Winter Time Blues

For years now, I have watched people suffer from what I term the winter time blues. Instead of making life more relaxing and less stressful, they just add more stress.

One client recently told me, "Last year I started a new job the day before Thanksgiving. The whole rest of November and December were terrible. Partly because of the circumstances of the job itself and partly because it was that time of the year. I made it through and still have the same job, now love it and am doing great. This year I adopted a Lab pup from my daughter who bought it for my grandson and they then decided it was too much trouble. It is a sweetheart, but of course trying to train it is a challenge. I think it too, like the job, will be fine by the time my winter funk runs its course, so I'm not going to give up on it. However, next year I will be keeping my life as stress free as possible from November to February, if at all possible. I hate this feeling of fatigue and nervous stomach all the time and the blah feeling. I am just looking for some advice, support, and encouragement."

If you are experiencing the winter time blues, make an appointment at the Relationship Clinic for therapy.

How Can I Stop Cutting?

Cutting is dangerous and at the very least, unhealthy. Despite this, in the absence of actual coping skills, many people cut themselves, young people especially. Many people cut for the same reasons, they hurt, they feel numb and there is little or no help available. People say that cutting helps release their emotional pain. It lets them know that they are … "still alive” … and can feel something.

Cutting is a sign that someone needs help. If the immediate family is unable to help sufficiently, professional treatment can help. Talk to either your school counselor or a trusted adult family friend. Tell them how much you are suffering and that sometimes you cut yourself to feel better.

There are better and more appropriate ways to deal with your emotional pain and hopefully, when you inform the school counselor or a family friend, they can steer into the appropriate treatment. Inform someone of your cutting immediately.

Professional help is available.

Don't Let Money Issues Tear Your Relationship Apart

They say money can’t buy love, but it CAN tear a relationship apart. Here are three ways to put a stop-payment on your money bickering, so you can start saving for your future. These come from Psychologist Dr. Jonathan Rich, who wrote the book: The Couple’s Guide To Love And Money.

• Create 3 bank accounts. Start with separate “his” and “hers” accounts. Then add a third “ours” account. Dr. Rich says that’ll be the one you use to cover shared expenses – like the mortgage, utilities, and food. If one of you makes more than the other – make the “ours” account the same percentage of your total pay so it’s fair. Then use your individual accounts for personal fun. That way neither of you will feel deprived if one of you wants to splurge.
• Stay focused on your long-term goals. Sailors are told to fight sea-sickness by staring at the distant horizon. That way their brain can focus on something stable, instead of the objects bobbing up and down in the water close by. Dr. Rich says that advice applies to money too. Bickering over small day-to-day expenses will strain your relationship. Instead, concentrate on the big picture. Sit down and map out some long-term goals – like saving to buy a house. Then after you agree on a plan, check in with each other only ONCE a month, to make sure you’re still on course.
• Always share the wealth. It’s normal for men to thrive on competition, but rivalries have NO place in a marriage. If one of you gets a raise at work, consider it a raise for BOTH of you. Don’t stress out over who’s the bigger breadwinner! So if one of you gets a holiday bonus this year, Dr. Rich says cheer each other on. Don’t turn it into a competition between you because that’s one competition you’ll lose, even if you win.

Dealing With Depression and Holiday Stress

Balancing the demands of shopping, family obligations, and house guests may leave you feeling overwhelmed and stressed. And stress itself can cause feelings of depression.

Try these 19 tips to beat holiday stress.

Suicide On The Rise Among Middle-Aged Americans

ATLANTA (AP) - The suicide rate for middle-aged Americans has climbed to its highest point in at least 25 years, in what's being described as an unrecognized tragedy.

One researcher says the age group is often overlooked. Suicide prevention programs tend to focus on teenagers, and many researchers only study suicide in the elderly.

The numbers in a new government report show suicides rose about 20% between 1999 and 2004 for Americans between 45 and 54. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control says that far outpace the increases for younger adults.

Experts don't know why middle-age suicides are on the rise.

