Grief Support Group Meets in Fort Payne, Alabama

The DeKalb Grief Support Group meets the first and third Tuesday of every month at 6:30 PM at the Fort Payne Chamber of Commerce. This is a community service with no cost to attendees. The public is invited.

For more information, CLICK HERE for a PDF document, or CLICK HERE to connect with the Grief Support Group Blog.

The next meeting is Tuesday, May 4, 2010 at 6:30 PM. See you there!

Sex Therapy for Women with Low Libido

According to a group of new studies, young women between the ages of 18 and 30 are suffering from low libido at rates never seen before: 43% of women have sexual problems, they say. And 1 in 10 women doesn't want to have sex at all, trumpeted a recent ABC News story.

The weird part isn't the fact that women are reporting what experts like to call "sexual dysfunction," but that women this young are: Usually we think of sexual issues as the stuff that plagues the over-40 set.

But sexperts are now blaming 20-somethings with low libido on everything from stress (we're worried about our jobs/working longer hours) to birth control/antidepressants (both are potent chemical cocktails that can make lust dry up).

We also know that desire tends to decrease in long-term relationships, so you can be young and healthy and fit, but you could still experience a decrease in desire the longer you stay with someone, whether you're a woman or a man. Also, recently, because we have such a focus on desire and so many discussions about low libido, we have a lot more women questioning if their desire is at the right level. We're seeing a lot more distress than we used to.

The entertainment industry could be partly to blame. We see people that are always ready to have sex in movies and television, as if sex is always the number one priority in people's lives. But we know that's just not the case, and it shouldn't be. Worrying about work and school take precedence. Those stresses of life take their toll on sleep and eating and stress -- and also sex.

Is there a link between birth control and low sexual desire?

Some studies have found that a portion of women, not all, do experience lower sexual desire after they start the birth control pill. Unfortunately, a lot of researchers have tried to do more on this but have been unsuccessful in getting funding because, as you can imagine, there hasn't been a lot of interest from pharmaceutical companies to investigate this since they make those products.

What about women who take antidepressants?

We know that for some women on antidepressants, sexual problems are a common side effect, including difficulty with orgasm.

And how much do you think the inability to orgasm is related to low sexual desire?

It can be linked, but there are certainly many women who enjoy sex whether or not they have an orgasm, which is hard for a lot of men to grasp. If you're a woman who is used to having orgasms or for whom orgasms are important, and you don't have one, then desire might be affected next time you have sex. But, also, sex might not be pleasurable if you don't feel connected to your partner. And on average, women have lower sex drives than men, and sometimes that leads to what they feel is 'duty sex' or obligation sex, and it starts this cycle of dread. Overall, there can be lots of reasons why you lose desire.

What advice do you give women who are suffering from low libido?

I often ask women if it is a problem for them or a problem because they think they are disappointing their partner. They should also look at what's changed in their lives: Am I tired? Am I stressed? Did I just have a baby? Often lifestyle behaviors are very strongly related to sex, but we really undervalue that. If you think your partner wants it more than you, talk to your partner. Sometimes he doesn't know, and it's fine. You can do something else together.

As far as what you can do, there's some more research that mindfulness techniques can help. Women are very prone to cognitive distractions -- worrying about the laundry, worrying about the kids, worrying about school, instead of focusing on sex. Instead, you should focus on how the sheets feel on your skin, how your partner's skin and hair smells and how it feels to kiss them and touch them. Really focusing on those things can help you find the desire in sex again.

There's also research on storytelling techniques. Sometimes when our partner's approach us we think, "Oh no, he wants sex again. All he ever wants is sex." And that's a negative story. But if you can replace that with a positive story like, "He thinks I'm so hot, he can't resist himself,' we find that those positive sexy stories can help women feel in the mood.

There's still a lot of talk about the female Viagra. What about taking a drug that claims to increase desire?

For a portion of women, medication might be helpful if nothing else really works. But I think it'd be a mistake if drugs were the first line of treatment because we have decades of knowledge that sex therapy works well and more cognitive techniques can work. Mostly these things are about relationships: If you don't feel loved or desired or special to your partner or they are condescending towards you, a pill is not going to work.

People Going Through Divorce and Separation Find Hope, Help and Healing

People hurting from the pain of separation or divorce receive practical help and teaching at DivorceCare support groups. Nearly 13,000 churches across the US, Canada and several other countries around the world have been equipped to offer these life-changing groups.

DivorceCare groups meet in 13-week cycles throughout the year. People in the aftermath of a marital breakup can begin attending at any time. “People facing the trauma of divorce need help right away,” said Steve Grissom, founder and president of DivorceCare/Church Initiative. “With DivorceCare, the emergency room is always open.”

