Occupations Facing The Most Stress

If you want to find a job that is free of stress, you're out of luck. Only characters in movies and on TV have jobs that don't cause occasional hair-pulling or high blood pressure. These are the same people who have huge apartments overlooking skylines and plenty of time to hang out with friends. Their jobs have unbelievably flexible hours.

In real life, however, every job you take, no matter how big or small, finds you stressed out once in a while. Whether you're dealing with an endless line of customers, a demanding executive or an uncertain economy, anxiety will find you. It's just part of life.

According to the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health, occupational stress originates from a variety of issues, including:
- Long hours with few or no breaks
- Employees unable to participate in the decision-making process.
- Job insecurity and large amounts of impending change
- Physical danger

Some jobs have more stress than others. That's not to say they're bad jobs, they just require people who are strong enough to handle the increased stress that comes their way. Here are eight of them:

1. Retail Salespersons - Why: Jobs in sales require you to convince customers to spend money. Customers don't necessarily want to spend money and even if they do, they have a variety of places to shop. Salespeople have to prove their merchandise is the best option. If that weren't stressful enough, retail compensation is often commission-based, which means your paycheck is tied to how much you sell. What they earn: $24,530.

2. Doctors and nurses - Why: Doctors and nurses deal with life and death on a regular basis, a pressure found in few occupations. They have to handle patients while accessing an encyclopedia of medical knowledge. Doctors and nurses who work in hospitals or clinics that don't keep regular business hours often work on little sleep and are on call even on days off. In recent years doctors have also been forced to deal with an increase in malpractice lawsuits. What they earn: Internal medicine physician: $166,420; Registered nurse: $62,480.

3. Accountants - Why: Crunching numbers requires attention to detail that can make your eyes cross. Not only are you dealing with a client's finances, but you also have to take into account volumes of rules and regulations that change each year. Plus, you're expected to know about minute loopholes and read tiny print that nobody else does. What they earn: $44,632.

4. Teachers - Why: Elementary and high school teachers put up with a lot. Students aren't always easy to control or motivate. Parents who can't understand why their children aren't doing better often place the blame with teachers. And pressure to prepare students for standardized tests mean they can't always stick to the lesson plans they'd prefer to teach. What they earn: Elementary teacher: $43,421; High school teacher: $46,531.

5. Firefighters - Why: When firefighters are on call, they've got to be ready to respond to emergencies that range from minor car accidents to huge explosions. They might go an entire shift with no emergency or they might get a call that keeps them out for hours. Perhaps most importantly, they're playing with fire literally. That's stressful enough. What they earn: $44,130.

6. Farmers - Why: Agriculture requires constant attention, from waking up early to strenuous physical activity. That alone isn't stressful, but having no control over nature is. Droughts, floods, fires or other natural disasters can ruin months of hard work, and you can't do much about it. What they earn: $23,508.

7. Automotive assembly workers - Why: The automotive industry has always been volatile as manufacturers respond to the whims of consumers who want coupes one moment and SUVs the next. Add the pressure of assembling vehicles so that people who spend thousands of dollars can travel safely, and you've got a stressful job.What they earn: $42,480.

8. Stock brokers Why: You can feel a bit helpless working at a job that's at the mercy of the stock market and economy. When things are going great, you reap the rewards, but when the financial climate isn't so great or the future is uncertain, you have no choice but to ride it out. Plus, competition is high for these jobs. What they earn: $61,151.

[Salary data based on CBSalary.com's average annual salary and the Bureau of Labor Statistics's mean annual salary. Anthony Balderrama is a writer and blogger for CareerBuilder.com. He researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues. Copyright 2008 CareerBuilder.com]

How To be An Encouraging Parent

Do you know how to be a positive parent?

Have you ever taken a class to learn how to encourage your child?

It is doubly important that you learn encouragement techniques for yourself and your child; then you will be able to share and live them everyday. Competition for positive input into your child’s mind is at an all-time high but the sensitive parent will work intentionally to combat this battle day by day, sometimes hour by hour.

Many children go to bed hungry for food in the world, but perhaps many more are hungry for encouraging affirming words. By practicing some of these phrases, you can make a positive difference in any child’s life now and in his future.

Here are some great examples:

- "I’m proud of you."
- "You are on your way."
- "Good for you."
- "Look at you go."
- "That’s the best ever."
- "You’re really working hard today."
- "You’re getting better every day"

If you can practice these words, include them when you are talking to your child, you will begin to see remarkable differences in your relationship with your children.

