April - National Stress Awareness Month

It is so easy to get stressed these days.

Watching the news makes you stressed. Checking the weather makes you stressed. Then there are the thousand shocks you must bear in just going about your daily life: You are driving and someone cuts you off. Your boss barks at you. All the salespeople are surly. You can't reach a human on the phone. Just before the deadline, your computer crashes.

But it doesn't stop there.

As soon as you get stressed, you see the world through stressful eyes. Then it's you who speaks in an abrupt, dismissive way. It's you who cuts off another driver, you who pushes past someone in the store. It's you snapping at your children. It's you jumping to conclusions. It's you making mistakes that cause problems down the line.

In other words, stress gets passed on. It has a domino effect. Your stress becomes someone else's stress, and this becomes someone else's stress.

But what if we could stop the stresscalation?

"Stresscalation," as far as I can tell, is a term first coined by Ruth Dailey Grainger in 1992, in an article for the American Journal of Nursing. In that article, she uses the term primarily to describe how we exacerbate our own stress. For example, she cites obsessive thinking, living in the future, procrastinating and perfectionism as some of the ways we make our own stress worse.

But I am using the term "stresscalation" to mean the way in which we pass our own stress on to others, creating ever-expanding ripples of stress. I therefore see stresscalation not just as a personal health issue but as an ethical issue. To put it bluntly, when we pass our stress on to others, we violate the Golden Rule. We dump onto others what was just dumped onto us.

We might do this in flagrant ways -- shouting, blaming or roadraging -- or we might do it in more subtle ways -- sending a nasty look, using a brittle tone of voice, not giving someone the benefit of the doubt, treating others as if they were "in our way," or just being impatient with people because they happen to be younger or older or slower or more feeble or more ignorant or less important or more arrogant or more inconsiderate than we are.

But if we reframe stresscalation as an act of violence, a small but significant factor in making the world a more fearful, angry or jumpy place, then perhaps we could also consider stopping the stresscalation to be an ethical imperative.

Stresscalation is a political issue, too. Call me naïve, but I believe that most people genuinely want the world to be a more peaceful place. I also believe that most people think their actions are part of the solution (or at least not part of the problem). But I wonder how many times, each day, in the environments right near us, we actually make the world less peaceful simply by passing on our stress to others.

If we can't stop the domino effect of stress right here in our homes, workplaces and communities, how can we expect others to stop their conflicts in faraway places, in situations where the history of stresscalation is much deeper? If our political conversations are conducted from a baseline of stress, what kind of results can we expect? If our workplaces are emotionally toxic, what kinds of decisions do we make?

When you are stressed, it is simply impossible to think with a clear mind or to hear with an open heart. Consider this everyday example: When you are stressed, are you really able to listen to what someone else is trying to say? And if you are not really listening, what is the effect of that failure to listen on the person who is trying to talk to you? As she struggles to get her point across, or leaves the conversation feeling confused, frustrated, unsatisfied or unheard, what have you really accomplished?

But what if we made an ethical decision to not pass our stress on to others? What if we approached each business meeting, each political discussion or each private, difficult conversation first by trying to reduce our stress? Think of the reverberations if we could each reduce our own stress footprint -- if we could diminish our own contribution to the stresscalation -- in a small way, right where we are. Imagine if we were in the habit of taking a moment, regularly, to greet each new moment with fresh eyes, uncolored by the stress that came before.

As April is National Stress Awareness Month, I will be writing several articles here about stresscalation and how to stop it. I'd like to hear from you. How do you avoid picking up other people's stress? How could we do better at not passing it on? And what positive actions could we take today to make someone else's day less stressful?

Of course, stopping the stresscalation is not always easy. It's particularly challenging when someone has clearly just dumped his stress on you, and you are feeling aggrieved or resentful. But it really doesn't matter where the stress comes from, or whose fault it is. Once you are stressed, in that moment, it becomes your responsibility. You are holding the hot potato. And what you do with it is up to you.

[by Martin Boroson, author of "One-Moment Meditation: Stillness for People on the Go," and offers training in this technique in corporations, hospitals and online. His e-training course, OMM365, and a free animated training video are available at www.onemomentmeditation.com.]

