Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Why is my marriage in trouble?

In my experience, it has to do with one or more of the following issues:
  1. Unrealistic Expectations - When a person goes into a marriage thinking the following… there is trouble on the way… “I know he/she isn’t exactly what I want right now – but marriage will change them.” (Hint – if you aren’t ready to commit to them as they are – DON’T COMMIT!) “This person will make me happy.” “I know he/she cheats on me now, but when we get married they will stop.” “I know he/she talks to me like I am garbage right now, but when we get married they will see the value in me.” “We’re going to have sex ALL OF THE TIME!” (Singles – marriage is about A LOT more than just sex!)
  2. Ignoring The “Gut Check” Before The Marriage - I have counselled with lots of people who have unfortunately experienced divorce – and nearly every single one of them, when I pressed down on the issue, has said that they knew before they got married that they should not have – but wanted to go ahead and go through with it to save themselves from the embarrassment. If you KNOW it’s wrong – better a little embarrassment now than a lot of pain later.
  3. Unwillingness To Work Through Issues - Married couples have their issues – that is just the way it is; however, the people you know that have strong marriages work through their issues. They talk honestly and openly with one another–they hold true to Ephesians 4:26-29. Once again – they talk TO ONE ANOTHER, not ABOUT ONE ANOTHER. They don’t go to their Bible study, accountability partner to bash their spouse … they sit down like a real man and woman and work it out!
  4. The Other Person Becomes Unimportant - When work, hobbies or the kids replace the importance of the spouse then bad times are sure to follow. It’s work … but the marriage MUST remain the most important relationship on the planet.
  5. The Greener Grass Syndrome - When a man/woman begins looking at “other options” and fantasizing about them – THAT is always trouble. The line between fantasy and reality become blurred … and often lines are crossed because a person will think, “I’ve done it wrong in this marriage … but he/she is my chance to start over and it will be wonderful.”
    Hey, guess what – the grass IS greener on the other side – but ONLY because it happens to be over the septic tank!
  6. Money - I have seen more couples have the dumbest arguments over money. A couple will “fall in love” with each other and then “fall in love” with stuff, thus going out and accumulating debt in massive amounts so that they can have in three years what it took their parents 30 years to accumulate! If a couple isn’t doing the budget thing and having honest discussions about financial priorities – it WILL wreak havoc on the marriage.
  7. Church/Godly Influences Are Pushed Out Of Their Lives - I’ve seen it so many times … a couple will be doing wonderful … involved in church, establishing solid friendships – until, one of them (usually the man) gets “busy” with work … the lady tries to hang in there without him for a while – but eventually become discouraged and gives up. Next thing you know they have absolutely NOTHING in common and wind up being strangers sleeping in the same bed. There is something absolutely amazing about connecting on a spiritual level – going to church and praying together, having godly friends that will encourage and support you. I just don’t think we were called to do life alone. (Hebrews 10:24-25.)

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