[from Howtoencourage by Kay the Encourager]

Having Panic Attacks?

Anxiety is part of the package of life. It's a natural byproduct of having a brain that is capable of such high-wire acts as considering the future. A little anxiety is good, even necessary, and a great motivator to get us to plan well and to perform ably.

Yet too much anxiety can be disabling. For millions of people, worry disrupts everyday life, restricting it to some degree or even overshadowing it entirely. An estimated 15 percent of Americans suffer from one or another of the anxiety disorders. These include generalized anxiety, specific phobias, obsessive-compulsive disorder and flat-out panic attacks. As a group, anxiety disorders constitute the most common disorder in the country.

How do you know whether you are worrying too much? When anxiety moves beyond an occasional wave of apprehension to become a constant and dominating force in your life, you need to take steps to curb anxiety.

Sometimes anxiety explodes in a panic attack, marked by a general feeling of terror. A person engulfed in a panic attack usually experiences a racing or pounding heart, sometimes even pain or heaviness in the chest. Breathing becomes difficult. The body trembles and hands turn clammy. The person may notice tingling in their hands and feet, sometimes in their arms and legs. They may start to feel light-headed.

Victims feel out of control of their body. Many feel like they are going crazy. Panic attacks are so frightening that sufferers wonder whether they will survive the episode.

At least 5 percent of American adults experience panic attacks. Often, the attacks come out of the blue, for no apparent reason. Or they can come on when a person is coping with extreme stress. Either way panic attacks can last for several minutes.

Other forms of anxiety are less dramatic but more widespread.

For some, other people are the cause of anxiety. Social anxiety creates in its sufferers the feeling that they are being watched and judged by others, even if rationally they know that this is not the case. In its milder forms, social anxiety can create extreme self-consciousness in the presence of others; but in its severe forms it can be debilitating, leading sufferers to avoid social situations altogether.

Another common form of worry is generalized anxiety disorder. Sufferers are filled with questions -- negative ones -- and dwell on endless "what if's" of a situation. They feel trapped in cycles of anxiety and worry.

General anxiety doesn't typically lead to panic attacks, but it can still be incapacitating. The endless worry saps energy, destroys interest in life and prompts frequent mood swings. It's possible that some people are born with a temperament that inclines them to anxiety. Regardless of how anxiety develops, it's possible to control it.

"If anxiety is interfering with your work or personal life even though you tried to relax or do some stress management, at that point you should at least get a consultation by a health professional/counselor to see if there is an anxiety disorder," says Jerilyn Ross, M.A., director for the Ross Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders in Washington, D.C.

Treatment is tailored to the specific concerns that preoccupy each person. Nevertheless, there are some treatment techniques that are widely applied. Counselors treat anxiety with a combination of approaches:

- Cognitive Therapy Focuses on creating an understanding of the thought patterns that bring on worry. It helps anxiety suffers separate unrealistic from realistic thoughts.
- Behavior Therapy Focuses on taming anxiety through control of specific ways the body overreacts to worry. One common approach is to teach controlled breathing and the relaxing of muscles that constrict with worry. Both techniques lower heart rate and blood pressure.
- Relaxation Training Through a mixture of cognitive and behavior techniques, helps avert high anxiety. One approach is to think of a relaxing scene when anxiety levels start to rise.
- Desensitization Those who suffer phobias and obsessive-compulsive disorder are gradually and safely exposed to whatever is the source of their anxiety, until, over time, tolerance is built.
- Medication . Antidepressant and antianxiety medications are most effective in combination with psychotherapy.

[WebMD]