The overall number of suicides is holding steady. Thirty-two thousand Americans take their own lives every year.

[Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.]

Teen Birth Rate Rises

The nation's teen — 15-19 age group — birth rate has risen for the first time in 17 years, according to a new government report. A government statistician Wednesday reported that it had jumped three percent from 2005 to 2006.

Marriage Is Eco-Friendly, Divorce Is Not

WASHINGTON (AP) - Here's a reason to stay married: Divorce can be bad for the environment.

An ecologist at Michigan State University has been studying the affect of divorce on the environment and finds married households are more efficient when it comes to water, energy and land use.

When there's a divorce, one household becomes two and that means a higher drain on resources. In the U.S., for example, splitting households increase utility costs by nearly $7 billion per year.
The researcher says he knows some couples really do need to split up, but says living with other people helps reduce the impact on the environment.

The analysis appears in this week's online edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

[Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.]

It Is OK For Parents To Spank

The American College of Pediatricians carefully reviewed the available research on corporal punishment and concludes, in its position statement on the subject, that disciplinary spanking by parents can be effective when properly used. "It is clear that parents should not solely rely upon disciplinary spanking to accomplish control of their child's behavior. Evidence suggests that it can be a useful and necessary part of a successful disciplinary plan," notes the just-released position statement.

"When a child defies a parent's instruction, spanking is one of a few options parents can consider to correct the misbehavior," says Den Trumbull, MD, FCP, principal author of the statement. "Spanking is most appropriate with children 2 to 6 years old, and when milder types of correction have failed."

The complete policy and position statements with guidelines can be found at www.ACPeds.org.
The American College of Pediatricians is a national medical association of licensed physicians and healthcare professionals who specialize in the care of infants, children, and adolescents. The mission of the College is "to enable all children to reach their optimal, physical and emotional health and well- being." We promote "a society where all children from the moment of their conception are valued unselfishly." The College further notes, "that children are the future of our nation and society."

Making Memories With Your Children

One of the most important things parents can give their children is memories. Memories of unique experiences, special times, or even the little things that are done every day around the house. Children will remember these things as they go on to build their own families later in life. These can be simple things such as taking a child along on an errand and talking to him about things he finds interesting.

The way you celebrate Christmas and special holidays will stay with your children for the rest of their lives. As parents, we tend to forget that this is one of the things that make not only for a great deal of fun but also it provides the cement and foundation that will help children become successful parents later as they grow and marry and have children of their own.

Depression and the Holidays

As you enter the fast-paced portion of the Christmas Season, you will encounter many in the who do not exhibit the holiday spirit. In fact, a lot of them will be depressed or manifest sadness.
For some, that feeling can easily be traced to the loss of a loved one or some memory of past yuletide seasons. For others, their depression will emerge due to finances or broken relationships. There will be those who find the pace of the season so hectic they fail to cope effectively. Many will be overcome with the thought of the relatives they must entertain, or church activities that take their families away. The point is — whatever the reason for radical mood swings or erratic behavior, they must be addressed or the whole meaning of the Christmas Season can be lost. That could even happen to you.

You think I'm kidding? A study by the Mental Health Administration (2004-2006) found that nearly two out of ten of us who serve in the personal care and service profession reported being depressed.

Major depression strikes 17 percent of Americans and government figures show about 30,000 a year commit suicide, according to USAToday.

How do you help the sorrowful or depressed person? For sure, pray for them and help that individual trace back to the cause of his or her situation. If the condition is ongoing or persistent, they will need to get professional assistance. Offer emotional support and, whatever you do, please do not just sweep that person's feelings "under the rug." They most likely are not faking and in time will get better, but you can't just say "snap out of it" — and, like the swipe of a magician's wand, expect everything to be better.

Here is a list of scriptures that might be helpful to you as you guide people back to wholeness:

• "The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Ps. 34:18).
• "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones"(Prov. 17:22).
• "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed: perplexed but not in despair" (2 Cor. 4:8).

