Parental Depression After Childbirth

A study of UK parents suggests a significant number of parents develop depression during the first twelve months of a child’s life.

Researchers discovered more than 30 percent of mothers and about 20 percent of fathers experience an episode of depression — with the risk of depression greatest during the first year after birth.

The report will appear in the November issue of Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine.

“Depression in parents is associated with adverse behavioral, developmental and cognitive outcomes in their children,” the authors write as background information in the article. “While the maternal depression and child outcome literature is well established, there are fewer studies on paternal depression. There is evidence that paternal depression is not uncommon, with rates higher than those in the general adult male population; however, a wide range of prevalence rates for paternal depression have been reported.”

Shreya Davé, Ph.D., M.Sc., B.Sc., of the Medical Research Council, London, England, and colleagues examined incidence, trends and correlates of parental depression in 86,957 families seen in U.K. primary care facilities between 1993 and 2007.

Mothers and fathers with depression were identified using diagnostic codes and pharmacy records.

Overall, between their children’s birth and age 12, 19,286 mothers had a total of 25,176 episodes of depression and 8,012 fathers had a total of 9,683 episodes of depression.

The depression rate was 7.53 per 100 mothers per year and 2.69 per 100 fathers per year. The highest rates were observed in the first year after the birth of a child, with 13.93 per 100 mothers and 3.56 per 100 fathers experiencing depression in that period.

“These high rates of depression in the postpartum period are not surprising owing to the potential stress associated with the birth of a baby, e.g., poor parental sleep, the demands made on parents and the change in their responsibilities, and the pressure this could place on the couple’s relationship,” the authors write.

“The high rate of parental depression in the first year after delivery may also be partly due to a resumption of antidepressant use following a break during pregnancy and breastfeeding.”

Parents who had a history of depression, who were younger (ages 15 to 24, compared with 25 and older) when their child was born and who were more socially deprived were more likely to develop depression.

“There is a well-established link between depression and social and economic deprivation both in the general population and among parents. This finding may reflect the stresses of poverty, unemployment, low employment grade and lower social support among people of lower socioeconomic status,” the authors write.

In addition, “younger parents may be less prepared for parenthood with more unplanned pregnancies and may be less able to deal with the stresses of parenthood compared with older parents.”

The findings suggest that there is a need for appropriate detection of depression among mothers and fathers, and that clinicians should be aware of the risk factors for depression in parents and assess individuals who possess those characteristics.

In addition, the authors note, future research should examine other factors associated with parental depression, such as the couple’s relationship quality and stressful life events, as well as the separate and cumulative effects of maternal and paternal depression on children’s health and development.

[by Rick Nauert, PhD, Senior News Editor, Psych Central News, Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D.]

Why Do People Have Sex?

Your partner may come up with a dozen excuses to say “Not tonight, dear, I have a ____,” but how many reasons can the two of you name for seeking sex?

One? Two? Twenty? How about 200? Some college students have cited as many as 237 different reasons for having sex.

From pleasure to procreation, insecurity to inquisitiveness – today’s reasons for taking a roll in the hay seem to vary as much as the terms for the deed itself. A 2010 Sexuality & Culture review of sex motivation studies states that people are offering “far more reasons for choosing to engage in sexual activity than in former times.” And we’re doing it more often, too. It is a stark contrast from historical assumptions, which tend to cite only three sexual motivators: To make babies, to feel good, or because you’re in love.

Today, sexual behaviors seem to have taken on many different psychological, social, cultural, even religious meanings. Yet, some sexologists say, at the most basic level, there is only one true reason people seek sex.

Wired for Sex

“We are programmed to do so. Asking why people have sex is akin to asking why we eat. Our brains are designed to motivate us toward that behavior,” says Richard A. Carroll, PhD, a sex therapist and associate professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine.

The idea that humans are hard-wired for sex reflects an evolutionary perspective, says Elaine Hatfield, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii and author of that 2010 review examining sexual motives from cross-cultural, historical, and evolutionary viewpoints.

“Evolutionary theorists point out that a desire for sexual relations is ‘wired in’ in order to promote species survival,” she tells WebMD in an email. “Cultural theorists tend to focus on the cultural and personal reasons people have (or avoid) sex. Cultures differ markedly in what are considered to be ‘appropriate’ reasons for having or avoiding sex.”

("Wired" can also mean - designed this way by the Creator.)

What’s Your Motive?

