Older Brain Really May be a Wiser Brain

[by Sara Reistad-Long NYTimes.com]

When older people can no longer remember names, they tend to think that their brainpower is declining. But new research finds that aging adults' brains retain more data, making them better problem solvers...

[click to continue]

Stress is God's Alarm System for Off-Track Life Says Author

[By Jennifer Riley, Christian Post Reporter]

Stress is a sign that a Christian is living a different purpose than God intended, an author says in his new book.

“God uses stress as life’s great alarm system to alert us that we are living outside of our God-given purpose, which is to develop loving relationships,” said Michael Trillo, author of What Does God Really Want: How to Overcome Stress and Live the Promised Abundant Life.

He cites Matthew 22:34-40, where Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God with all one’s heart, soul and mind, followed by loving one’s neighbor as oneself, as support for his claim that the purpose of a person’s life is to “develop loving relationships.”

Trillo acknowledges that everyone faces difficult situations, but some react by becoming completely stressed out, while others are able to remain completely content despite the circumstances.

“What's the difference? It's their internal state, not their external circumstances, that causes stress,” maintains Trillo, founder of Breakthrough Ministries Worldwide which helps people overcome fear and bitterness to live an “abundant” life.

He says stress when boiled down is caused by fear of a situation and bitterness toward people, which occur when people become separated from God.

“When all is said and done, why is it that Christians are just as stressed as the rest of the world, considering that we're serving a supernatural God?" Trillo asked.

The ministry leader contends that it is because Christians are living for “counterfeit purposes.”

In his book, Trillo explores the root cause of stress, explains the four most common counterfeit purposes, and looks at links between stress and one’s health using medical statistics.

“When we are stressed, society has taught us to: sleep more, eat more, buy more, watch TV, play video games, go to counseling, take medication, take a vacation, etc,” Trillo said. “This is like applying a band-aid to a broken bone. These solutions are temporary at best, each a form of a broken promise – a cheap and temporary promise of relief.”

Trillo urges Christians to overcome their stress by finding their God-given purpose in life.

Christian Counseling

As a general rule, both Christian counseling and secular counseling share the same desire to help people overcome their problems, find meaning and joy in life, and become healthy and well-adjusted individuals, both mentally and emotionally. Most counselors have graduate degrees and have spent years learning their craft.

The word "counseling" can have multiple meanings, including offering advice and encouragement, sharing wisdom and skills, setting goals, resolving conflict, etc. Counselors usually probe the past (whether the problem happened a week ago or during childhood) in an attempt to repair the present. Sometimes they explore possible affects of physical and chemical imbalances that can cause physiological problems. A major part of counseling is resolving and restoring conflicts between people.

Christian counseling is distinct from secular counseling. Christian counseling rises to another dimension. "In contrast to psychologically-integrated systems, Biblical counseling seeks to carefully discover those areas in which a Christian may be disobedient to the principles and commands of Scripture and to help him learn how to lovingly submit to God's will," reports the International Association of Biblical Counselors.

Christian counselors are able to do that because they have an absolute standard by which to measure their objectives and evaluate their counselee's lifestyle. They see the Bible as the source of all truth. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 says, "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." The secular counselor uses a different standard. They use the latest psychological findings or societal norm. Christian counselors understand that the Bible has a lot of practical wisdom about human nature, marriage and family, human suffering, and so much more. By using biblical concepts in counseling, they can instruct people in the way they should go and also hold them accountable. Psalm 119:24 says, "Your statutes are my delight; they are my counselors."

Although Christian counselors often use skills from the field of secular psychology and counseling, they recognize that the Bible is the final authority. "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness" (2 Peter 1:3). A Christian counselor's major strategy is to help their clients substitute biblical truth for error as they go about their day-to-day lives. They know that the truth, when known, believed, and obeyed, sets people free. When people are set free, they are fulfilling their true calling. "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:32).

Pastoral Counseling

Pastoral counseling is a branch of counseling in which ordained ministers, rabbis, priests and others provide therapy services.

Only 6 states license the title "Pastoral Counselor": Arkansas, Kentucky, Maine, New Hampshire, North Carolina, and Tennessee. In many other states Pastoral Counselors may qualify for licensure as Marriage and Family Therapists or as Professional Counselors.