Study Shows Brain Activity in Food Addicts Similar to Other Addicts

For Michael Prager, food used to be much more than a way to get his daily doses of nutrients or to satisfy a craving for a tasty treat.

"From an early age, I ate for reasons that other people didn't, and I ate in amounts that other people didn't," Prager said. "I stole money from my mother's purse and I stole candy from stores before I was 10 years old."

As an adult, he often stocked up on junk food after work and ate almost all of it. Food controlled him so much, in fact, he felt the need to stop for food after getting off at midnight so he wouldn't have to go back out in the middle of the night.

Now 53, it took years of binge eating and yo-yo dieting to realize he had an addiction to food.

"I used food as a coping mechanism. It's similar to the way people use drugs, or alcohol, or shopping or sex."

That's an idea supported by a new study that found food may indeed be just like a drug.

Researchers led by Yale University doctoral student Ashley Gearhardt discovered that women who exhibit more signs of food addiction, when shown a picture of a milkshake and then given a taste of it, had more activity in areas of the brain associated with "craving" than women who showed fewer signs of food addiction. The women who showed more signs of food addiction had less activity in the part of the brain that decreases the desire to eat.

In order to measure food addiction, the researchers used a scale similar to the one used to measure drug addiction.

"We got interested in this research because there have been a lot of interesting findings in looking at parallels between obesity and substance dependence. Studies have shown brain pattern similarities," said Gearhardt.

"Anticipation of a delectable treat provided the greatest activation, even more so than getting a taste of it," said Bonnie Levin, director of the Division of Neuropsychology at the University of Miami School of Medicine. Levin was not involved in the study.

Stigma Surrounds Food Addicts

Food addicts exhibit many of the symptoms as those addicted to drugs and alcohol, including an obsession or preoccupation with food, binge eating and a lack of control over eating. Food addicts are often criticized about their inability to say no to overeating.

Not all food addicts are obese, and not everyone who overeats is a food addict.

"We saw the same brain activation patterns in lean participants as well as the obese ones," said Gearhardt. "BMI [body mass index] is not a good indicator about whether you're out of control with eating."

Experts say there's a lot of stigma surrounding food addiction, including the assertion that it's just an excuse for overeating and avoiding personal responsibility. In reality, food addicts are driven to eat.

"Part of the brain responds to anticipation of a reward," said Levin. "Some people can resist it and others cannot."

"I wanted no part of the realization that I had an addiction," said Prager. "Everyone thinks obesity is a matter of sloth and that obese people need to try harder."

Although it may seem that an addiction to heroin, cocaine or alcohol is more dangerous, experts say an addition to food is just as serious. Obesity is associated with a number of serious health problems as well as soaring health care costs.

"We already see such a large amount of people struggling with obesity, but kids are also eating a lot of unhealthy foods. The earlier people are exposed, the more likely they are to develop an addiction," said Gearhardt.

The study's authors also hope future studies can determine how the brain responds to food ads and whether certain foods are addictive. With that knowledge, they believe, advertising can be used to send healthier messages about food.

Addicted to Food," premieres on the Oprah Winfrey Network. The eight-episode series follows food addicts and others with eating disorders at a treatment facility with the goal of addressing issues that led to their problems with eating and finding their way to recovery.

Prager knows all about that long road to recovery. After years of therapy, he realizes now that food no longer controls him. He even wrote a book about it.

But as with most addicts, it's a battle he fights every day.

"There's no such thing as solving something forever. You have to take it one day at a time." To read Michael Prager's blog click here.

The following questions are part of the survey done by researchers at Yale University to help determine if you could have a food addiction.

