How To Keep Your Family Together

It's never too late to take the right steps to keep your family together when they're being pulled in so many directions at once.

Family Rituals

Family rituals give the family something to count on. This further contributes to a happy, solid home life. Family rituals are also a way not to lose each other in the hustle and bustle of modern life.

Set aside certain times during the week or weekend when your family will definitely come together as a family — no excuses. It could be having pizza Friday night followed by a big game night. Kids might gripe now and then when the family ritual interferes with going to the mall with a friend, but deep down they love the family together times.

Play Time (together!)

Parents who play with and joke with their children while sharing their thoughts and feelings end up having children who are more friendly, generous, and loving. Remember to promote loving feelings in your children — not just through words, but through your actions and through your willingness to enjoy your children.

A Closed Door

When it’s time to be together, leave the outside world outside your home. This is a tough exercise in this stressful world, but it’s important not to always be multitasking as a parent.

Put down your cell phone and don’t check e-mails while you’re supposedly spending quality time with the kids.

You can even take this one step further. Try to take a certain amount of time each day and just focus on being a parent. Shut the rest of it out. Don’t think about homeowner’s taxes, the fact that the new water heater is on the fritz, or that your contractor is still camped out in the kitchen.

During your alone time with your children try to shut out everything, but them. The rest will be waiting for you so why dilute the time you have as a parent? The kids always know when your focus is really elsewhere. Don’t be there without really being present.When it comes to relationships, you have to be intentional. You have to be proactive. Your family is being pulled in a thousand directions at once; it’s up to you to make sure things stay together.

The good news is that your kids will respond to your efforts to make a great family — even if they don’t know how to react at first. Stick with it. You have what it takes to be a great family.

[Research by John Tesh]

How healthy is your family?

How is your family doing relationally? Ask yourself these questions:

1. Am I closer to my spouse today than I was a year ago?
2. Have I read God’s word with my family this week?
3. Have I prayed with each member of my family this week?
4. Do my children know they come before the people in the church?
5. Are my children joyfully experiencing Christ at church or do they resent the church?
6. Does my spouse feel close to me spiritually?
7. If my spouse could have me change one thing about me, what would it be? (Why haven’t I changed in this way? What am I going to do about it?)
8. Are we honoring the Sabbath as a family?
9. Do my wife and kids enjoy being around me?
10. Can my family clearly articulate our family values and vision?

If you need help, contact the Relationship Clinic at 256-418-0620.

What To Tell Kids About Divorce

Divorce is extremely rough on adults. Can you imagine its impact on kids? In fact, there’s an estimated 1,075,000 children involved in divorced families. So what do you say and not say to kids when parents dissolve their marriage? Here’s some practical help.

• Define divorce for your kids. You can help your child by telling them the truth about your divorce instead of hiding it.
• Explain that divorce takes place after a husband and wife decide they can no longer live together and no longer want to be married.
• Make sure your kids don’t think you’re divorcing them. From A Kid’s Guide to Divorce we learn children need to know that because their father is divorcing their mother, it does not mean he’s divorcing them as well. Even if the child lives with one parent, the parent who lives somewhere else is still that kid’s mom or dad only.
• Tell your kids they cannot cause a divorce. Too many kids think they’re the cause of the divorce: if only they had better grades, had behaved better or helped more around the house, they could have kept their parents together. Make this perfectly clear to the kids: divorce is between moms and dads only.
• Remind your kids they cannot fix a divorce. Your children may wish for you and your spouse to get back together or try some things to make it work, like acting like an angel at home to make mom and dad happy. That does not mean they will get back together.
• Consult the various divorce sites concerning kids. Kids in the Middle is a non-profit organization that provides counseling, education and support for kids and families whose parents divorced. Bonus Families is a site offering kids and their families a place to go to share divorce experiences. Kids’ Divorce Help Page is one child’s view on how he made it through his parent’s divorce.Help your child through your divorce. For peace of mind pay attention to these tips on how you can help your kids through the divorce process.
• Listen quietly. Children have questions and feelings about their parent’s divorce. Many parents have a hard time listening to their children talk without wanting to interrupt. Children need to be heard.
• Reassure your children of personal safety. Kids are concerned once their parents divorce there will not be a place for them to live or enough food or clothing.
• Don’t put your child in the middle . It is wise not to say anything negative about your ex within ear-shot of your child. Children must be able to love both parents. If there is information you feel you must know, go to your spouse and ask them directly and not through your child.
• Make sure the kids know both parents love them. Just because dad and mom don’t have the same feelings of love for each other, that does not mean the kids are not loved.
• Let them know who they will be living with. Keep the kids informed on any details that include them. Of course, how detailed you are about what is taking place depends on their age.
• No blame should be assigned to either parent for the separation. It isn’t healthy for a child to think there is a good parent and a bad a parent.