What To Tell Kids About Divorce

Divorce is extremely rough on adults. Can you imagine its impact on kids? In fact, there’s an estimated 1,075,000 children involved in divorced families. So what do you say and not say to kids when parents dissolve their marriage? Here’s some practical help.

• Define divorce for your kids. You can help your child by telling them the truth about your divorce instead of hiding it.
• Explain that divorce takes place after a husband and wife decide they can no longer live together and no longer want to be married.
• Make sure your kids don’t think you’re divorcing them. From A Kid’s Guide to Divorce we learn children need to know that because their father is divorcing their mother, it does not mean he’s divorcing them as well. Even if the child lives with one parent, the parent who lives somewhere else is still that kid’s mom or dad only.
• Tell your kids they cannot cause a divorce. Too many kids think they’re the cause of the divorce: if only they had better grades, had behaved better or helped more around the house, they could have kept their parents together. Make this perfectly clear to the kids: divorce is between moms and dads only.
• Remind your kids they cannot fix a divorce. Your children may wish for you and your spouse to get back together or try some things to make it work, like acting like an angel at home to make mom and dad happy. That does not mean they will get back together.
• Consult the various divorce sites concerning kids. Kids in the Middle is a non-profit organization that provides counseling, education and support for kids and families whose parents divorced. Bonus Families is a site offering kids and their families a place to go to share divorce experiences. Kids’ Divorce Help Page is one child’s view on how he made it through his parent’s divorce.Help your child through your divorce. For peace of mind pay attention to these tips on how you can help your kids through the divorce process.
• Listen quietly. Children have questions and feelings about their parent’s divorce. Many parents have a hard time listening to their children talk without wanting to interrupt. Children need to be heard.
• Reassure your children of personal safety. Kids are concerned once their parents divorce there will not be a place for them to live or enough food or clothing.
• Don’t put your child in the middle . It is wise not to say anything negative about your ex within ear-shot of your child. Children must be able to love both parents. If there is information you feel you must know, go to your spouse and ask them directly and not through your child.
• Make sure the kids know both parents love them. Just because dad and mom don’t have the same feelings of love for each other, that does not mean the kids are not loved.
• Let them know who they will be living with. Keep the kids informed on any details that include them. Of course, how detailed you are about what is taking place depends on their age.
• No blame should be assigned to either parent for the separation. It isn’t healthy for a child to think there is a good parent and a bad a parent.