Answer options for this section: 0 - Never 1 - Once per month 2 – 2-4 times per month 3 - 2-3 times per week 4 - 4+ times per week

1) I find myself consuming certain foods even though I am no longer hungry. THRESHOLD: 4

2) I worry about cutting down on certain foods. THRESHOLD: 4

3) I feel sluggish or fatigued from overeating. THRESHOLD: 3 or 4

4) I have spent time dealing with negative feelings from overeating certain foods, instead of spending time in important activities such as time with family, friends, work, or recreation. THRESHOLD: 4

5) I have had physical withdrawal symptoms such as agitation and anxiety when I cut down on certain foods. (Do NOT include caffeinated drinks: coffee, tea, cola, energy drinks, etc.) THRESHOLD: 3 OR 4

6) My behavior with respect to food and eating causes me significant distress. THRESHOLD: 3 OR 4

7) Issues related to food and eating decrease my ability to function effectively (daily routine, job/school, social or family activities, health difficulties). THRESHOLD: 3 OR 4

Answer options for this section: No Yes

IN THE PAST 12 MONTHS…

8) I kept consuming the same types or amounts of food despite significant emotional and/or physical problems related to my eating. YES or NO

9) Eating the same amount of food does not reduce negative emotions or increase pleasurable feelings the way it used to. YES or NO

TO MEET THE FOOD ADDICTION THRESHOLD PEOPLE NEED TO MEET THE THRESHOLD FOR EITHER QUESTION 6 OR 7 AND MEET THE THRESHOLD FOR 3 OR MORE OF THESE QUESTIONS (1-5, 8-9). IF YOU MEET THE FOOD ADDICTION THRESHOLD, THE RESEARCHERS AT YALE SAY YOU SHOULD SPEAK WITH A DOCTOR.

[BY KIM CAROLLO, SARAH AMOS AND BOJANA ZUPAN - ABC News]

The Demanding Effects of Stress

Our bodies respond to stimuli, whether they are bad or good. Everyone experiences stress at some time in life. Positive stress is effective in helping us to perform at high levels of expectations. Some children do well in examinations, because the anxiety and emotional overtones challenge them to pay attention to details. Public speakers are aware of the critics who seem to challenge every word and interpretation of information shared. Television personalities are under the watchful eyes of those who think that they are the experts in dress, voice tones, gestures and articulations.

Amidst this awareness, they still perform at their superlative levels. They seem to understand that the mirror of the community cannot shape them, for they have their individual personalities, judgments and choices. Negative stress has some damaging effects on the body, therefore, attention must be given to the stressors in our lives. The following are some of the effects that stress can have on our bodies — muscle tension, blood clots, skin irritation, insomnia, high levels of anxiety, high blood pressure, headaches, fatigue, body pain, indigestion, stomach ulcers, depression, asthma attacks, loss of energy, failure to work productively, problems in relationships because of bad attitudes, low tolerance and uncontrolled anger.

After a death or loss, most persons experience emotions of guilt, rage, fear, helplessness, loneliness, panic, dismay, anguish, despair, resentment, disappointment, yearning, anxiety, apathy, regret, feelings of abandonment, sorrow, vindictiveness, pain, inadequacy, denial and distrust. These are the tasks that a person in grief must work out in order to aid in the recovery process. It will be challenging, but you must use your own skills and temperament to recover in order to move on with your life. You must accept the reality of your loss through death or other disappointments. Talk about it until you reach a level of acceptance. As you experience the stress that comes from pain and grief, seek professional help that will help you to develop coping skills that will hinder you from damaging your health.

You will not be able to push all the pain and grief away if you internalize them and pretend that you are doing well. To pretend that you are strong enough to deal with the hurt will often cause your emotions to fester which in turn will affect your entire life. Learn to adjust to the environment in which your loved one is missing. Remember the pleasant things that you enjoyed doing together. Go to the places where you spent time together.

As you encounter each aspect of your life without the person, you have to learn new skills for living without the deceased. You cannot withdraw from the world and all your former relationships. If you have lost property, status or transfers, you have to take responsibility for your life and find alternatives, knowing that you have to function and survive.

Here are some symptoms that you are in grief irrespective of the cause:

• Crying continuously.
• Contemplating suicide.
• Suffering from extreme loneliness.
• Neglecting personal hygiene.
• Engaging in self-criticism.
• Thinking that there is no recovery from the loss.
• Sighing a lot.
• Can’t sleep at nights.
• Feeling constantly tired.
• Susceptible to illness, flues and colds.
• Tempted to take too many drugs.
• Staying extremely busy in order to have little time to think.
• Eating disorder.
• Can’t think clearly.

