Relationship Clinic Photo

Love Is ...

Love is relational - interested in the family, friendships and human interactions of the other.

Love is intellectual - interested in how the other thinks, reasons, and processes.

Love is emotional - concerned with how the other feels.

Love is spiritual - interested in who God made the other to be and their relationship with him.

Love is physical - enjoyed by sexual chemistry and desire.

Want To Look and Feel Better?

Check out these 10 tips to help you look and feel good, no matter what your age!

1. Have a positive attitude. An upbeat outlook can keep you healthy by helping stave off illnesses, including depression. Studies show what happens to the levels of dopamine in someone's brain after 1, 2, or more hours of volunteering per week. The results? Levels as high, or higher, than levels achieved through pharmaceutical means! I love it - a natural high in your brain from moving outside yourself for an hour that stays with you for a month! Give it a try.

2. Get money-smart. If you plan to retire, estimate that you'll need between 70 percent and 90 percent of your pre-retirement income. Put together a comprehensive questionnaire that can help you identify the steps in the retirement process and practice smart financial planning. Need help with that (who doesn't?)? Ask trusted friends their recommendations for a trustworthy financial professional.

3. Learn something new every day. Crack open a book or the daily paper, or take a class at a nearby community college to help keep your mind sharp and to learn about the ever-changing world around you. Do your kids or grand kids have a hand held gaming system? Try some of the newer brain challenge games - completely programmed to stimulate your mental reaction time.

4. Let it go. Harboring resentment over long-past wrongs can hurt your health and your spirit. Write down the issue, fold it up and throw it out. Allow yourself the realization that the person being hurt the most by your angry feelings is you.

5. Get fit and stay active. It's only normal for our metabolism to slow down as we age, but that doesn't mean weight gain is inevitable. Check out The Mayo Clinic's daily calorie requirements, and stay active to help keep your muscles and joints, not to mention your frame of mind, healthy for years to come.

6. Be sun-smart. Before you go outdoors, make sure you're prepared with at least SPF 15 for your face and body. Reapply every four to six hours and protect your skin from premature wrinkles and even skin cancer. And whether your skin is dry, oily, or something in between, it can benefit from a daily moisturizer as well.

7. Stay stylish. You don't have to dress like you're 19, but having a crisp and contemporary appearance can help you feel current and fashionable. Ask a good friend to go shopping with you, and try on a few items that you feel might be too "young" for you. Even better if money's a little tight for the more expensive department stores - a local second hand or thrift store, where you can find gently used fashions at a fraction of regular prices.

8. Get involved. Building up a strong social network can be crucial to good health. To stay active and connected to your community, try volunteering or joining a social group of your interest.

9. Eat right. Saturated fats and trans fats are linked to heart disease, cancer, weight gain, and, yes, even wrinkles! Research also shows that some of these not-so-great choices in our diet can keep us from getting enough sleep! So clear your pantry and fridge of foods that you know are unhealthy and start making healthy choices at the store.

10. Sleep! A lack of sleep puts us at risk - period. From everything to an increased risk of heart disease (see tip #9), a higher risk of automobile accidents, to a 15% greater risk of premature death. Get your zzzzz's!

[from John Tesh]

Economic Issues Drive More Into Therapy

The economic crisis is putting a lot of stress on a lot of people.

WAAY 31 spoke with a clinical psychologist who says offices around the country are seeing a three-fold surge in new patients. Dr. Roger Rinn says the stress from the economy is causing trouble in marriages, friendships and just about every other relationship.

And even if you think you're allright, it can creep up on you. "We all have weakness in our ability to cope with stress" Rinn said. "As you raise the stress you end up with more problems again and you may not even be aware of it." Dr. Rinn says he hasn't seen an increase like this since 9-11.

Dr. Rinn says if you're feeling stressed out, make an appointment to talk to someone. Do not attempt to self medicate with drugs or alcohol. And check with your health insurer - you might be surprised to see how well mental health is covered thanks to some new laws.

One of the hidden portions of last year's federal bailout legislation was a law requiring insurers to provide equal physical and mental health benefits.

[Copyright 2009 WAAYTV.com. All rights reserved.]