It is often synonymous with pastoral care.

How To Prevent Burnout

According to a London Daily Mail poll, more than half of those reading this right now are completely burned out on the job. How can you tell if you're burned out?

If you have lost that satisfied feeling at work and don't even revel in your own job accomplishments, there might be a problem. Are your coworkers asking if everything is okay with you? Have they noticed you acting depressed or even moody on the job? Have you been snapping at everyone?

Here's a telltale sign of work burnout: the minute you return from a vacation, the joy, happiness, and relaxation you felt are instantly gone, and you can't even manage to come back from lunch on time.

Another sign: procrastination is your new middle name.Dr. Alan Shelton, author of Transforming Burnout, studies worker burnout. He notes that you shouldn't feel alone if you're feeling this particular burn. Some three-quarters of all workers are hit with this feeling from time to time.

According to Dr. Shelton, vacations, days off, new hours and outside interests don't always help.

Professional counselors can help, especially if you're a workaholic who is stressed out by a desire for everything to be perfect all of the time.

The important thing is to find balance between work and other pursuits. Then work isn't the only focus. Dr. Shelton also suggests the following:

• Get a physical to rule out more serious health problems.
• Take care of the spiritual side of life. It will give you focus. Meditation and prayer can help with burnout because they take the focus off work. Make relaxation a priority in your life.
• Remind yourself that each morning is a new day to be appreciated. On the way to work find two or three things that make you happy, even if it's just a beautiful forest preserve on the side of the road or watching your kids.
• Exercise helps beat job burnout.
• Sleep helps beat job burnout.

[Research by John Tesh]

Sleep Better

Besides prescription and over-the-counter sleep aids, try these easy solutions for a good night's sleep:

Start by exercising more. Experts tell us if you want to get a good night's sleep, you need to have a good day's workout. Why would exercise help you sleep better? Exercise places physical stress on the body, and the brain responds by increasing the amount of time we spend in deep sleep.

Avoid eating one to two hours before crawling into bed. It is difficult to stay asleep if you your body is trying to digest the food you ate for your late night snack.

Avoid napping during the day. This can make it more difficult for you to fall asleep at night. You may be creating a vicious cycle, as a lack of nighttime sleep leads to the need for daytime naps.

Reduce your levels of stress. Be sure to have an active social life, interesting hobbies and anything else you can do to give yourself a sense of well-being. You want to go to sleep at night without having excessive worries and depression. Counseling can help.

Husband Appreciation Day

You've heard of Mother's Day, Father's Day, and even Grandparents' Day. But did you know there's a Husband Appreciation Day?

The third Saturday of April (this year, April 19) has been designated a day for wives to reflect on the various ways their spouse enriches their lives.Some ways to show your appreciation:

• Bring him his favorite breakfast in bed
• Treat him to a day of fun (movies, mini-golf, hiking)
• Take over some items from his "to-do" list
• Dine at his favorite restaurant

Still stumped? Ask him, "If you were crowned king for a day, what would your perfect day look like?" (Warning: Be prepared to make it happen!)

How healthy is your family?

How is your family doing relationally? Ask yourself these questions:

1. Am I closer to my spouse today than I was a year ago?
2. Have I read God’s word with my family this week?
3. Have I prayed with each member of my family this week?
4. Do my children know they come before the people in the church?
5. Are my children joyfully experiencing Christ at church or do they resent the church?
6. Does my spouse feel close to me spiritually?
7. If my spouse could have me change one thing about me, what would it be? (Why haven’t I changed in this way? What am I going to do about it?)
8. Are we honoring the Sabbath as a family?
9. Do my wife and kids enjoy being around me?
10. Can my family clearly articulate our family values and vision?

If you need help, contact the Relationship Clinic at 256-418-0620.

Why is my marriage in trouble?