One-Third of Adults Feel Extreme Stress

A new survey from the American Psychological Association found that nearly a third of U.S. adults report "extreme stress," reports webmd.com.

The survey found that: 32 percent report extreme stress; nearly one in five (17%) reach their highest stress level 15 or more days per month; and almost half (48%) say their stress level has risen over the last five years.

How to Choose a Therapist

Is life going up in flames? Are you suffering through a nasty divorce, a devastating layoff or even prolonged depression? Life's difficulties are hard to avoid, and we might get stuck in them and not see a way out. That's when getting help from a professional may be imperative.

But how do you go about finding the right help? Wisdom, life experience and empathy are vital in a therapist. After all, he or she will have to teach you the skills you need to manage life. Here are some things to consider when searching for the right match:

Location - Location proximity is actually very important. People make excuses when it comes to therapy: "I can't make my appointment today because it's too far..." Location should not become an obstacle. If there are no therapists in your zip code, try those in a town nearby. The Synergy Counseling Center is located in Fort Payne, the county seat of Dekalb County. Synergy Counseling Center is located on First Street, downtown, across the street from Fort Payne Printing.

Comfort Level - Check out the photo profiles of therapists in your area. Do you think you'll be comfortable discussing the secrets of your life with this person?  At Synergy Counseling Center, we strive for the absolute comfort of all our clients.

The Right Stuff - Find a professional who has treated people with problems similar to those you face. Often a therapist focuses on specific issues such as eating disorders, sexual dysfunction or mood disorders. And, of course, find out what treatment the therapist employs as well as his/her results. Sometimes a therapist works closely with particular populations such as adolescents, gay couples or people of particular religious backgrounds. Be sure to learn your therapist's focus.

Basics - Ph.D., M.D., Psy.D., M.S.W., M.A., M.S., M.Div., D.Min. - don't fuss over credentials and degrees. What you really need is a therapist who will connect with you. All therapists at the Synergy Counseling Center are fully qualified, but work very hard to connect with every client.

The Methods - Therapists have certain methods and orientations. Some use cognitive behavioral therapy, for example. A variety of methods are effective. Synergy Counseling Center offers a variety of therapeutic treatment methods.

Make Contact - Contact two or three therapists. You will most likely get voicemail. Don't hang up; leave your name and number. On your first visit, ask yourself, "Do we click?" Do you feel a connection with your therapist? For you to reveal yourself, you will need to feel safe and at ease.

In The Pocket - When you do settle on a therapist, settle on the fee beforehand. You may also need to inquire about a sliding-scale arrangement - a flexible fee schedule adjusted to your needs or income. The Relationship Clinic fee is $65 per session, normally about one hour. If there is a financial need, a fee reduction can be applied for. Synergy Counseling Center does not accept insurance arrangements. There's a confusing array of insurance arrangements - HMO's, MBHO's, private pay. The Synergy Counseling Center will provide receipts which allow the client to file their own claim. Every carrier is different.

Sharing Values - Equally critical is sharing the same values. One would think that psychotherapy is value-free, but finding a therapist who shares your beliefs is necessary. You are building a relationship, so starting at the core is important. If struggling with a partner in a relationship has brought you to therapy, for example, you certainly want to know how the therapist feels about cohabitation before marriage. The therapists at the Synergy Counseling Center are professional, but Christian oriented.

Are You Listening? - Does your therapist have good listening skills? Don't laugh, but you need to be sure he/she is attentive and hears what you have to say. That's why it's called talk therapy. Is he/she asking the right questions, is he/she asking enough of them?

Too Eager - A therapist shouldn't be too eager to please. Say you suffer from self-esteem problems, it does no good if the therapist does nothing more than flatter you. Instead, choose one who will challenge you. You will want one who is proactive and perhaps gives you assignments. He/she might ask you to read up on your issues or to conduct an experiment. The road to good mental health takes work.

Ask the provider how long therapy should last. - Don't accept a vague answer. If the person is experienced, he or she should have an idea of what you can expect.