How To Stay Happy With The One You Love

1. First and foremost, love each other. Say "I love you" often and in different ways. Do things to keep your love and romance new and alive. Don't take love for granted, ever...
2. Listen objectively to each other, and accept each other completely. Give each other the right to disagree and to have different opinions.
3. Never stop treating each other like sweethearts. Talk to each other as sweethearts and do things that sweethearts do. Don't let external values have more importance than the internal feelings of your heart.
4. Take care of each other. Put the other one first, but don't neglect your own needs either. Do the things that show you're interested in your partner's needs, desires and problems.
5. Be joyful that you've each made a committment to the other...through sickness and health and everything else. Be thankful you're in this life together.
6. Talk about things together. Refuse to say anything negative about your partner. Never betray each other's secrets. Keep your own identity, but walk together as one.
7. Settle the fact that you've made your choice and you're no longer looking for anyone else. Don't flirt. Think of the consequences. Don't consider it.
8. Be in agreement about how your money is spent. Big items should have the approval of both. Talk about how to manage your finances.
9. Treat each other as you would want to be treated. If you've argued, never go to sleep at night without asking the other's forgiveness. Be faithful about this. Do what will make you both the happiest and be the best for your relationship.
10. Have fun!

[from Howtoencourage by Kay the Encourager]

6 Ways to De-Stress at the Dinner Table

What's dinnertime like at your place?

Maybe "dinner" consists of lukewarm takeout, eaten alone in front of the TV while you surf the Internet and answer email. Or perhaps the eat-and-run dinners you share with your spouse or partner barely leave you time to say "hello" and "goodbye" to each other. Or maybe your kitchen is starting to resemble a fast-food restaurant, with family members coming in and out and grabbing a bite between activities.

While the dinner hour once represented a calm oasis from the day's storm, experts say today it's often anything but relaxing.

"We're hurried, we're harried, we've turned up the volume of our lives to such a high number that we often can't even see how stressed we are. And we almost never see how we bring that stress to the dinner table, a place where traditionally we sought relaxation and comfort," says Mimi Donaldson, a stress and time management expert.

With blaring TVs, ringing cell phones and "You've got mail!" chiming in the background, in some homes the dinner hour is every bit as stressful as the rest of the day, says Donaldson, co-author of the book Bless Your Stress: It Means You're Still Alive.

"When you add in sibling rivalry and a dose of parental discipline, mealtime can quickly become a combat zone that nobody wants to enter," says Donaldson.

If you're thinking all this doesn't matter much, think again.

Recent research at Columbia University found that children who regularly had dinner with their families are less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol, and more likely to do better in school. In fact, studies show the best-adjusted children are those who eat with an adult at least five times a week, says Ann Von Berber, PhD, chair of the department of nutrition sciences at Texas Christian University in Fort Worth.

"Many studies support the importance of family mealtime in decreasing the incidence of teens who smoke, drink alcohol, participate in sex at a young age, start fights, get suspended from school, or commit suicide," says Von Berber.

And kids aren't the only ones who benefit from a peaceful repast. Experts say that couples as well as singles reap benefits when mealtime is a relaxing experience.

"It's not only better for the soul and spirit to dine quietly and slowly -- even if you're alone -- but it's also good for the digestion," says Loren Ekroth, PhD, a former family therapist from Las Vegas who is the founder of Conversation-Matters.com.

Of course, knowing we should relax at dinnertime is one thing; actually doing it is something else. To help you get started, our experts offered six guidelines for creating a mealtime experience everyone will look forward to.

READ MORE

[By Colette Bouchez, WebMD]

Divorce is Never an Easy Way Out of Marital Problems

God certainly did know what He was doing when He commanded us to take our marriage vows seriously, and not flee at the first sign of trouble. Jesus said, "Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate" (Mark 10:9).

Why does God take marriage so seriously? One reason is because He loves us and wants what is best for us - and He knows that casually walking away from our marriage is never best. Admittedly every marriage has its problems, but it's far better to face them and work through them than to end up in divorce court. This isn't always possible, I know, but I am convinced that with God's help most marriages can be saved.

The alternative is often a bitter harvest of anger, loneliness, feelings of failure, financial strain, fear of the future, depression and so on - the list is almost endless.

You can't change the past, but you can change the future - and the way to start is to turn to Christ and open your heart to Him. He wants to forgive the past, and He wants to guide your future. Begin again today by giving your life to Jesus Christ.

[Billy Graham]

The ABC's of a Great Marriage

A - Accept your partner as he/she is - no strings attached.
B - Be attentive, thoughtful and considerate.
C - Commit yourself and your marriage to God.
D - Date each other regularly and often.
E - Endure the difficult times with a good spirit.
F - Forgive any grievances you may have against each other.
G - Give affection generously.
H - Have fun together. Make wonderful memories!
I - Involve your partner totally in your life. Don't shut him/her out.
J - Journey through life together, looking forward to what's around the bend.
K - Keep the lines of communication open. Always be honest.
L - Listen, really listen to your partner.
M - Make love often.
N - Never gripe about your mate to others.
O - Openly praise your mate.
P - Pray together. The couple that prays together, stays together.
Q - Quit doing stupid things that annoy your partner.
R - Remember to put the lid on the toothpaste tube.
S - Start something new. Don't let your love grow stale.
T - Take time to tune in to each other.
U - Understand that there is ebb and flow in every relationship.
V - V.I.P.! Treat your partner like the most important person in the world.
W - Write love notes.
X - 'Xpress affection and tenderness every day.
Y - Your spouse is God's gift to you. Be thankful!
Z - Zoom! Your marriage will zoom into high gear when you give it your best.