What We Prescribe For Stress

• Get plenty of exercise whenever you can. The optimum is to get at least 30 minutes of exercise in everyday. For some in stressful jobs that's not an option for now. However, you can perform some simple exercises at work that will get your circulation going. Take a walk around the block on your ten minute break. While on the phone, try standing up and moving while speaking.
• Avoid foods that are going to add to your stress. Anything that contains blood-sugar enhancing refined carbohydrates such as doughnuts, muffins and bread. Stay away from junk food like candy bars and sodas loaded with sugar. When you're at work try to go for the food or drinks that will boost your energy - blueberries, green tea, milk, soy products and whole grain breads. Try taking down your coffee drinking a few notches as well.
• Plan your day out. Start your day with a plan and do not allow the day to plan for you. The president of Executive Health & Wealth Institute suggests dividing your tasks into "must do," "may do" and "want to do." You want to feel a sense of control over your day and not always feel you're overloaded and can't get out from beneath the pile of tasks you're facing at work.
• Finish your tasks one at a time. Give yourself a sense of accomplishment by doing tasks that might be easy, but you know you can get done. Then move on to your next task. Once you finish one task, you are motivated to start another and experience a greater sense of accomplishment instead of having a desk filled with unfinished business.
• Keep things in their proper place. If you are always feeling frazzled, then you need to slow down and check your stress level on a scale from one to ten. This allows you to put your stress level in perspective and helps you from over-reacting. Take a break once in awhile where you can sense gratitude for your job, the friendships you acquired at work and your health. Start looking at what's right about your job and workplace instead of keeping the focus on what's wrong.
• Do a good deed. A great way to reduce stress is to do something unexpected for someone else. Offer your help whenever you see a co-worker who seems to be stressing out. When you're giving to other people, your life is filled with greater confidence and enthusiasm.
• See a counselor weekly. Nothing takes the place of a safe place to vent.

What To Do About Worry

Two men were climbing a steep hill on a bicycle built for two. When they finally made it to the top, the first man said, "Whew! That was a stiff climb. I think it was the hardest hill I've ever been on.""It certainly was," his companion replied, "and if I hadn't kept the brake on, we would have slid down backwards!"

When we worry, it's like pedaling uphill with the brakes on. Anxious thoughts make life ten times harder. Unfortunately, our natural human tendency is to worry about our situations. Is there anybody on this earth who is not familiar with the uncomfortable gnawing of worry in the belly? I seriously doubt it.

Yet, although worry is familiar to us all, we don't have to treat it like a welcomed guest. In fact, we have every right in the world to kick it out! No Vacancy! "There's no place for you, bub! Get out!"

How can we evict worry from our lives? Let me offer a few suggestions:

1. Talk to yourself!

A great way to abolish worry is to ask yourself the right questions such as,
* Why am I feeling tense right now?
* Will the world end if what I'm worrying about comes true?
* Is stewing over this making it any better?
* Who else is worked up over this issue? Why or why not?
* Is this worth losing sleep?
* What is the bottom line fear in this situation?
* So what?

2. Sell yourself some hope.

You've already been selling yourself on fear,tension, and all the "What ifs". Why not switch gears and start looking for what's going right?

Elmer Wheeler, in The Wealth Within You, said, "Men become courageous by the same process that they become fearful; successful and confident by the same process that they become failures. Both are ideas that we sell ourselves. If you are timid and fearful or feel inferior, you do not need to learn the technique of selling ideas to yourself. You are already a past master at the art. All you need to do is change the ideas you sell. Suggest confidence to yourself in exactly the same way you have been suggesting failure."

3. Seek counseling.

It really helps to talk the issue through with someone who has a level head and the wisdom of experience and training. Good counseling is worth more than gold.

4. Pray about it.

A burden is really a call to prayer. If it's big enough to fret about, it's big enough to pray about. The Bible tells us to cast our cares upon the Lord because He cares for us! Prayer increases faith, which puts the kibosh on worry.

5. Take a dose of reality.

Worry casts long shadows on little things. It exaggerates the problem, and turns mice into monsters. If you think your situation is really bad, why not look around? You will find lots of people who have it worse. Chances are, your problems are not nearly as terrible as they seem.

6. Think "through" not "to".

Often, people think "to" a difficulty and then panic. When we come up against a big problem and then camp out, it only leads to frustration and worry. The much better path is to keep exploring solutions. Refuse to let the issue get the best of you. Working at absolution drains the worry away.

7. Keep moving forward.

Worry and positive action don't usually go together -- You're either invested in on or the other. If you're spinning the worry wheels -- it's better to get onto another track of thinking.

[By Mark O. Wilson]

Why So Much Stress?

Why do I feel the need to carry so much stress? What am I hiding from or covering up? What hole in my life am I trying to fill with stress?

Those are tough questions. But if you don’t deal with them, none of my stress-busting tips are going to do you any good—not for long, anyway. If you want to be free from stress, you have to learn to say no.

You have to pick the events and "yeses" that will yield the greatest reward in your life. Here’s an idea: next time you know your response should be no, don’t leave room for compromise.

When your stressed-out friend asks you to co-chair the graduation committee, don’t just say, “Let me think about it.” Instead say, “Right now, that’s impossible.” And shake your head from side to side as you say it.

