Be Happy

Being happier doesn’t have to be a long-term ambition. You can start right now. In the next 30 minutes, tackle as many of the following suggestions as possible. Not only will these tasks themselves increase your happiness, but the mere fact that you’ve achieved some concrete goals will boost your mood.

1. Raise your activity level to pump up your energy. If you’re on the phone, stand up and pace. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Put more energy into your voice. Take a brisk 10-minute walk. Even better…
2. Take a walk outside. Research suggests that light stimulates brain chemicals that improve mood. For an extra boost, get your sunlight first thing in the morning.
3. Reach out. Send an e-mail to a friend you haven’t seen in a while, or reach out to someone new. Having close bonds with other people is one of the most important keys to happiness. When you act in a friendly way, not only will others feel more friendly toward you, but you’ll also strengthen your feelings of friendliness for other people.
4. Rid yourself of a nagging task. Deal with that insurance problem, purchase something you need, or make that long-postponed appointment with the dentist. Crossing an irksome chore off your to-do list will give you a big rush of elation.
5. Create a more serene environment. Outer order contributes to inner peace, so spend some time cleaning off your desk and tackling the piles in the kitchen. A large stack of little tasks can feel overwhelming, but often just a few minutes of work can make a sizable dent. Set the timer for 10 minutes and see what you can do.
6. Do a good deed. Introduce two people by e-mail, take a minute to pass along useful information, or deliver some gratifying praise. In fact, you can also…
7. Save someone’s life. Don't be intimidated by this - I don't mean today! Sign up to be an organ donor, and remember to tell your family about your decision. “Do good, feel good” — it really works!
8. Act happy. Fake it 'til you feel it. That's a favorite with folks I know. Research shows that even an artificially induced smile boosts your mood. And if you’re smiling, other people will perceive you as being friendlier and more approachable.
9. Learn something new. Think of a subject that you wish you knew more about and spend 15 minutes on the Internet reading about it, or go to a bookstore and buy a book about it. But be honest! Pick a topic that really interests you, not something you think you "should" or "need" to learn about.

Some people worry that wanting to be happier is a selfish goal, but in fact, research shows that happier people are more sociable, likable, healthy, and productive — and they’re more inclined to help other people. By working to boost your own happiness, you’re making other people happier, too. That can't be wrong.

The Pressure of Looking for a New Job

The Job Interview

Just like a blind date, there are some definite no-no's you need to avoid if you want to pass a job interview:

1. Don't try to outwit or outguess the interviewer.
   Most candidates go into a job interview thinking it's a contest where the goal is to defeat the interviewer in some type of battle of wits. "Aha, they've asked me this question, that most certainly must be some type of trick question. I just don't know what the trick is yet. Here's how I would normally answer the question, but instead I should say what he probably wants to hear." That thinking is when good interviews go bad. Sit back, relax, and pretend it is a conversation with a friend. Those are the best interviews.
2. Read the job description.
   And then read it again, because the job description is your "cheat sheet" for the interview. Chances are the items listed on the job description will come up in the interview. For instance, if the job description says, "looking for creative problem-solvers" one of the questions you will receive is, "Give me an example of when you creatively solved a problem."
3. Have reasons for everything you've done.
   Most companies conduct behavioral interviews. It means they are more interested in the hows and the whys, as opposed to the whats. They want to know what makes you tick. An interviewer is not simply going to say, "Oh, I see that you worked as a sales rep in your last job. Cool." That interviewer may spend about 10 minutes asking questions about the job: "What did you like about the job? What were your accomplishments? What were your biggest mistakes?" And on and on. Be sure you have answers.
4. Ask questions.
   There is nothing more damaging than not having a single question at the end of an interview. It shows that you have no curiosity or interest in the organization. Almost every interviewer will leave about five minutes at the end of the interview to answer questions. Make sure you have a couple. Two or three questions is appropriate, and they can be either personal questions -- "What do you like about working here?" -- or they can be business questions -- "How has the Internet affected your business?"

There you have it - four quick ways that you can make sure you ace the interview and have the best chance of all at this job, that you want, and that you deserve. Good luck!

