intake and assessment process, the professional counselor strives to understand a client’s spiritual and/or religious perspective by gathering information from the client and/or other resources.” This competency directly addresses the need for the appropriate and ethical integration of spiritual assessment into the counseling process.<br />
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Other reasons include:<br />
<br />
1.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Spiritual assessment allows for a better understanding of the client’s context and worldview, an essential element of ethical and culturally competent practice.<br />
2.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Self assessment is a necessary activity to help counselors clarify their own spiritual values (e.g., self-exploration activities such as a spiritual autobiography or timeline) before trying to help clients incorporate their spirituality into healing.<br />
3.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Continuous self-assessment in terms of the counselor’s spiritual domain allows the counselors to self monitor to avoid any violations of ethical principles, such as imposing one’s values onto the client.<br />
4.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Spiritual assessments provide counselors with tools that will assist in determining if the client would be served in a more productive way with the inclusion of spiritual issues in counseling.<br />
Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-4196221317888813902013-01-08T13:13:00.000-06:002013-01-08T13:13:01.647-06:00What do couples fight about?<br />
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The number one cause of divorce in America is infidelity. The number two cause is financial issues. Couples fight more often about money than anything else. And a study at Utah State University found that couples who disagree about their finances once a week are 30% more likely to divorce than couples who disagree once a month. So, here’s how to cut back on the friction about your finances:<br />
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<ul>
<li><b>Don’t equate expensive gifts with love</b>. A Brigham Young University study found that couples that were concerned about having expensive things scored lower on marital satisfaction tests. And those who weren't concerned about material things were more likely to be happy just being together. And if both partners were materialistic, they were more likely to fight about money, even if they had plenty to spend.</li>
<li><b>Never hide your purchases from your partner</b>! In one survey, 30% of respondents said they felt that hiding purchases was financial infidelity. And they considered that as harmful as having an affair.</li>
<li><b>Stop spending your money on stuff, and use it for experiences you can enjoy together.</b> According to the Journal of Consumer Psychology, splurging on concert tickets and vacations makes couples happier than buying new possessions. That’s because we get a mood boost from anticipating an event before it happens. And the memories we have will last long after our “new stuff” is worn out and gathering dust in the garage.</li>
</ul>
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Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-32878069959167938322012-12-26T21:59:00.000-06:002012-12-26T21:59:01.896-06:007 things parents can do post-Newtown without government<br />
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These simple common-sense steps are adapted from a post I published on my blog after the horrific Newtown, Conn., massacre. Our hearts ache, but we are not completely helpless or hopeless in the face of evil and the unknown. And we are not alone. This Christmas, cherish life, keep faith and practice self-empowerment.<br />
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7. Teach our kids about the acts of heroes in times of crisis. Tell them about Newtown teacher Vicki Soto's self-sacrifice and bravery. Tell them about Clackamas mall shopper Nick Meli, a concealed-carry permit-holder whose quick action may have prevented additional deaths. Tell them about Family Research Council security guard Leo Johnson, who protected workers from a crazed gunman. Tell them about the heroic men in the Aurora movie theater who gave their lives taking bullets for their loved ones. Tell them about armed Holocaust Museum security guard Stephen Tyrone Johns, who died fighting back against the museum's nutball attacker. Tell them about armed private citizen Jeanne Assam, who gunned down the New Life Church attacker in Colorado Springs and saved untold lives.<br />
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6. Train our kids. When they see something troublesome or wrong, say something. Students, teachers and parents, if a young classmate exhibits bizarre or violent behavior toward himself or herself, report it right away. If it gets ignored, say it louder. Don't give up. Don't just shrug off the "weirdo" saying or doing dangerous things, and don't just hope someone else will act.<br />
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5. Limit our kids' time online, and control their exposure to desensitizing cultural influences. Turn off the TV. Get them off the bloody video games. Protect them from age-inappropriate Hollywood violence. Make sure they are active and engaged with us and the world, and not pent up in a room online every waking moment.<br />
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4. If you see a parent struggling with an out-of-control child, don't look the other way. If you are able to offer any kind of help (your time, resources, wisdom), do it. Don't wait.<br />
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3. We still don't know the medical condition of the Newtown shooter. But we do know that social stigmas are strong. We don't need government to take immediate, individual action to break those stigmas. There are millions of children, teens and young adults suffering from very real mental illnesses. Be silent no more about your family's experiences, your struggles, your pains and your fears. Speak up.<br />
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2. Prepare and protect your community. Joe Cascarelli of Westcliffe, Colo., wrote me about how he and other citizens took their children's safety into their own hands. "It was 10 years ago that our sheriff put an ad in the local paper to initiate the formation of the Sheriff's Posse. About 40 of us volunteered; today we have about 20 active Posse members. Eight years ago, the Posse command staff offered to provide the local school district with daily security patrols when the school was in session, at school athletic events and during school dances including the annual prom." Law enforcement conducted emergency drills, training to prepare for mass shootings and joint sessions with first responders.<br />