[from Revitalize Your Church by Mark O. Wilson]

Improve Relationships - Do Not Correct Others

Have you ever misspoken, only to have someone correct you right away? Are you thankful that the person cared enough to point out your error to everyone within earshot? Some people just can’t resist pointing out other people’s errors, regardless of who’s present and how minuscule the error is.

I once knew someone that would jump at the chance to correct everyone at every chance he could. From grammatical errors to pronunciation mistakes to misspellings in email messages, this guy couldn’t resist adding his two cents and showing everyone how smart he was and how dumb everyone else was. How did people like this person? They hated him.

You might think that “hate” is too strong a word or inaccurate but it was the word most commonly used to describe this person by the folks who fell victim to his corrective-ness. It goes to show you that 1: people don’t like being corrected in public and 2: this guy would have been much better off just keeping his mouth shut.

From elementary school all the way up through adulthood, I’ve come across people that felt the need to correct others. Some had seemingly innocent intentions while others were excited at the opportunity to show everyone present that they were smarter than someone else. Regardless of their intentions, what they’ve accomplished through their corrections has ranged from ticking someone off to ruining a friendship.

Why people don’t like to be corrected:

First of all, it’s embarrassing to have someone point out your error; especially in front of a group (this is why many people are deathly afraid of public speaking). In many cases, the error is minor enough that most of the people listening didn’t catch it and the ones that did still understood the point. For example, you might be talking about a movie and say that you liked the Ferrari that the main character drove and someone might say “don’t you mean Lamborghini?” As a car fanatic that loves Italian sports cars, I can say that the cars are quite different but in the context of the conversation, everyone gets the point.

If someone was giving directions and said to take Maple Street instead of Oak Street, then that’s a good reason for correcting them. But pointing out in public that someone used incorrect grammar, pronounced a word wrong or said one thing but meant another is tactless – it adds no value to the conversation and all it does is embarrass the speaker.

Why people correct others:

Some people get their kicks and feel powerful by cutting others down so this correction can sometimes be considered a form of bullying. Others are honestly trying to help, but just lack the tact for doing it right. And still others are perfectionists and can’t help themselves. You’ve probably been in group conversations where someone had made the same mistake over and over again. I can think of a few of these such situations where everyone knew the person was making a mistake but still got the point, yet someone in an effort to help the person, pointed out the mistake and therefore embarrassed the person. Is it more embarrassing to realize you made a mistake that some people may have caught after the fact or to have someone point it out mid-conversation so that you know everyone listening now knows you made the mistake? I’d say the latter is much more embarrassing.

How to correct someone:

If it’s something small and there’s no harm done, pretend it never happened. I’ve seen people start to correct themselves but before they could, someone else jumped in to do it for them. So give the person at least a sentence or two to discover and correct the mistake on their own. If they keep making the mistake, then you might want to point it out in private. If the mistake they’re making can cause a problem (such as bad advice or wrong directions), then you can step in right away.

In either case, you want to make sure you handle it carefully. Here are some tips:

Don’t make a big issue out of it. Casually refer back to the conversation and then correct yourself.

Say something like “yeah, I get them mixed up too and people are always correcting me.”

If you have good rapport with the person, make a joke out of it but do so in a delicate manner.

Never be harsh, condescending or say anything that would hurt the other person’s feelings.

Again, with the exception of your own school-aged children (and even then, be polite when doing so), avoid the temptation of correcting people over minor mistakes. We’re all human and we all make mistakes from time to time so treat it the way you’d want others to treat you if you made a mistake.

[from: Overnight Sensation]

The Brain Reacts To Color

A new University of British Columbia study gives some new insight, and maybe your clothing choice of color for tomorrow!

The authors of the study published in the Feb. 5 issue of Science, Juliet Zhu and Ravi Mehta, found that both colors enhance performance, but in different ways, depending on the nature of your task. While the color red tends to be most effective at enhancing our attention to detail, blue works best at boosting our ability to think creatively.

Between 2007 and 2008, the researchers tracked more than 600 participants' performance on six cognitive tasks that required either detail-orientation or creativity. Most experiments were conducted on computers, with a screen that was red, blue or white.