Studies show that when you do that, the person you addressed is much more likely to hear no.

Even Jesus had to say no to those around him when it was time to be still and listen for the voice of God. Remember what happened after Jesus fed the five thousand? The people were so impressed that they were ready to make him their earthly king—by force if necessary. No doubt it was flattering to be asked. I know I would be very tempted to give in if somebody wanted to make me their king! But that wasn’t what Jesus was there to do. So instead of going along, saying yes, taking on one more thing, he “withdrew again to a mountain by himself” (John 6:15 NIV).

When the high-pitched whine of our earthly stress jams every signal around us, we not only lose perspective, we lose an opportunity to hear from our heart, from our loved ones and from God himself. Before you say your next “Yes!”, ask yourself if you are prepared to add the accompanying stress to your life.

I look at it this way: If the vessel is already full, where are you going to put that golden opportunity for success or for ministry when it finally arrives? You hear it every morning at the coffee shop: “Would you like room for cream?” Yeah, this time I would. Thanks.

[John Tesh]

Divorce Happens

Yes, divorce DOES happen, over and over again, and sometimes to the same individuals. But that doesn't have to be you!

No matter if this is your first marriage or third, no matter what your marriage's condition, no matter how impossible it seems . . . your marriage can saved, redeemed and transformed! Don't doubt.

ACT! See http://www.marriagerestored.com/ today.

Christian Counseling

As a general rule, both Christian counseling and secular counseling share the same desire to help people overcome their problems, find meaning and joy in life, and become healthy and well-adjusted individuals, both mentally and emotionally. Most counselors have graduate degrees and have spent years learning their craft.

The word "counseling" can have multiple meanings, including offering advice and encouragement, sharing wisdom and skills, setting goals, resolving conflict, etc. Counselors usually probe the past (whether the problem happened a week ago or during childhood) in an attempt to repair the present. Sometimes they explore possible affects of physical and chemical imbalances that can cause physiological problems. A major part of counseling is resolving and restoring conflicts between people.

Christian counseling is distinct from secular counseling. Christian counseling rises to another dimension. "In contrast to psychologically-integrated systems, Biblical counseling seeks to carefully discover those areas in which a Christian may be disobedient to the principles and commands of Scripture and to help him learn how to lovingly submit to God's will," reports the International Association of Biblical Counselors.

Christian counselors are able to do that because they have an absolute standard by which to measure their objectives and evaluate their counselee's lifestyle. They see the Bible as the source of all truth. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 says, "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." The secular counselor uses a different standard. They use the latest psychological findings or societal norm. Christian counselors understand that the Bible has a lot of practical wisdom about human nature, marriage and family, human suffering, and so much more. By using biblical concepts in counseling, they can instruct people in the way they should go and also hold them accountable. Psalm 119:24 says, "Your statutes are my delight; they are my counselors."

Although Christian counselors often use skills from the field of secular psychology and counseling, they recognize that the Bible is the final authority. "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness" (2 Peter 1:3). A Christian counselor's major strategy is to help their clients substitute biblical truth for error as they go about their day-to-day lives. They know that the truth, when known, believed, and obeyed, sets people free. When people are set free, they are fulfilling their true calling. "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:32).

Pastoral Counseling

Pastoral counseling is a branch of counseling in which ordained ministers, rabbis, priests and others provide therapy services.

Only 6 states license the title "Pastoral Counselor": Arkansas, Kentucky, Maine, New Hampshire, North Carolina, and Tennessee. In many other states Pastoral Counselors may qualify for licensure as Marriage and Family Therapists or as Professional Counselors.

It is often synonymous with pastoral care.

How To Prevent Burnout

According to a London Daily Mail poll, more than half of those reading this right now are completely burned out on the job. How can you tell if you're burned out?

If you have lost that satisfied feeling at work and don't even revel in your own job accomplishments, there might be a problem. Are your coworkers asking if everything is okay with you? Have they noticed you acting depressed or even moody on the job? Have you been snapping at everyone?

Here's a telltale sign of work burnout: the minute you return from a vacation, the joy, happiness, and relaxation you felt are instantly gone, and you can't even manage to come back from lunch on time.

Another sign: procrastination is your new middle name.Dr. Alan Shelton, author of Transforming Burnout, studies worker burnout. He notes that you shouldn't feel alone if you're feeling this particular burn. Some three-quarters of all workers are hit with this feeling from time to time.