Feel Better Naturally

Nutritional fixes:

• Fish oil contains high levels of the omega-3 fatty acid DHA (docosahexaenoic acid); a deficiency in DHA has been linked to depression. When DHA is plentiful, your mood isn't the only thing that gets a boost — memory and learning are enhanced as well. Not a fish fan? Essential fatty acids are also found in a variety of seeds, nuts, oils and leafy vegetables.
• Antioxidant-rich foods can also serve to bolster mental health. Try to include apricots, broccoli, carrots, pumpkin, spinach, sweet potato, blueberries, kiwi and oranges, among others, in your diet.
• Daily multivitamins are the final step in keeping your brain and body properly regulated. When selecting supplements, look for B vitamins, magnesium, folic acid, selenium, and the amino acids tyrosine and tryptophan. These brain boosters are important for curbing depression and anxiety due to their effects on the mood-regulating neurotransmitters serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine.
• Talk about your feelings. Everyone needs to talk about their feelings sometime. The only problem is, we have to be careful who we talk to. Psychotherapy or talk-therapy with a professional can help. Your confidentiality is insured.

Do You Need Christian Counseling?

• If you can’t solve your problems in a biblical way, you probably need Christian Counseling.
• If you and your church can’t get along, though you’ve tried talking to the pastor and/or officials, you may need counseling.
• If you have children who are going astray, you could use biblical counseling.
• If you want a life that pleases Christ more, and don’t know how to do so, you will need counseling.
• If you make things worse when you try to solve them, you definitely need counseling.
• If you are deeply in debt and not getting out of it, you need counseling.
• If you are depressed, then surely you need counseling.

Not only do these problems indicate a probable need for counseling, there are dozens of others like this sample that would fit the category.

We stand ready to help. Call the Relationship Clinic today, or email us at DGBrock@aol.com.

Your Brain and Your Food

We all love certain kinds of foods and when we eat them, our pleasure quotients increase dramatically.

Some recent work in brain imaging suggests that women with propensity for bulimia show “greater activation of key reward regions of the brain” after tasting a chocolate milkshake. These same individuals may also experience decreased activity in parts of the brain that control self-regulation and impulse control (as reported in the April 2009 Monitor on Psychology, pp. 48-49).

This area of research is new and so the results need replication plus interpretation. Does the brain function this way after years of bulimic behavior? Or, does the brain instigate or tempt such behavior (strong reward response plus increased impulsivity) with it’s prior functioning?

Of course, the individual struggling with bulimia cares only a little about the why. They really concern themselves with the what. How do I eat with moderation? How do I not eat for emotional reasons? Unlike alcoholics who can always avoid alcohol, everyone has to eat, and eat everyday. So, what to do when your brain responds the way it does to food? Here’s a couple of practical ideas to start you down the right path:

1. 1. Get a “coach” or counselor who you will be completely honest with. This coach will help you construct an eating schedule and an array of responses to eating or purging temptations.
2. Construct a realistic eating schedule that avoids avoiding food. Keep a food journal. Be honest. Keep troubleshooting with your coach until you find something that works best for you. Remember to check out your schedule (times and foods allowed) with a nutritionist.
3. Construct and use an array of behavioral responses to eating temptations. These include distractions, connections with others, ways to make the moment better, crisis call opportunities.
4. Develop mindful techniques to focus on eating, on stopping eating, on other forms of pleasure God has given you–even on the difficult emotions that you feel.
5. Identify controlling automatic thoughts and lies in your “script” that drive you in particular emotional and behavioral directions. These can be about your body image, about your relationships, etc. Begin responding to them with truth from God’s point of view. Make sure your coach and others know what truthes you are trying hard to believe.
6. As you recognize triggers, temptations, etc., also identify “ways of escape” offered you by God.

[from Musings of a Christian Psychologist by Phil]

Relationship Clinic Photo

Love Is ...

Love is relational - interested in the family, friendships and human interactions of the other.

Love is intellectual - interested in how the other thinks, reasons, and processes.

Love is emotional - concerned with how the other feels.

Love is spiritual - interested in who God made the other to be and their relationship with him.

Love is physical - enjoyed by sexual chemistry and desire.