Why do you seek sex? Motivations generally fall into four main categories, according to psychologists at UT-Austin, who asked more than 1,500 undergraduate college students about their sexual attitudes and experiences.

• Physical reasons: Pleasure, stress relief, exercise, sexual curiosity, or attraction to a person.
• Goal-based reasons: To make a baby, improve social status (for example, to become popular), or seek revenge.
• Emotional reasons: Love, commitment, and gratitude.
• Insecurity reasons: To boost self-esteem, keep a partner from seeking sex elsewhere, or because of a feeling of duty or pressure (for example, a partner insists on having sex).

The Difference Between the Sexes

Generally speaking, men seek sex because they like how it feels. Women, although they very well may also derive pleasure from the act, are generally more interested in the relationship enhancement aspects of sex. Researchers describe these differences as body-centered versus person-centered sex.

Body-centered sex is when you have sex because you like the way it makes your body feel. You are not really caring about the emotions of your partner.

Person-centered sex is when you have sex to connect with the other person. You care about the emotions involved and the relationship.

“Men often start out being body centered,” says Janell Carroll, PhD, adjunct professor of psychology at the University of Hartford and author of a human sexuality textbook (no relation to Richard Carroll). “But that changes later on. As men reach their 40s, 50s, and 60s, their relationship becomes more important.”

Richard Carroll has been counseling couples with sexual issues for more than two decades. “Women actually become more like men over time, in the sense that often early on, sex is about initiating, developing, strengthening, and maintaining relationships, but in a long-term relationship they can actually begin to focus on the pleasure of it.”

Despite the generalities, research suggests that there has been a big convergence in sexual attitudes among men and women in recent years. In 1985, Janell Carroll and colleagues found that most college-aged males had casual sex for physical reasons, without emotional attachments. She repeated many of the same study questions to a new audience in 2006, and is working toward publishing her results.

“Instead of men and women being at opposite ends of the sexual spectrum, they are now coming together,” she tells WebMD. “More women might be having sex for physical reasons, but many more men were more likely to say they had sex for emotional reasons.”

20 Reasons People Have Sex

Stressed out? Have sex. Stress reduction is one of the leading reasons Americans, particularly men, say they have sex, says Richard Caroll. The review, published online in Sexuality & Culture, shows other most frequently cited reasons for having sex include:

1. Boosting mood and relieving depression
2. Duty
3. Enhancement of power
4. Enhancement of self-concept
5. Experiencing the power of one’s partner
6. Feeling loved by your partner
7. Fostering jealousy
8. Improve reputation or social status
9. Making money
10. Making babies (procreation)
11. Need for affection
12. Nurturance
13. Partner novelty
14. Peer pressure or pressure from partner
15. Pleasure
16. Reduce sex drive
17. Revenge
18. Sexual curiosity
19. Showing love to your partner
20. Spiritual transcendence

Why Study Sex?

Understanding why people seek sex is not always a simple task. Most studies have involved college undergraduates, a “sample of convenience” for university researchers, but one that is often very limiting. Such young men and women typically haven’t been in very committed relationships and are in the process of discovering their sexuality. Their answers to “why do you have sex” are often greatly tied to the image of themselves and their social relationships, says Richard Carroll. This can change over time.

But such knowledge can improve a couple’s sex life.

“Understanding these differences in motivations is very important. It helps us understand what’s going on in the sexual relationship and treat sexual disorders. Very often you find the source of the problem can be traced to the particular motivation,” says Richard Carroll.

If you need help, you can find a qualified counselor or sex therapist in your area through organizations such as the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapist (AASECT) or The Society for Sex Therapy and Research.

[By Kelli Miller Stacy - WebMD Feature]

How To Resolve Conflict With Your Partner

1. Shift your perspective, believing there is a solution that will leave you both feeling strong.

2. One at a time, allow each person to clearly state all of his or her concerns, hopes, assumptions, fears, feelings, beliefs, values and fears about the situation.

3. Speak and listen without judgment. Avoid interrupting or justifying; just stay curious.

4. Find the common feelings and experiences.

5. Decide together what values and feelings you both must experience in whatever solution you strive for. Always ask, "What would it look like when it's working?"

6. Seek solutions together that meet the needs of both people. Be open to the solution being something completely different from either original stance.

