Getting closer to your partner could take some effort, yet can be one of the most important undertakings you’ll make in your relationship. And an undertaking that may not happen simply on its own. Here are ideas from www.Oprah.com contributor Marcus Buckingham to foster loving connections, and being certain that you are “supporting the being” of your partner:
1. Spend time discovering the experiences that strengthen your partner the most.
2. Create situations in which your partner will be able to experience these moments – with or without you. You needn’t try to enjoy your partner’s strengthening moments thinking it will bring you closer together. If you’re pretending to like something that you don’t, it won’t.
3. Design an evening where your sole purpose is to express gratitude for your partner. Talk about all the ways your partner makes your life better, the little things that you notice and appreciate and the impact your partner has on the lives of your children, if you have them. Use specific examples to illustrate what you are saying.
4. Every week, plan to share a mutually strengthening experience together.
5. Inevitably your partner will do things that frustrate or annoy you. Strive to focus on what’s working, or what “working” would look like, and then find evidence that your partner is doing it. Look for it. Believe in it. You’ll be surprised when your partner begins to transform before your eyes. We get what we look for.
6. Research reveals the ways you perceive your spouse not only color your current reality, but they actually alter your relationship and thereby create your future reality. So, when looking at your spouse, choose your perceptions carefully.
When the desire to connect, support and love outshines the need to be right about your partner, you’re onto something. It is a deliberate choice to look for the best in the people around us. Always look for what’s working. Attention amplifies.
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