An optimistic approach to life can help you to overcome the unattractive experiences. Learn to cope with the unexpected and smile through the seemingly unbearable.

[by Dr. Pansy Hamilton Brown]

Compromise

A marriage is maintained and strengthened by compromise, as is the relationship between parent and child. (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NIV)

Things to Forget - Things to Remember

Things to Forget:

The bad stuff someone said about you.

The time you were overlooked or excluded.

The wonderful things you did for someone (which should have been noticed.)

How great (perfect) you are.

That you were right (I told you so!).

How bad "they" treated you.

Why you deserve to be first (or other special treatment).

Your grudges.

Your pet peeves.

The time someone disappointed you.

Your self-centered notions.

Things to Remember:

To say "Thank You".

To express your love and affection.

The gestures of kindness others have shown to you.

That any success you achieve is due, at least in part, to others.

That God answers prayer.

That you are not God, so you don't have to control everything.

To do your homework.

To lend a helping hand.

That persistence pays off.

What brings true happiness (things money can't buy).

To seize the day and make the most of the moments.

[from Revitalize Your Church by Mark O. Wilson]

How to Stay in Love

Our society is obsessed with falling in love.

Just watch any romantic comedy or listen to most love songs, the focus on love these days leans heavily toward falling in love. This isn’t surprising though is it? I mean what’s the prerequisite for falling in love?

A pulse. That’s about it.

Truth be known while we’re all naturally equipped to fall in love, most of us are ill equipped to stay in love.

I once heard Andy Stanley say, “The foundation for staying in love is to make love a verb.”

Jesus himself said, John 13: 34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”

This is cool. Do you see what he did? He takes a word we use as a noun and he makes it a verb. He’s essentially saying love isn’t something you find but something you do.

See we think we want to feel our way into an action. If I feel in love then I’ll be loving.

Jesus taught that actually it’s the opposite. You don’t feel your way into an action. You act your way into a feeling. Act loving, be loving, then you’ll feel love.

And that my friends is how I think you not only fall in love, but stay in love.

[from Without Wax by Pete Wilson]

Is your marriage struggling?

Rejoicing in Reconciliation from World Impact TV on Vimeo.

Open Letter Concerning Pre-Marriage Counseling

"My wife and I didn't need premarital counseling.

"You see, we were special. We rarely fought. In fact, we loved everything about each other—right down to the silly little quirks others might find annoying. Plus, we were madly in love! Maybe counseling was necessary for those other couples—the ones that didn't love each other as much as we did. But we were fine. The intensity of our affection was more than enough to carry us through the challenges of married life.

"Unfortunately, my future in-laws failed to grasp our exceptional status; they insisted on two months of counseling before we walked down the aisle.

"I'm glad that they did. It turned out we weren't so unique after all. In counseling we unearthed differing expectations and caught a helpful glimpse at some of the challenges of living together. We discovered invaluable relationship skills that came in handy, especially once the euphoria of new love began to fade. Turns out everyone needs premarital counseling."

Premarital Counseling is designed to help you reflect on counseling goals, learn creative exercises, and consider the "touchy" situations of marriage with resources. Call the Relationship Clinic before taking another step.

In an Affair? ... Now What?

It started innocently enough. You connected on FaceBook with an old boyfriend or girlfriend (isn’t technology wonderful?) — or started meeting regularly for lunch or drinks with a colleague from the office. You felt the chemistry, but you weren’t going to act on it. And since “nothing” was going on, you didn’t need to tell your spouse. But now you can’t deny it any longer. Whether your relationship has become physical or remains technically just a friendship, you know that you are in deep. You don’t want to hurt your spouse, but you are sure that ending your affair would break your heart.

At times like these, it can help to know something about human nature. When people feel intense emotions, the parts of their brains that process emotions become more active. Meanwhile, the logical parts of their brains remain relatively inactive. The result? People find ways to make sense of, and support, their emotional state; and it’s incredibly difficult to challenge this emotionally driven thinking.