7. Choose. You may ask - choose what? Your compromise.

8. Know that the ultimate goal is your shared positive experience. Commit to your decision together and reinforce how this decision is going to uphold the positive emotions you are both striving to experience. It helps to make a physical sign of your commitment: Sign a paper or cross a line together on the floor. Establish that breaking this commitment is a sign to yourself that you do not feel that you and your relationship are worth the effort. Putting things in those terms may sound harsh - but not if you're truly committed.

Solving conflict is one of the most challenging things for couples to master, and doing it effectively takes patience and practice. Many couples report that getting through a difficult conflict brought them closer together, deepening each partner's understanding of the other's values, hopes and dreams. Focus on the outcome of deepening your connection, and the conversation will have a much better chance of success.

Just like your job, you signed onto your relationship, committing yourselves to making it work. And just like your job, there are times when you simply have to dig your heels in to do the work necessary to keep your job. The beauty is, each of these relationships has the potential to give you a solid, and growing, happiness. You just might find that sometimes, you have to look, and work, for it a little harder than you thought.

Want a Closer Relationship With Your Partner?

Getting closer to your partner could take some effort, yet can be one of the most important undertakings you’ll make in your relationship. And an undertaking that may not happen simply on its own. Here are ideas from www.Oprah.com contributor Marcus Buckingham to foster loving connections, and being certain that you are “supporting the being” of your partner:

1. Spend time discovering the experiences that strengthen your partner the most.

2. Create situations in which your partner will be able to experience these moments – with or without you. You needn’t try to enjoy your partner’s strengthening moments thinking it will bring you closer together. If you’re pretending to like something that you don’t, it won’t.

3. Design an evening where your sole purpose is to express gratitude for your partner. Talk about all the ways your partner makes your life better, the little things that you notice and appreciate and the impact your partner has on the lives of your children, if you have them. Use specific examples to illustrate what you are saying.

4. Every week, plan to share a mutually strengthening experience together.

5. Inevitably your partner will do things that frustrate or annoy you. Strive to focus on what’s working, or what “working” would look like, and then find evidence that your partner is doing it. Look for it. Believe in it. You’ll be surprised when your partner begins to transform before your eyes. We get what we look for.

6. Research reveals the ways you perceive your spouse not only color your current reality, but they actually alter your relationship and thereby create your future reality. So, when looking at your spouse, choose your perceptions carefully.

When the desire to connect, support and love outshines the need to be right about your partner, you’re onto something. It is a deliberate choice to look for the best in the people around us. Always look for what’s working. Attention amplifies.

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DeKalb Grief Support Group

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Prescription Drug Abuse

The dealer supplying you or your kids might be a pharmacist. And people of all ages are getting addicted.

Here are some stats:

• According to a recent study one out of five teens has abused prescription medication.

“It’s an epidemic and I’m afraid we’re losing a whole generation. These pain medications are so highly addictive that these young people are digging themselves a very deep hole.”, stated Beth Lewis Maze, the Chief Circuit Judge for the 21st Judicial Circuit in Kentucky in an interview on MSNBC.

• Another study recently found that the number of Baby Boomers (those 50 and older) showing up for treatment has almost doubled in the last 15 years. Many of these admissions are for several drugs, prescriptions included. Though most reported that they had used drugs at an early age, the abuse picked up within the last five years.

“The graying of drug users in America is an issue for many programs and communities providing health or social services for seniors." These findings show the changing scope of substance abuse problems in America.” stated SAMHSA administrator Pamela S. Hyde.

• The American Journal of Preventive Medicine reported that hospitalizations for poisoning by opiates and tranquilizers rose 65% from 1999 to 2006.
• Meanwhile, the statistics for those who need treatment and don’t seek it are skyrocketing.

While physicians, pharmacists, drug companies and law makers have had a hand in the pharmaceutical epidemic, solutions will be slow in coming from the perpetrators.

It is up to families and individuals to find their own solutions and the only real answer for prescription drug addiction is effective treatment program through counseling.

If you know someone who is abusing prescription drugs, do something about it now. The consequences of waiting could be deadly. Call us today.

Acting now could very well save a life and the value of a life saved is priceless.

When There is Conflict in Marriage

Marriage counseling is so difficult because everything is read through the lens of “He is so controlling,” or “She won’t respect me.”