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"The Posse has continued its patrols at school events and during the school day. Posse patrols have become a visible, accepted part of our community," Cascarelli told me. "Anyone intent on harm would see armed uniformed personnel at the school daily. The Posse even has an Amber Alert at the local rodeo. When an atrocity like Columbine, Virginia Tech and most recently in Newtown, Conn., happens, all we hear is carefully crafted words of grief, heartrending interviews with parents, and TV's talking heads with knee-jerk 'solutions.' Well, our little community has implemented a local solution. Trained, armed volunteers daily protect our children. What is the matter with the rest of the country? Where are concerned parents and citizens willing to carve out some time to provide similar security?"<br />
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1. Teach our kids to value and respect life by valuing and respecting them always. And in loving and valuing life, teach them also not to fear death. The Catholic hymn "Be Not Afraid" offers time-tested solace and sage advice.<br />
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<i>[by Michelle Malkin]</i><br />
Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-21509093672652098392012-12-22T14:47:00.000-06:002012-12-22T14:48:02.126-06:00Merry Christmas<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN8jd31BdmNBwK4B8D694EkF0g75VwnQD7y22v5noU4avC9RAAwY2SUwvC7MaaBpCNHHrOjlx0XFLyjVfh3YaCWMrh5Mw5RLTLnx5Qr0SwaOQ6xrMNhyphenhyphengRA703hpd7g_vtPzfDbQ/s1600/Don+Von+2012+Cmas+fireplace.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN8jd31BdmNBwK4B8D694EkF0g75VwnQD7y22v5noU4avC9RAAwY2SUwvC7MaaBpCNHHrOjlx0XFLyjVfh3YaCWMrh5Mw5RLTLnx5Qr0SwaOQ6xrMNhyphenhyphengRA703hpd7g_vtPzfDbQ/s400/Don+Von+2012+Cmas+fireplace.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Don & Yvonne Brock<br />
From our home to yours.</td></tr>
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<br />Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-52700649972908730182012-12-21T22:09:00.000-06:002012-12-21T22:09:01.495-06:005 Common Mistakes Men Make After Divorce<br />
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Adapting to life after divorce is hard for guys under the best of circumstances. But you can make it easier on yourself, your ex, and your children if you avoid some of the most common mistakes.<br />
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1. Dating Too Soon<br />
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Too many men seek out a new relationship before the dust has settled on their divorce, says psychologist Sam J. Buser, PhD, coauthor of The Guys-Only Guide to Getting Over Divorce. They rush into new relationships -- and often into new marriages -- within the first year.<br />
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"That's no doubt the biggest mistake," says Buser, who is based in Houston.<br />
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Buser says that men often jump into dating because they're lonely, vulnerable, and sad, and they're looking for someone to help them feel better.<br />
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"The relationships they start do not often work out in the long run," he says. "I advise my patients to wait at least two years. I've never had a man take me up on that advice, but I do try to slow them down."<br />
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He also advises men to date casually at first.<br />
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"Tell the woman you've just been through a tough divorce and that you're not ready for a committed relationship," he suggests. "Acknowledge that it is not the right time for that."<br />
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2. Isolating Yourself<br />
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After a divorce, it's easy for guys to let themselves become isolated, especially if the ex gets custody of the kids. That's another big mistake. It can worsen feelings of depression, guilt, and loneliness, a potentially dangerous mix. Divorced men are twice as likely to commit suicide as married men.<br />
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Divorced men are also more prone to alcohol problems, so be careful of starting down that road.<br />
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"You don't have to drink every day to have a problem," Buser says. "Drinking a six pack is a binge."<br />
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Buser's advice: Connect with other guys. Call up old friends, join a softball team, a club, or a professional association.<br />
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"Expand your social and professional network to avoid isolation."<br />
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He also says that the aftermath of a divorce is great time to go back to school. It keeps you active, stimulates your mind, potentially advances your career, and gets you out of the house.<br />
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3. Introducing Your New Partner to Your Kids Too Soon<br />
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You've met someone new. You're excited and happy. Good for you. Just don't make the mistake of expecting your kids to be upbeat about it.<br />
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"The last thing the kids want to see is parents getting involved with someone else," says Gordon E. Finley, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in issues facing divorced men and an emeritus professor of psychology at Florida International University in Miami. "They are going to be unhappy. Date when you feel ready, but leave the kids out of it."<br />
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Buser agrees. "Focus on the other adult when starting a relationship," he says. "She can meet the kids when you know you are serious."<br />
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4. Giving In to Hostility<br />
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Don't make the mistake of continuing to fight with your ex, especially if children are involved.<br />
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"You don't want to be seen as an enemy or an antagonist but as a co-parent," says Arizona State University professor emeritus of psychology Sanford L. Braver, PhD. "I'm not saying that that will be easy, but everybody will be better off."<br />