When someone is having an affair, this kind of thinking intensifies the passion of their new love while also magnifying the inadequacies of their spouse, or their current “real” life. They can try to argue with themselves about how they shouldn’t feel as they do and how pursuing the affair is not a good idea, but that approach usually leaves them feeling a stronger “need” to pursue it. Still, the guilt about doing this can also be overwhelming.

So, if you are caught in this dilemma, what can you do? The first step is to fully acknowledge it. Trying to pretend that a budding love doesn’t exist, or isn’t that strong, will only send your awareness of it underground; where it will influence you without your even realizing it. You will likely find yourself the victim of a surprise attack; I was avoiding her and was okay with that, but then she needed my help with something, and, well… The next thing you know, you are thinking this must be fate. If, instead, you admit to your feelings and look squarely at the problem, you can begin to address it.

Addressing it means, in part, admitting that your thinking is clouded by strong emotions. With this acknowledgment, you are choosing to lead with your head and not your heart. You can consider your values and at least try to correct for the bias of your emotionally driven thinking. This doesn’t mean ignoring your emotions, but rather considering them with the perspective of what’s best for you in the long run. Remember, after all is said and done, after your heart’s fluttering has subsided, you will need to be able to wake up every morning with the results of your actions — so consider them carefully.

Think about your marriage vows and how important they are to you. Think about the effects of continuing an affair on your thoughts and feelings about yourself, as well as on your spouse, children, new love, and anyone else involved.

Many people want to savor their new love, but still have strong incentives to work on their marriage. They want to strive to be happy again with their spouse, not disrupt their lives (for themselves and their children), and do the right thing. But they also ultimately want to be assured of having romantic love in their lives if their efforts at reviving their marriage fail. The dilemma is understandable. However, holding onto both relationships simply does not work. It can’t. Honestly working on a relationship means giving yourself wholeheartedly to it.

[by Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD, WebMD.com]

Is your HDL helping or hurting your risk for Alzheimer’s disease?

You probably know that having high levels of HDL (high-density lipoprotein) cholesterol has been associated with a reduced risk for heart disease, but did you know that it may also reduce your risk for Alzheimer’s disease?

A study published in the December 2010 issue of the Archives of Neurology found that having high levels of HDL (defined as a level greater than 55) is associated with lower risk for late-onset Alzheimer’s disease.

This is great news! But what can you do if your HDL is low? Here are 5 very simple things you can do to increase your HDL, and they will boost your brain function at the same time. How cool is that?

1. Get moving. Regular aerobic or interval exercise can increase your HDL in as little as two months. I recommend Burst Training, which is a form of interval training that is so simple anyone can do it. You can find a Sample Burst Training workout in my upcoming book The Amen Solution.
2. Lose weight. Even dropping a few pounds has been shown to boost HDL levels. If you need help shedding the extra weight, then you’re going to love the new program I’m going to be introducing soon. It will hold your hand through the process and help you every step of the way.
3. Quit smoking. Duh. Smoking lowers your HDL and constricts blood flow to the brain.
4. Pump up your intake of omega-3 fatty acids. Eating more wild salmon, walnuts, DHA-enriched eggs, and avocados can increase HDL, as can taking an omega-3 supplement.
5. Go low-glycemic. Eating too many refined carbohydrates and simple sugars can lower HDL. Stick with complex carbohydrates that are low-glycemic and high in fiber.

[from Amen Clinics by Dr. Amen]

A New Study Shows a Link Between Suicide and Children of Divorce

Children with divorced parents are at an increased risk of suicidal thoughts, with boys especially vulnerable to the effects of marital breakups.

These new findings were revealed by the recent study, “Suicidal Ideation Among Individuals Whose Parents Have Divorced,” conducted by Esme Fuller-Thompson, a professor at the University of Toronto.

Using a sample of 6,647 adults, 695 of whose parents had divorced before they were 18, Fuller-Thompson found that men from divorced households were three times as likely to have seriously considered suicide, while women had an 83 percent higher chance of having done the same.

Even when Fuller-Thomson adjusted for additional factors like parental abuse and addiction, which often accompany divorce, men still had twice the likelihood of having had suicidal thoughts. These findings suggest that divorce can have seriously adverse effects on children. We asked Esme Fuller-Thompson to help illuminate her study and its implications.