Why does this happen? On the surface, an intractable conflict might seem to be about land (e.g., Palestinians vs. Israelis) or about ideological solidarity (republicans vs. democrats) or about bald desire for power. The marriage conflict may appear to be about respect, money, or power. But, conflict can become intractable because the larger system is supported by the conflict and would more or less collapse if peace were to overtake it. Attractors, they say help maintain a coherent view of the world, a way of promoting unequivocal action without hesitation. Truth be told. We like living in a black/white world where our actions are always clear to us and the bad guys are always bad.

A word about power. In conflict, we use power to get what we want (via direct use or manipulation). But there are always power differences between parties. Someone always has more power. In couples, one spouse will always want more sex than the other. This isn’t a bad thing. It only becomes bad when either party refuses to accept the differences or show any capacity to be influenced by the other.

When peaceful resolutions take place, it is because a new system has been developed; a new set of values and definers of reality.

How do you implement such a change? You cannot go directly after the thing that maintains the conflict. In other words, don’t say, “You, wife, stop believing your husband doesn’t love you”; or “You, husband, start loving your wife by…” Built into the maintainers of conflict is a strain of resistance. “I know you just did something nice for me but you really are just trying to get on my good side so you can (fill in the blank), but I’m on to you!”

Attempts to challenge directly the validity or practicality of an attractor for intractable conflict are therefore often doomed to fail and in fact are likely to intensify people’s beliefs and energize their response tendencies.

Again, how do we deal with these longstanding conflicts? How do we stop seeing the problem as a simple equation (you stink and I’m great) to something more complex (we’re both broken and here’s what I can do to make things better)?

1. Force yourself to step back to see the complexity of the situation. This sometimes happens when something blows our mind (we act in a way we THOUGHT we never would). To do this we have to believe that the simple answer is easy but ALWAYS wrong and desire to have a more nuanced view of self and other.

2. Go back to see previous unity. So, a couple might go back to remember their first love. What affinities did they once have? Can they recover them? Some couples can. From here, they may find the power to fix problems that seem just a wee bit smaller because of a more powerful unifying narrative that was forgotten.

3. Focus on who you want to be in the midst of trials and tribulations. What kind of person do I want to be (that God empowers me to be) come what may?

Notice that only #2 has to work towards maintaining the marriage and living in close quarters. One can develop a more complex and realistic view of the problem (#1) or focus on character development (#3) and still choose to end a violent or destructive relationship. Both also require that we value something greater than self-interest. From a Christian point of view, love must be the reason for all three options – a love given to us by God alone.

[from Musings of a Christian Psychologist by Phil]

Is Dessert Really Necessary?

Food desserts have become a hot topic around the country, with health and policy experts seeing them as a contributor to the epidemic of obesity and its accompanying health problems, including high blood pressure, stroke and diabetes.

Those issues are particularly critical in Alabama, which ranks second in the country for obesity and fourth for diabetes, according to the state health department. And while health experts are constantly pushing the message of healthy eating, 77 percent of Alabama adults and 85 percent of high school students don't get five servings of fruit and vegetables a day, according to an Alabama Department of Public Health report.

Low-income and minority residents are the most likely to be obese, according to the health department. Some of that may be because of cultural choices or not having money to spend on healthy food, which is often more expensive than soda and fries.

But in some cases, it has gotten harder to find healthy options, especially in inner-city neighborhoods where food stores have closed. For example, the one grocery store in the Pratt community, a Food Fair on U.S. 78, now stands empty, said community president Alonzo Darrow.

"A lot of people from north Birmingham would come to that store," Darrow said. "Now you will not find a grocery store until you get to Five Points West, and that's a long way away. So all those people who don't have a grocery store either have to get to Five Points West or they have to get to Forestdale."

More markets would help provide employment and keep residents from spending their money in other cities, said Mayor William Bell, who said he hears constantly from residents that they have no convenient place to shop. But, he said, the health factor is the biggest priority.

Healthy thinking produces healthy eating habits. Think about it. Obesity can be prevented. Is that dessert really necessary?

How To ...

More on Post-Argument Calming

Quick Ways to Calm Down

Quotes to Help You Relax

Tips for Coping with Anger

Health and Wholeness on Fresh Living

10 Quotes to Lift Your Spirits

21 Simple Ways to Be Happy

13 Ways to Make Friends

Quiz: Do Your Emotions Make You

Cooling Down Following a Confrontation

We all try to keep our cool and stop anger and hostility from infiltrating our sense of inner peace, but sometimes — whether we rashly lose our tempers or are provoked into a righteous confrontation — we find ourselves in an argument. During the fight, our endorphins pump, our faces flush, our hands might shake, and our hearts pound.