Grissom understands the need for DivorceCare. He created this program in 1993 after experiencing the pain of his own divorce.

And in an age where bad advice is passed off as wisdom, DivorceCare offers teaching based on ageless truths found in the Bible. This Christ-centered material works from the heart of the issue out, guiding participants to true healing and hope.

DivorceCare group participants gain counsel and encouragement through video teaching, small group discussion and weekly scripture study. Each group session includes a 35-minute video presentation featuring insights from respected Christian experts on divorce-related topics. Participants then spend time in discussion with other people who truly understand the tough issues of divorce and separation.

Topics discussed include:

• How to recognize, face and cope with difficult emotions (such as loneliness, anger, bitterness, depression, shame)
• Financial survival
• How to help your children through the changes
• The possibility of reconciliation
• What to do about new relationships
• Experiencing God’s comfort and help

“I began to heal rapidly, and I owe it all to DivorceCare!” exclaimed a participant in Iowa.

Many churches that offer DivorceCare also have a special group for children of divorce or separation, called DivorceCare for Kids. DC4K offers games, music, videos, crafts and more. Each aspect of DC4K is designed to help children identify and cope with their emotions and learn to communicate concerns with their parents.

“When DC4K and DivorceCare are run in tandem, it means that a family can begin healing together,” said Linda, a church ministry director in Ohio.

To find a nearby group, go to www.divorcecare.org/?healing and enter a zip/postal code, city or country. To find a group for children ages 5–12, visit www.dc4k.org/?healing.

(Source: Christian Newswire)

Becoming One in Marriage

There is a fine line between becoming one with your mate and still maintaining your God-given identity. It's challenging, but even more so if you're new to married life. If this is your story, maybe you're asking, "What does it mean to become one, and how do my spouse and I actually do it?"

Does a husband pursue his career over his wife's desire to move to another state for a once-in-a-lifetime job offer? Should a wife go out once a week with her girlfriends while her husband stays at home with the children? And how do they realistically merge their finances, possessions and time?

read more

Are the kids better off if we divorce?

Are the kids better off if we divorce? from MarriageToday on Vimeo.

DeKalb County Grief Support Group

The DeKalb County Alabama Grief Support meets the first and third Tuesday of every month at 6:30 PM at the Fort Payne Chamber of Commerce offices. The public is invited.

How to help a family member who is addicted.

Fighting addiction can be a daunting, overwhelming and depressing battle. And, at the end of it all- only the addict themselves can, indeed, be in control. But that doesn't mean that you, as a loved family member or friend, can't help.

Interventionist Brad Lamm offers this advice to families who may be waiting for a loved one to hit rock bottom before they step in to help.

People who change rarely do so in a vacuum. They change with the support of others. Add to the mix a compulsive behavior that has a real physiological jolt to it—a rush, a high or a numbing out—and it's even that much harder again to begin change.

When it comes to facing a family member's addiction, like frogs, we come to accept greater and greater compromises until it becomes the easy way to live. We lull ourselves into thinking: "Tiger's okay. It's better lately." That thinking must stop and be replaced by this truth: "We will wait no longer nor try to beat the heat. We will act now in love, with purpose and a plan."

In Lamm's How to Change Someone You Love, his purpose was to turn the whole idea of change on its head and help Frogs jump and Tigers talk. Whether teaching or intervening, Lamm challenges families to start this process of change by jumping out of the increasingly costly situations they find themselves in.

The next step is that they throw out the myths that have kept them stuck in indecision in the first place:

Myth 1: He Has to Hit Bottom - The notion of hitting bottom is a lie. One compulsive addict Lamm had worked with described his urge to engage in his addictive behavior as all consuming. "I don't think straight for days at a time; it's like I'm crazy." He's in an altered state from it- a common occurrence- whatever the behavior. Why would we wait for him to think his way out of the problem? We don't need to. With some behavior, a "bottom" that people wait to hit is often someone, perhaps a spouse, or even a stranger, to get hurt. You can decide where the bottom is. You need not sink any further.

Myth 2: You Can't Change Someone - We are wonderful, adaptable, changeable creatures—and love is the greatest motivation of all for change. More than fear or danger. Love.

When Lamm takes an initial call from someone struggling to help a loved one, he all-too-often also hears the fear surrounding the myth that you can't change someone. It becomes his work to blow that lie out of the water. Lamm states, "If you care about someone who has a self-destructive problem, you are not powerless. In fact, the greatest power you have is the connectedness you have with your loved one. The human brain behaves like a 2-year old—tell it what to do, and it pushes back."