What was the most surprising finding of the study?

“We’re certainly not the first [group] to find a link between parental divorce and suicidal ideation. We were looking at gender differentiation – whether adult sons and adult daughters have different [responses]. Both men and women are at increased risk of suicidal ideation – at some time in their life they’ve seriously considered suicide. When you look at it carefully, and we had a big sample, what we found was that the association between parental divorce and suicidal ideation disappeared when I took out women who had also experienced parental addictions and abuse. But for men, the relationship still existed. Men who had experienced a parental divorce that had not been exposed to those other childhood factors still were at greater risk for suicidal ideation.”

Why might boys be more affected than girls?

“Probably loss of the male role model, the father figure. The majority of children of divorce are raised by their moms. There are a portion of children who have very limited contact with their dad. The loss of a male role model is very significant for young men who are developing their gender identities. When you look back at the general literature, that seemed to be the one that popped up, but we don't know for sure.”

Are there some differences between men and women generally in terms of suicidal thoughts?

“Women have higher rates of suicidal ideation, while men are more likely to complete suicide. They tend to take steps such as shooting or hanging themselves. Women will attempt, but with drugs where you can catch them if you get it in time. In the general population, whose parents haven't divorced, among males 5.5 percent had seriously considered suicide, among females 8.7 percent. But when I looked at men who've experienced parental divorce, I had 17.5 percent. For females it went to 17.5 percent too, but compared to norms, women had a higher baseline to start with.”

What’s the link between having divorced parents and exposure to other negative factors?

“Basically, parental divorces are higher if there’s an addicted parent, and childhood physical abuse is higher in blended families. The majority of children of divorce don’t become suicidal, or are exposed to these stresses, though they have a higher chance of exposure.”

What were some limitations of your study?

“We don’t have all the intense details I would like to have. Though the parents had to divorce before the kid was 18, though one would expect the timing of the divorce would affect their experience – we didn’t have access to that information, or things like, how much contact the child had with the father afterward, or when exactly the suicidal thoughts occurred.”

What can divorced parents take from this?

“I don’t want everyone to panic, every divorced mom to go into an apoplectic fit! The vast majority of divorced children have never been suicidal. It’s just one factor among many. You want it to be replicated many times before you really know what’s going on. It seems to indicate that health professionals should use this as one more screening tool, particularly among men, particularly if they’re depressed. We need to think a little more creatively about how to build resilience in children as they’re experiencing parental divorce.”

[from The Huffington Post, by Amy Lee]

8 Ways To Manage Your Stress

Life is full of stressors at home and on our jobs. Follow these simple tips, such as eating healthier and exercising, to reduce the stress in your life.

1. General Health - Practicing good basic health habits provides you with the energy you need to cope with stress, like: eating regular, nutritious meals, and limiting your intake of foods high in sugar and caffeine, since these can aggravate stress.

2. Good Nutrition - In addition to good nutrition, getting seven to nine hours of sleep every night will help your overall health.

3. Regular Exercise - Regular exercise is another important health habit -- walking, jogging, bicycling, aerobics. Any sport can help relieve muscle tension and release pent-up energy. In addition, exercise can make you feel good. It can help you think more clearly, and feel better about yourself.

4. Group Support - Another way to cope with stress is to develop a network of caring friends and relatives who will listen to problems, provide companionship, and simply be there when you need them.

5. Seek Professional Help if Needed - For major life changes or crises, professional help may be advisable. Call the Relationship Clinic for an appointment today.

6. Learn To Manage Stress In Healthy Ways - In our day-to-day lives, too often we become stressed-out by a world that heaps change on us. That’s why learning to manage stress in healthy ways is one of the most important things we can do to achieve a healthier, productive and rewarding life.

7. Make Time For Yourself - Making time for yourself for things you enjoy and find relaxing is as important as scheduling your time at work.

8. Take A Break From Everyday Routines - Time spent away from your everyday routine with family, friends, or even by yourself can help change your perspective on things.

[from Beliefnet]