Want To Look and Feel Better?

Check out these 10 tips to help you look and feel good, no matter what your age!

1. Have a positive attitude. An upbeat outlook can keep you healthy by helping stave off illnesses, including depression. Studies show what happens to the levels of dopamine in someone's brain after 1, 2, or more hours of volunteering per week. The results? Levels as high, or higher, than levels achieved through pharmaceutical means! I love it - a natural high in your brain from moving outside yourself for an hour that stays with you for a month! Give it a try.

2. Get money-smart. If you plan to retire, estimate that you'll need between 70 percent and 90 percent of your pre-retirement income. Put together a comprehensive questionnaire that can help you identify the steps in the retirement process and practice smart financial planning. Need help with that (who doesn't?)? Ask trusted friends their recommendations for a trustworthy financial professional.

3. Learn something new every day. Crack open a book or the daily paper, or take a class at a nearby community college to help keep your mind sharp and to learn about the ever-changing world around you. Do your kids or grand kids have a hand held gaming system? Try some of the newer brain challenge games - completely programmed to stimulate your mental reaction time.

4. Let it go. Harboring resentment over long-past wrongs can hurt your health and your spirit. Write down the issue, fold it up and throw it out. Allow yourself the realization that the person being hurt the most by your angry feelings is you.

5. Get fit and stay active. It's only normal for our metabolism to slow down as we age, but that doesn't mean weight gain is inevitable. Check out The Mayo Clinic's daily calorie requirements, and stay active to help keep your muscles and joints, not to mention your frame of mind, healthy for years to come.

6. Be sun-smart. Before you go outdoors, make sure you're prepared with at least SPF 15 for your face and body. Reapply every four to six hours and protect your skin from premature wrinkles and even skin cancer. And whether your skin is dry, oily, or something in between, it can benefit from a daily moisturizer as well.

7. Stay stylish. You don't have to dress like you're 19, but having a crisp and contemporary appearance can help you feel current and fashionable. Ask a good friend to go shopping with you, and try on a few items that you feel might be too "young" for you. Even better if money's a little tight for the more expensive department stores - a local second hand or thrift store, where you can find gently used fashions at a fraction of regular prices.

8. Get involved. Building up a strong social network can be crucial to good health. To stay active and connected to your community, try volunteering or joining a social group of your interest.

9. Eat right. Saturated fats and trans fats are linked to heart disease, cancer, weight gain, and, yes, even wrinkles! Research also shows that some of these not-so-great choices in our diet can keep us from getting enough sleep! So clear your pantry and fridge of foods that you know are unhealthy and start making healthy choices at the store.

10. Sleep! A lack of sleep puts us at risk - period. From everything to an increased risk of heart disease (see tip #9), a higher risk of automobile accidents, to a 15% greater risk of premature death. Get your zzzzz's!

[from John Tesh]

Economic Issues Drive More Into Therapy

The economic crisis is putting a lot of stress on a lot of people.

WAAY 31 spoke with a clinical psychologist who says offices around the country are seeing a three-fold surge in new patients. Dr. Roger Rinn says the stress from the economy is causing trouble in marriages, friendships and just about every other relationship.

And even if you think you're allright, it can creep up on you. "We all have weakness in our ability to cope with stress" Rinn said. "As you raise the stress you end up with more problems again and you may not even be aware of it." Dr. Rinn says he hasn't seen an increase like this since 9-11.

Dr. Rinn says if you're feeling stressed out, make an appointment to talk to someone. Do not attempt to self medicate with drugs or alcohol. And check with your health insurer - you might be surprised to see how well mental health is covered thanks to some new laws.

One of the hidden portions of last year's federal bailout legislation was a law requiring insurers to provide equal physical and mental health benefits.

[Copyright 2009 WAAYTV.com. All rights reserved.]