According to Dr. Shelton, vacations, days off, new hours and outside interests don't always help.

Professional counselors can help, especially if you're a workaholic who is stressed out by a desire for everything to be perfect all of the time.

The important thing is to find balance between work and other pursuits. Then work isn't the only focus. Dr. Shelton also suggests the following:

• Get a physical to rule out more serious health problems.
• Take care of the spiritual side of life. It will give you focus. Meditation and prayer can help with burnout because they take the focus off work. Make relaxation a priority in your life.
• Remind yourself that each morning is a new day to be appreciated. On the way to work find two or three things that make you happy, even if it's just a beautiful forest preserve on the side of the road or watching your kids.
• Exercise helps beat job burnout.
• Sleep helps beat job burnout.

[Research by John Tesh]

Sleep Better

Besides prescription and over-the-counter sleep aids, try these easy solutions for a good night's sleep:

Start by exercising more. Experts tell us if you want to get a good night's sleep, you need to have a good day's workout. Why would exercise help you sleep better? Exercise places physical stress on the body, and the brain responds by increasing the amount of time we spend in deep sleep.

Avoid eating one to two hours before crawling into bed. It is difficult to stay asleep if you your body is trying to digest the food you ate for your late night snack.

Avoid napping during the day. This can make it more difficult for you to fall asleep at night. You may be creating a vicious cycle, as a lack of nighttime sleep leads to the need for daytime naps.

Reduce your levels of stress. Be sure to have an active social life, interesting hobbies and anything else you can do to give yourself a sense of well-being. You want to go to sleep at night without having excessive worries and depression. Counseling can help.

Husband Appreciation Day

You've heard of Mother's Day, Father's Day, and even Grandparents' Day. But did you know there's a Husband Appreciation Day?

The third Saturday of April (this year, April 19) has been designated a day for wives to reflect on the various ways their spouse enriches their lives.Some ways to show your appreciation:

• Bring him his favorite breakfast in bed
• Treat him to a day of fun (movies, mini-golf, hiking)
• Take over some items from his "to-do" list
• Dine at his favorite restaurant

Still stumped? Ask him, "If you were crowned king for a day, what would your perfect day look like?" (Warning: Be prepared to make it happen!)

How healthy is your family?

How is your family doing relationally? Ask yourself these questions:

1. Am I closer to my spouse today than I was a year ago?
2. Have I read God’s word with my family this week?
3. Have I prayed with each member of my family this week?
4. Do my children know they come before the people in the church?
5. Are my children joyfully experiencing Christ at church or do they resent the church?
6. Does my spouse feel close to me spiritually?
7. If my spouse could have me change one thing about me, what would it be? (Why haven’t I changed in this way? What am I going to do about it?)
8. Are we honoring the Sabbath as a family?
9. Do my wife and kids enjoy being around me?
10. Can my family clearly articulate our family values and vision?

If you need help, contact the Relationship Clinic at 256-418-0620.

Why is my marriage in trouble?

In my experience, it has to do with one or more of the following issues:

1. Unrealistic Expectations - When a person goes into a marriage thinking the following… there is trouble on the way… “I know he/she isn’t exactly what I want right now – but marriage will change them.” (Hint – if you aren’t ready to commit to them as they are – DON’T COMMIT!) “This person will make me happy.” “I know he/she cheats on me now, but when we get married they will stop.” “I know he/she talks to me like I am garbage right now, but when we get married they will see the value in me.” “We’re going to have sex ALL OF THE TIME!” (Singles – marriage is about A LOT more than just sex!)
2. Ignoring The “Gut Check” Before The Marriage - I have counselled with lots of people who have unfortunately experienced divorce – and nearly every single one of them, when I pressed down on the issue, has said that they knew before they got married that they should not have – but wanted to go ahead and go through with it to save themselves from the embarrassment. If you KNOW it’s wrong – better a little embarrassment now than a lot of pain later.
3. Unwillingness To Work Through Issues - Married couples have their issues – that is just the way it is; however, the people you know that have strong marriages work through their issues. They talk honestly and openly with one another–they hold true to Ephesians 4:26-29. Once again – they talk TO ONE ANOTHER, not ABOUT ONE ANOTHER. They don’t go to their Bible study, accountability partner to bash their spouse … they sit down like a real man and woman and work it out!
4. The Other Person Becomes Unimportant - When work, hobbies or the kids replace the importance of the spouse then bad times are sure to follow. It’s work … but the marriage MUST remain the most important relationship on the planet.
5. The Greener Grass Syndrome - When a man/woman begins looking at “other options” and fantasizing about them – THAT is always trouble. The line between fantasy and reality become blurred … and often lines are crossed because a person will think, “I’ve done it wrong in this marriage … but he/she is my chance to start over and it will be wonderful.”
   Hey, guess what – the grass IS greener on the other side – but ONLY because it happens to be over the septic tank!
6. Money - I have seen more couples have the dumbest arguments over money. A couple will “fall in love” with each other and then “fall in love” with stuff, thus going out and accumulating debt in massive amounts so that they can have in three years what it took their parents 30 years to accumulate! If a couple isn’t doing the budget thing and having honest discussions about financial priorities – it WILL wreak havoc on the marriage.
7. Church/Godly Influences Are Pushed Out Of Their Lives - I’ve seen it so many times … a couple will be doing wonderful … involved in church, establishing solid friendships – until, one of them (usually the man) gets “busy” with work … the lady tries to hang in there without him for a while – but eventually become discouraged and gives up. Next thing you know they have absolutely NOTHING in common and wind up being strangers sleeping in the same bed. There is something absolutely amazing about connecting on a spiritual level – going to church and praying together, having godly friends that will encourage and support you. I just don’t think we were called to do life alone. (Hebrews 10:24-25.)

What Every Marriage Needs

Here are some of my relationship favorites - a few small things that every marriage needs:

• A photograph of the two of you. Not a family photo . . . no in-laws. Just the two of you. Experts recommend using a picture that is less than five years old. No kids. No wedding photos. Ideally it’s a photo of the two of you doing something goofy. Yvonne knows I love having photos of the two of us all over the house. I especially love the one from last summer that shows us wiping out in the waves together at the beach. I even have that one on my computer screensaver. Every time you see your special photograph you will be reminded of your commitment to remaining a couple.
• An inside joke. Without a sense of humor, your relationship will never survive. Your inside joke needs to be something very personal. Perhaps it’s a secret word for something, or a weird nickname. And this is important: it should make no sense to anyone but the two of you. Marriage counselors will tell you that when you share something that’s just between the two of you, it connects you.
• A fair fight. Healthy disagreements should actually be a staple of your relationship. I know it sounds strange, but most experts I have interviewed agree that “no fighting” usually means that there are unresolved issues that will eventually explode. The key to a truly successful fight is to avoid sentences that begin with the word “you” — and never to sling insults. I’ve caught myself many times breaking the you rule, as in “you always” . . . or “you never . . . " That’s never productive. It’s always harmful. If your goal is to solve a relationship disagreement try using we instead of you. For example,resist the temptation to say “You never help around the house," say instead, “I think we have a problem with getting all the chores done. Can you help me come up with a plan that we can use?"

Controling Your Anger

The first step is to recognize that your anger is a problem. There are healthy reactions to frustrating situations and there are unhealthy reactions. Throwing things, hitting walls and hurting yourself are examples of unhealthy or inappropriate reactions. These are inappropriate reactions for many reasons but mainly because none of these will help you solve your problem and only serve to make the situation worse.

It is important to ask yourself what good comes out of acting the way you did. Did it solve anything? Did it change the fact that your brother destroyed your room? Did your mother give back your cell phone? Or, did your behavior make the situation worse in that you helped to further destroy your room with your damage to the walls?

A better way to deal with anger is to try to remain calm and even-tempered in every situation. Ideally, one should strive to be emotionally neutral in most situations. This is easier said that done but with practice you can learn to not overreact. If it is not possible to talk calmly with family members about your issues, seek professional counseling. You can learn strategies for dealing with difficult or frustrating situations so that you do not resort to hitting walls or hurting yourself.

It is possible that no one has taught you or modeled for you how to deal with anger and this in turn makes it difficult for you to know how to act. You can learn to change and react more appropriately but you might need someone to teach you. Try asking your parents (when you are feeling calm and rational) to help you learn how not to overreact and if you cannot talk to them, ask the school counselor.

What To Tell Kids About Divorce

Divorce is extremely rough on adults. Can you imagine its impact on kids? In fact, there’s an estimated 1,075,000 children involved in divorced families. So what do you say and not say to kids when parents dissolve their marriage? Here’s some practical help.