When the participants were given attention-demanding or detail-oriented tasks such as memory retrieval and proofreading, they did best when primed with the color red, by as much as 31%!

Asked to be creative on tasks like brainstorming, they responded best to blue, sometimes producing twice as many creative ideas as when they were sitting in front of the red computer screen.

The colors red and blue influence our behavior sometimes through learned associations. "Thanks to stop signs, emergency vehicles and teachers' red pens, we associate red with danger, mistakes and caution," says Zhu. "People want to avoid those things, and that's why they do better on detail-oriented tasks."

Conversely, blue encourages us to think outside the box and be creative, says Zhu. "Through associations with the sky, the ocean and water, most people associate blue with openness, peace and tranquility," says Zhu. "The benign cues make people feel safe about being creative and exploratory. Not surprisingly it is people's favorite color."

So what can we take away from this? Zhu suggests that people engaged in creative tasks surround themselves with blue, and with red when trying to focus.

That means, if you've got a big day coming up at work or school really needing all your best focused brain power, look in your closet for something red to wear. But if you're trying to compose a poem to a special Valentine this weekend, or present a new major marketing campaign to your boss, then maybe your blue sweater's in order!

[research by the John Tesh staff]

Do You Need An Expert Counselor?

Have you ever had someone approach you as an expert in something? Feels good, even if you demur the attribution.

Occasionally someone makes such a comment to us counselors, “I heard you were the best counselor to deal with -- and so that is why I am here.”

I’ve been counseling long enough to know that while I do know something about some problems, the person giving me this compliment on the first meeting is also signalling me something about their thinking. Generally, they are signalling that that want me to fix their problem. Not always but often they want my expertise to rub off on them with minimal effort of their own. Although that is a good thing to consider when finding the right surgeon and yes you want to avoid incompetent counselors, good counseling is mostly accomplished by the hard work of the counselee. So when you consider what counselor you might need, consider the following:

1. Is the counselor promoting themselves as expert? Be wary. Experience is good. Identity as expert may not be. Promoting oneself as a “nationally recognized counselor?” Run!
2. Is the counselor known to be a talker? One who hands out “the 5 secret steps to solve…” Stay away.
3. Is the counselor known for listening skills? Are they willing to learn? This might be your best shot. Well, it would also be good if they have heard of your problem before too…

[from Musings of a Christian Psychologist by Phil]

Winter Weather and Your Mood

Probably ever since you were a kid, you associated cold and rain with gloom and warmth and sunshine with happiness. But does weather create the gloomy glooms, or have we simply decided it does? For most of us, it generally is what we've created for ourselves. For others, however, SAD, or Seasonal Affective Disorder is a reality. First, let's focus on those of us who have a choice, and are free to make choices that either better our disposition or worsen it.

Researchers have worked for years to confirm a relationship between weather and temperament. No great surprise, most of the studies connect a more depressed mood with high humidity and limited exposure to sunshine, and show that our spirits tend to rise with more time in the sun and higher barometric pressure.

Award winning columnist Rich Maloof writes at MSN.com about a study from last Fall involving more than 1,200 participants from Germany, most of them women, and which seems to go against prior research! The study's general conclusion was that the average effect of "good" weather on positive mood was minimal. Windy, cool, and darker days seemed to have just a slight negative effect on mood, with many subjects reporting that they felt tired or sluggish.

The study provides an interesting new perspective, but the results were hard to make conclusive - mostly because of a wide range of responses the participants recorded in their journals. What researchers are taking from the study, however, is that people differ in their sensitivity to daily weather changes. Some people's emotions are simply more vulnerable to weather changes than others, and can experience a depressive winter through a string of colder days with less sun. Being more susceptible to this can be the basis of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

And while most of us can take steps to overcome the gloomy mood inclement weather can create, even folks who suffer from SAD can take steps to empower themselves against their emotions being blown in the wind, so to speak!

Ani Kalayjian, Ed.D., R.N., professor of psychology at Fordham University in New York, encourages people to take charge of their feelings. Her self-help recommendations for SAD sufferers are applicable to anyone who wants to put a little sunshine in his or her step. Do things that make you feel good, like listening to uplifting music or reading a good novel. You should look at pictures from a vacation or, even better if possible, take a vacation to a warm place.

And of course, all of the tried-and-true methods of mood improvement and stress management apply as well, including eating well, getting enough sleep and regular exercise, moderating alcohol intake, and meditating, which all boils down to empowering yourself to break through those emotional clouds when they pass through your sunshine!

[Research by John Tesh]