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Braver, co-author of Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths, recommends that men consider conflict and anger management classes. In his research, he's found that when dads learn how to put compromises before conflict and competition, both the kids and the parents do better.<br />
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"Learn to manage as well as you can from the middle ground," says Braver. "Diplomacy and negotiating skills are key."<br />
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Being civil with your ex may encourage more flexibility in terms of custody, and potentially more time with your kids.<br />
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"If divorced spouses have a working relationship, they can agree to informally bypass some stipulations," Finley says. "Workloads go up and down, schedules can shift, and you want some way to take that into account."<br />
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5. Backing Off From Parenting<br />
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If you're a dad, divorce doesn't change that. Your child still needs you as a father, not as a visitor.<br />
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"That should be the most important thing from the man's point of view: His child wants him and his child needs him," Finley says. "Maintaining the relationship is important for your child's developmental outcome: social, emotional, and educational."<br />
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Finley warns against becoming what he calls a "Disneyland dad," who acts as if his role is to show up on weekends and show the kids a good time.<br />
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"That's not good for you or your kids," Finley says. "Help them with their homework. Talk about what's on their minds."<br />
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Before divorce, some dads, Buser says, make the mistake of yielding much of their parenting role to their partners. There's a possible silver lining to divorce if they put in the work, however.<br />
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"Lots of guys have never had experience as the primary caregiver, and they don't know what to do and have trouble adapting," Buser says. "But divorce gives them an opportunity, when they are with their kids, to be a full-time parent for the first time. They often become better fathers after divorce."<br />
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<i>[By Matt McMillen, WebMD Feature]</i><br />
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Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-91547493322891205672012-12-21T21:43:00.001-06:002012-12-21T21:43:19.928-06:00Counseling children following the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting<br />
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When the lives of six educators and 20 children between the ages of 6 and 7 were cut short in a mass shooting at a Newtown, Conn., school Dec. 14, the entire country found itself reeling.<br />
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The tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School is the second deadliest school shooting in U.S. history, following only the 2007 Virginia Tech massacre. It is, however, the most deadly shooting to take place at an elementary school.<br />
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Deb Del Vecchio-Scully, the executive director of the Connecticut Counseling Association and trauma expert, says the ages of the victims and the fact that the shooting took place at a school make the tragedy resonate with people in every corner of the country.<br />
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“School is supposed to be a safe place,” says Del Vecchio-Scully, a member of the American Counseling Association. “Not just [Sandy Hook Elementary] is going to be affected but also other schools in the area. There are going to be long-reaching effects on parents and children that we are going to see in the days, weeks, months and years to come.”<br />
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And as the community of Newtown grieves, Del Vecchio-Scully says the initial question is how the tragedy should be discussed with children.<br />
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“You want parents to be the source of information,” she says. “Not other kids, not the news. Be honest and direct, take your cues from your child and respond accordingly.”<br />
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Del Vecchio-Scully recommends keeping children away from news reports, as studies have shown they can increase the risk of posttraumatic stress disorder.<br />
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She says counselors, parents and teachers will need to be mindful of the way they help children cope with the tragedy because kids are still mentally and emotionally maturing.<br />
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“The younger child’s brain is not developed to understand the permanence of death, and that’s going to add a difficult layer to it,” Del Vecchio-Scully says. “[Children] are the ones who are going to ask ‘What happened? Why can’t I go back to school?’”<br />
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In addition, Del Vecchio-Scully says, it’s often hard for children to find the right words to describe how they feeling about what they’ve experienced.<br />
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Del Vecchio-Scully recommends giving children a creative outlet as a way to express their feelings. “Kids act out their worries and concerns through play and their artwork,” she says.<br />
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Because the event is still recent, Del Vecchio-Scully says most reactions a child may exhibit for the next week or two can still be considered normal. This may include regressive behaviors such as wanting to sleep in bed with parents, bed-wetting or acting out.<br />
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“Normalizing and fostering a sense of safety and routine is important right now, and that’s going to start at home,” she says.<br />
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It is also important for parents to foster open communication and to be open and honest about their feelings as well.<br />
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“Kids are very sensitive,” Del Vecchio-Scully says, “ and they’re going to get their cues from their parents.”<br />
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Similar to parents, teachers should also focus on maintaining a daily routine and should aim to answer questions from students to the best of their ability.<br />