How To Stay Happy With The One You Love

1. First and foremost, love each other. Say "I love you" often and in different ways. Do things to keep your love and romance new and alive. Don't take love for granted, ever...
2. Listen objectively to each other, and accept each other completely. Give each other the right to disagree and to have different opinions.
3. Never stop treating each other like sweethearts. Talk to each other as sweethearts and do things that sweethearts do. Don't let external values have more importance than the internal feelings of your heart.
4. Take care of each other. Put the other one first, but don't neglect your own needs either. Do the things that show you're interested in your partner's needs, desires and problems.
5. Be joyful that you've each made a committment to the other...through sickness and health and everything else. Be thankful you're in this life together.
6. Talk about things together. Refuse to say anything negative about your partner. Never betray each other's secrets. Keep your own identity, but walk together as one.
7. Settle the fact that you've made your choice and you're no longer looking for anyone else. Don't flirt. Think of the consequences. Don't consider it.
8. Be in agreement about how your money is spent. Big items should have the approval of both. Talk about how to manage your finances.
9. Treat each other as you would want to be treated. If you've argued, never go to sleep at night without asking the other's forgiveness. Be faithful about this. Do what will make you both the happiest and be the best for your relationship.
10. Have fun!

[from Howtoencourage by Kay the Encourager]

6 Ways to De-Stress at the Dinner Table

What's dinnertime like at your place?

Maybe "dinner" consists of lukewarm takeout, eaten alone in front of the TV while you surf the Internet and answer email. Or perhaps the eat-and-run dinners you share with your spouse or partner barely leave you time to say "hello" and "goodbye" to each other. Or maybe your kitchen is starting to resemble a fast-food restaurant, with family members coming in and out and grabbing a bite between activities.

While the dinner hour once represented a calm oasis from the day's storm, experts say today it's often anything but relaxing.

"We're hurried, we're harried, we've turned up the volume of our lives to such a high number that we often can't even see how stressed we are. And we almost never see how we bring that stress to the dinner table, a place where traditionally we sought relaxation and comfort," says Mimi Donaldson, a stress and time management expert.

With blaring TVs, ringing cell phones and "You've got mail!" chiming in the background, in some homes the dinner hour is every bit as stressful as the rest of the day, says Donaldson, co-author of the book Bless Your Stress: It Means You're Still Alive.

"When you add in sibling rivalry and a dose of parental discipline, mealtime can quickly become a combat zone that nobody wants to enter," says Donaldson.

If you're thinking all this doesn't matter much, think again.

Recent research at Columbia University found that children who regularly had dinner with their families are less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol, and more likely to do better in school. In fact, studies show the best-adjusted children are those who eat with an adult at least five times a week, says Ann Von Berber, PhD, chair of the department of nutrition sciences at Texas Christian University in Fort Worth.

"Many studies support the importance of family mealtime in decreasing the incidence of teens who smoke, drink alcohol, participate in sex at a young age, start fights, get suspended from school, or commit suicide," says Von Berber.

And kids aren't the only ones who benefit from a peaceful repast. Experts say that couples as well as singles reap benefits when mealtime is a relaxing experience.

"It's not only better for the soul and spirit to dine quietly and slowly -- even if you're alone -- but it's also good for the digestion," says Loren Ekroth, PhD, a former family therapist from Las Vegas who is the founder of Conversation-Matters.com.

Of course, knowing we should relax at dinnertime is one thing; actually doing it is something else. To help you get started, our experts offered six guidelines for creating a mealtime experience everyone will look forward to.

READ MORE

[By Colette Bouchez, WebMD]

Divorce is Never an Easy Way Out of Marital Problems

God certainly did know what He was doing when He commanded us to take our marriage vows seriously, and not flee at the first sign of trouble. Jesus said, "Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate" (Mark 10:9).

Why does God take marriage so seriously? One reason is because He loves us and wants what is best for us - and He knows that casually walking away from our marriage is never best. Admittedly every marriage has its problems, but it's far better to face them and work through them than to end up in divorce court. This isn't always possible, I know, but I am convinced that with God's help most marriages can be saved.

The alternative is often a bitter harvest of anger, loneliness, feelings of failure, financial strain, fear of the future, depression and so on - the list is almost endless.

You can't change the past, but you can change the future - and the way to start is to turn to Christ and open your heart to Him. He wants to forgive the past, and He wants to guide your future. Begin again today by giving your life to Jesus Christ.

[Billy Graham]