Instead, Lamm advises, invite your loved one into a family meeting. Combat the denial, the confusion and pain with love and your eyewitness accounts of the situation, and you're off to a strong start. Secrets and fear suck the oxygen out of the room when trying to enable change.

Fall into hope and love. It will serve you best.

Myth 3: You Can't Help Someone Unless He's Ready - Finally, Lamm challenges the myth that you cannot help someone begin change unless he's ready as nonsense. Through a loving invitation to change and family intervention, an addict can be helped to get ready.

While we may not agree with everything Lamm says, it at least challenges us to do something now.

Ways to Cope With Stress and be More Happy

Take More Restroom Breaks - There's a reason it's called the restroom: It's the one place — at work or at home — where no one will bother you. If you're overwhelmed, steal away for a five-minute meditation break. Inhale deeply into your belly and try to focus on your breathing. You'll emerge calmer, and maybe even more productive. Research shows that meditation can improve your ability to concentrate.

Show Up Five Minutes Early - Everyone knows the feeling: You're running late, stuck in traffic, glancing at your watch every 30 seconds in frustration. Give yourself extra time to get wherever you need to go. Being an early bird will kill stress by giving you more control over your day and your commitments.

Change Your Stress Eating - The best stress-quashing foods are made by Mother Nature, not Baskin-Robbins. Berries are naturally rich in vitamin C, which helps fight increased levels of cortisol, a stress hormone. A handful of pistachios can lower your blood pressure, which means less of a spike when you get that next rush of adrenaline.

Quit Stress Drinking - Yes, a few cocktails can relax you, but alcohol also prevents your brain from entering stages of deep sleep. And sleep and stress are bound together: Chronic stress can keep you up at night, and a lack of sleep can also lead to further stress. Limit yourself to no more than one drink a night.

Get Your Heart Pumping - Stress makes your body spew out two hormones: cortisol and adrenaline. These chemicals put your body into fight-or-flight mode, ratcheting up your energy level and causing your heart to pound and your muscles to tense. Exercise gives you an outlet to release some of that tension. A good workout also increases your levels of "feel-good" chemicals called endorphins.

Make It a Comedy Night - Researchers say that merely anticipating a laugh can jump-start healthy changes in the body by reducing levels of stress hormones, which have been linked to conditions like obesity, heart disease, and memory impairment, to name just a few.

Enjoy the Company of Friends - Socializing releases oxytocin, a chemical that can help combat stress hormones and lower your blood pressure. Whether it's spending time with dog lovers, book club buddies, or siblings — whatever group you like — just knowing you're not alone can go a long way toward coping with stress.

[research by the John Tesh staff]

7 Quick Ways To Calm Down

Anxiety zappers that can rescue you from daily stresses:

1. Walk Away - Know your triggers. If a conversation about global warming, consumerism, or the trash crisis in the U.S. is overwhelming you, simply excuse yourself. If you're noise-sensitive and the scene at Toys-R-Us makes you want to throw whistling Elmo and his buddies across the store, tell your kids you need a time-out. (Bring along your husband or a friend so you can leave them safely, if need be.)

2. Close Your Eyes - Gently let the world disappear, and go within to regain your equilibrium.

3. Find Some Solitude - This can be challenging if you are at work, or at home with kids as creative and energetic as mine. But we all need some private time to let the nervous system regenerate.

4. Go Outside - Experience the wind and the sun.

5. Find some water - Water helps in many ways. When over-aroused, keep drinking it – a big glass of it once an hour. Walk beside some water, look at it, listen to it. Get into some if you can, for a bath or a swim. Hot tubs and hot springs are popular for good reasons.

6. Breathe Deeply - Breathing is the foundation of sanity, because it is the way we provide our brain and every other vital organ in our body with the oxygen needed for us to survive. Breathing also eliminates toxins from our systems.

7. Listen to Music - Across the ages, music has been used to soothe and relax. "Softly, deftly, music shall caress you, Feel it, hear it, secretly possess you...."

[By Therese J. Borchard, Beliefnet]

Job 23:10-11

A Marriage Prayer

Lord, help us remember when we first met and the strong Love that grew between us.

To work that Love into practical things so nothing can divide us.

We ask for words both kind and loving, and for hearts always ready to ask for forgiveness as well as to forgive.

Dear Lord, we put our marriage into your hands.

We pray this Marriage Prayer in the name of Jesus Christ, - AMEN.

[from Revitalize Your Church by Mark O. Wilson]

Grief Support Group in Fort Payne

[Click on image to enlarge.]