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Del Vecchio-Scully says the impact of the trauma and the mental health needs of communities are layered like concentric circles.<br />
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“The inner circle includes the children, school staff and first responders who witnessed the event and/or the crime scene, as well as the officials who informed the families of the death of their loved ones,” she says. “Next are the parents of the surviving children and those whose children were killed. On the more outer rim of the circle is the rest of the greater Newtown community and the entire Connecticut community.”<br />
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The fourth layer includes the general public watching the tragedy unfold in the news media and through social media who are vicariously impacted, Del Vecchio-Scully says.<br />
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Crisis intervention is already occurring in Newtown, and for most counselors, Del Vecchio-Scully says, “our services will be needed once the crisis period passes and a void in caring for the community is evident.”<br />
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Although Del Vecchio-Scully says that now may not be the time for therapy, counselors, too, can take on the role of listener for those impacted by the shooting if the situation calls for it.<br />
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But in the months to follow, Del Vecchio-Scully says, “the crisis intervention teams will withdraw, creating a void of support, which will result in a shift of responsibility of the ongoing mental health needs of the community to local agencies and volunteer counselors.”<br />
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Counselors should be on the lookout for individuals who are at risk of re-traumatization.<br />
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“Newtown was one of the towns that was hit by Hurricane Sandy,” Del Vecchio-Scully explains. “They went without power for a week. As traumatic events get layered, the ability to cope gets less.”<br />
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This is also the time for counselors to focus on individuals in the outer concentric circles — those who may not have been directly impacted by the events in Newtown but are having trouble coping.<br />
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The shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary will have an especially far-reaching impact because a school setting is something that all children share and experience, Del Vecchio-Scully says.<br />
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Del Vecchio-Scully says the events mirror the attacks on 9/11. “The world watched in real-time, and individuals will be impacted in some way that we can’t really know right now,” she warns counselors.<br />
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Del Vecchio-Scully stresses the importance of the role of counselors in helping children and communities cope and move forward in the months following a tragedy such as this.<br />
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“Kids are extraordinarily resilient,” she says, “and we have to give them the chance to be.”<br />
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<i>[by Heather Rudow, Counseling Today]</i><br />
Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26866973.post-8732841203279041752012-12-17T10:00:00.001-06:002012-12-17T10:00:37.973-06:00Responding to the Connecticut School Shooting: Six “T’s” for Helping Kids through Trauma<br />
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Six “T’s” for Helping Kids through Trauma:<br />
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<li>Togetherness. This is a night where your kids need to have you close. They need to know they’re safe. Pull in together as a family. Pray together. Be together. The antidote to trauma is safe, loving relationships. Coddle your children a little bit more. Stay in close proximity to them, particularly if they’re anxious or afraid.</li>
<li>Touch and Tenderness. Touch is an expression of affection that reinforces proximity and closeness. It produces a calming affect. Fear makes our minds race and wander, but tender touch dispels it. Hold a hand. Stroke your children’s hair. Let them sit in your lap. Wrap your arms around them. Kiss them. Be present emotionally. If they’re acting out a little bit with anger, rebellion or defiance, it very well could be a fear response. Be sensitive to their behavior.</li>
<li>Talk. The questions will come: “Will a shooter come to my school?” “Why did he hurt those kids?” Be present, sensitive, and don’t offer pat answers. Engage them in age-appropriate discussion. Contrary to what many of us believe, talk doesn't perpetuate anxiety—it helps to reduce it. Avoid graphic details, but don’t skirt around the issue. Become a safe place for them to bring their questions.</li>
<li>Truth. Fears of the unknown can paralyze us. Anchor their hearts in truths like, “Not everyone in the world is bad. You’re safe now. God loves us and is close to us.” Remember, our kids absorb us. Your mood, thoughts, and actions directly influence theirs. These truths flow through you—Mom and/or Dad. Share the promises of God’s Word with your kids. Pray for, and with, them.</li>
<li>Triggers. Someone screaming. A door slamming. A siren. What children experience or see on the news can deeply affect them. Don’t let your kids get overdosed with the news stories and all the gory details. This can lead to nightmares, excessive bouts of crying, deepening fear, and not wanting to attend school. Be attuned to your children. Don’t react to their emotions, respond lovingly.</li>
<li>Time. Don’t rush or ignore this process. Over the next several days, we will all be flooded with information about the shooting. Keep your life as normal as possible. Sameness and routine reinforce the message of safety for your kids. Your family stability over time will help dispel their fears.</li>
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Our children are not immune to the darkness and brokenness of our world. We may think that if we ignore this incident, our kids won’t know about it or feel the impact. Nothing could be further from the truth! Our kids need parents and teachers—those who have influence in their lives—to be emotionally present and invested, especially in moments like these.<br />
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[Tim Clinton, Ed.D., LPC, LMFT]<br />
Don G. Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10537034858971952500noreply@blogger.com0