• Define divorce for your kids. You can help your child by telling them the truth about your divorce instead of hiding it.
• Explain that divorce takes place after a husband and wife decide they can no longer live together and no longer want to be married.
• Make sure your kids don’t think you’re divorcing them. From A Kid’s Guide to Divorce we learn children need to know that because their father is divorcing their mother, it does not mean he’s divorcing them as well. Even if the child lives with one parent, the parent who lives somewhere else is still that kid’s mom or dad only.
• Tell your kids they cannot cause a divorce. Too many kids think they’re the cause of the divorce: if only they had better grades, had behaved better or helped more around the house, they could have kept their parents together. Make this perfectly clear to the kids: divorce is between moms and dads only.
• Remind your kids they cannot fix a divorce. Your children may wish for you and your spouse to get back together or try some things to make it work, like acting like an angel at home to make mom and dad happy. That does not mean they will get back together.
• Consult the various divorce sites concerning kids. Kids in the Middle is a non-profit organization that provides counseling, education and support for kids and families whose parents divorced. Bonus Families is a site offering kids and their families a place to go to share divorce experiences. Kids’ Divorce Help Page is one child’s view on how he made it through his parent’s divorce.Help your child through your divorce. For peace of mind pay attention to these tips on how you can help your kids through the divorce process.
• Listen quietly. Children have questions and feelings about their parent’s divorce. Many parents have a hard time listening to their children talk without wanting to interrupt. Children need to be heard.
• Reassure your children of personal safety. Kids are concerned once their parents divorce there will not be a place for them to live or enough food or clothing.
• Don’t put your child in the middle . It is wise not to say anything negative about your ex within ear-shot of your child. Children must be able to love both parents. If there is information you feel you must know, go to your spouse and ask them directly and not through your child.
• Make sure the kids know both parents love them. Just because dad and mom don’t have the same feelings of love for each other, that does not mean the kids are not loved.
• Let them know who they will be living with. Keep the kids informed on any details that include them. Of course, how detailed you are about what is taking place depends on their age.
• No blame should be assigned to either parent for the separation. It isn’t healthy for a child to think there is a good parent and a bad a parent.

Addicted to Stress?

At a time in my life when I could barely stay on top of my hectic schedule, I realized how addicted to stress I was. I also learned what I could do to make necessary changes to my lifestyle.

A friend of mine once said, “It’s much easier to stay out of temptation than it is to get out.” It’s the same with stress. Stay away. Think—really think—to yourself, "Is this stress really worth it?" Some stress is necessary and good, of course.

Any way you cut it, there is stress involved in being a parent. The rewards of raising healthy, happy kids are well worth a little stress; that’s a trade-off we’re willing to make. But not everything that stresses you out is worth the cost. And some good and worthwhile things — even parenting — cause more stress than they have to ... Click to read more.

Winter Time Blues

For years now, I have watched people suffer from what I term the winter time blues. Instead of making life more relaxing and less stressful, they just add more stress.

One client recently told me, "Last year I started a new job the day before Thanksgiving. The whole rest of November and December were terrible. Partly because of the circumstances of the job itself and partly because it was that time of the year. I made it through and still have the same job, now love it and am doing great. This year I adopted a Lab pup from my daughter who bought it for my grandson and they then decided it was too much trouble. It is a sweetheart, but of course trying to train it is a challenge. I think it too, like the job, will be fine by the time my winter funk runs its course, so I'm not going to give up on it. However, next year I will be keeping my life as stress free as possible from November to February, if at all possible. I hate this feeling of fatigue and nervous stomach all the time and the blah feeling. I am just looking for some advice, support, and encouragement."

If you are experiencing the winter time blues, make an appointment at the Relationship Clinic for therapy.

How Can I Stop Cutting?

Cutting is dangerous and at the very least, unhealthy. Despite this, in the absence of actual coping skills, many people cut themselves, young people especially. Many people cut for the same reasons, they hurt, they feel numb and there is little or no help available. People say that cutting helps release their emotional pain. It lets them know that they are … "still alive” … and can feel something.

Cutting is a sign that someone needs help. If the immediate family is unable to help sufficiently, professional treatment can help. Talk to either your school counselor or a trusted adult family friend. Tell them how much you are suffering and that sometimes you cut yourself to feel better.

There are better and more appropriate ways to deal with your emotional pain and hopefully, when you inform the school counselor or a family friend, they can steer into the appropriate treatment. Inform someone of your cutting immediately.

Professional help is available.