But what about afterwards? How can we harness our endorphins, faces, hands, and hearts and re-assemble that inner peace that was shattered when the argument reared its ugly head?

Here are some ideas.

Take a walk - think about the situation and what just happened. Was that even worth it to argue? Did it really need to go that far? And what was the whole argument about again?

Tear up paper - the simple activity of shredding up paper with both hands can keep you distracted and help relieve those fleeting thoughts of anger.

Take it out on something else - go out and find the largest rock you can pick up and toss it as far as you can. Or, take a plastic baseball bat and use it on the sofa. Use a punching bag if you have one. Do not be destructive, but take it out on something non-destructive. Exertion is good.

Burn vanilla or lavender candles - vanilla scents are calming and soothing, while lavender also encourages sleep. Taking a whiff of these powerful scents can help you de-stress and remove yourself from the tension just long enough to simmer down.

Don't tell the story too many times - instead, tell the story to a very inner circle, and to others who know you had an argument, either have a one-sentence summary or just ask them to support you in calming down. Tell the story too much and with detail, and you will becoime anxious all over again.

Shake your shoulders - most of us collect tension in the areas in the back of the neck, shoulders, and upper body. Next time you’re having a tense moment, notice how your shoulders may be hunched in and how the muscles are contracting. Shaking your shoulders will give you a much-needed posture adjustment, helping you breathe naturally and calming you down.

Respect different opinions - it is hard sometimes for people to realize that an argument is an expression of difference of opinion, and we all are entitled to our own opinion. That doesn’t mean that either person is wrong, just different. It is not always what you say, but how you say it, so try to say it with God’s guidance and a pure heart. That you remain calm during and after an argument.

Think about your breathing - consciously try to slow your breathing and breath deeply. The more you can control your breathing, the better you can lower your heart rate.

Prepare for Better Sleep

Most of us do things at night that are counter-productive to actually sleeping. Instead, make slight changes in your rituals to prepare your body for rest.

Dim your lights several hours before bed to avoid the stimulation caused by artificial light pollution — which is all around us through TV, computers, and indoor lighting — and serves to stimulate us.

Come up with a regular, rhythmic evening ritual that allows you to embrace anxieties that get released when you slow down. Meditation, prayer, and deep breathing are all good methods.
Surrender to sleep. After all, you go to the movies, you shouldn't go to sleep. There is nothing you have to do to sleep — except let go of waking. Practice "dying" into sleep — rather than forcing yourself to sleep — and cultivate awareness of your personal twilight zone.

- No alcohol or nicotine for 1.5 hours before bed.

- No exercise that makes you sweat for 1.5 hours before bed.

- No caffeine, caffeinated beverages or food, or caffeine in pills for as long as you need to avoid (we recommend three hours) before bed.

- No eating three hours before bed, so you can avoid reflux issues that can disturb sleep.

Some sleep problems don't arise because of worry or melatonin problems. Some are caused because your back hurts like stink. Truth is, some people get through general back pain or knee pain during the day because they're so focused on other things. But when trying to get to sleep, they feel the pain — and focus on it. A simple over-the-counter anti-inflammatory medication can help — not specifically to get you to sleep, but to help alleviate the pain that's preventing you from sleeping. Take a low-dose aspirin with a glass of water at least one hour before bedtime so that the acid doesn't have as much chance of refluxing up from your stomach to your esophagus.

Allergies can make sleeping trouble worse because of the congestion they cause. About 40 percent of people with allergic rhinitis have trouble sleeping. Over-the-counter nasal strips and sprays help open up everything and clear up symptoms like headaches, watery eyes, runny nose, or new-onset snoring. If you experience those symptoms and aren't aware of any allergies, search for the source in unexpected places. Some have allergies to gluten (wheat, barley, oats), which can lead to congestion and increase insomnia, as can allergies to detergents and the cleaning products you use on your clothes or sheets. One note: Decongestant nasal sprays are addictive and raise your blood pressure. Saline or antihistamine sprays (or a prescription steroid spray) are better options.

You'd think that the way to treat a lack of sleep is to get more of it, but one way that sleep docs treat insomnia is by making their patients sleep less. For instance, they'll take a patient getting five hours a night and force them to get only four a night, and then gradually increase for 10 or 15 minutes a night once a week. The sleep-deprivation approach can work as a way to force your body to reset back into a regular sleeping pattern.