In my experience, it has to do with one or more of the following issues:

1. Unrealistic Expectations - When a person goes into a marriage thinking the following… there is trouble on the way… “I know he/she isn’t exactly what I want right now – but marriage will change them.” (Hint – if you aren’t ready to commit to them as they are – DON’T COMMIT!) “This person will make me happy.” “I know he/she cheats on me now, but when we get married they will stop.” “I know he/she talks to me like I am garbage right now, but when we get married they will see the value in me.” “We’re going to have sex ALL OF THE TIME!” (Singles – marriage is about A LOT more than just sex!)
2. Ignoring The “Gut Check” Before The Marriage - I have counselled with lots of people who have unfortunately experienced divorce – and nearly every single one of them, when I pressed down on the issue, has said that they knew before they got married that they should not have – but wanted to go ahead and go through with it to save themselves from the embarrassment. If you KNOW it’s wrong – better a little embarrassment now than a lot of pain later.
3. Unwillingness To Work Through Issues - Married couples have their issues – that is just the way it is; however, the people you know that have strong marriages work through their issues. They talk honestly and openly with one another–they hold true to Ephesians 4:26-29. Once again – they talk TO ONE ANOTHER, not ABOUT ONE ANOTHER. They don’t go to their Bible study, accountability partner to bash their spouse … they sit down like a real man and woman and work it out!
4. The Other Person Becomes Unimportant - When work, hobbies or the kids replace the importance of the spouse then bad times are sure to follow. It’s work … but the marriage MUST remain the most important relationship on the planet.
5. The Greener Grass Syndrome - When a man/woman begins looking at “other options” and fantasizing about them – THAT is always trouble. The line between fantasy and reality become blurred … and often lines are crossed because a person will think, “I’ve done it wrong in this marriage … but he/she is my chance to start over and it will be wonderful.”
   Hey, guess what – the grass IS greener on the other side – but ONLY because it happens to be over the septic tank!
6. Money - I have seen more couples have the dumbest arguments over money. A couple will “fall in love” with each other and then “fall in love” with stuff, thus going out and accumulating debt in massive amounts so that they can have in three years what it took their parents 30 years to accumulate! If a couple isn’t doing the budget thing and having honest discussions about financial priorities – it WILL wreak havoc on the marriage.
7. Church/Godly Influences Are Pushed Out Of Their Lives - I’ve seen it so many times … a couple will be doing wonderful … involved in church, establishing solid friendships – until, one of them (usually the man) gets “busy” with work … the lady tries to hang in there without him for a while – but eventually become discouraged and gives up. Next thing you know they have absolutely NOTHING in common and wind up being strangers sleeping in the same bed. There is something absolutely amazing about connecting on a spiritual level – going to church and praying together, having godly friends that will encourage and support you. I just don’t think we were called to do life alone. (Hebrews 10:24-25.)

Setting Boundaries For Children

In setting rules for your children, consider these:

1. Every time you are in the company of others, you ought to show some sign of respect to those present.
2. Do not sing to yourself with a humming noise, or drum with your fingers or feet, in the presence of others.
3. Do not sleep when others speak, sit when others are standing, or speak when you should keep quiet. Do not walk away from someone who is speaking to you.
4. Do not try to joke or play with someone who does not feel like playing. Do not lean on or touch another person unless they give you permission.
5. Do not read letters, books, or pages in the company of others. If you have something urgent to read then ask your visitors to give you a few moments to go into another room for reading purposes. Do not read another person’s letters unless asked. Do not look over another person’s shoulder when they are trying to write.
6. When someone is speaking, be attentive and do not disturb the audience. If the speaker is having trouble forming words, do not try to help him unless asked to help. Do not interrupt the speaker, or ask him a questions, until his speech is ended.
7. Stay away from people who constantly speak about others people behind their back. Do not get into the habit of prying into the private life of any person.
8. Be thankful for the food that is set before you to eat, whether it be large or small. Do not find fault with the cooking that others do on your behalf. It is very improper to lean on the table when you eat. Do not grab food from the table in a greedy manner; rather, let other people take their food before you start to eat.
9. If you visit someone who is sick, do not try to play the physician unless you have training as a doctor. Always speak the truth plainly, using the Bible as your guide. A sick or lonely person should not be told a false report about their condition. False hope breeds misery.
10. It is improper and arrogant to try to teach someone to do something they already know how to do.
11. Do not push people into giving up secrets. Gossip is the sport of fools.
12. If two or more people are arguing with each other, do not seek to take sides until you are sure you know all the facts.
13. Do not start arguments at the dinner table. Good humor makes any meal a wonderful feast.
14. Give honor to whom honor is due. Render respect to those who are in authority regardless of their birth. Be sure to take off your hat and open the door for all women, as well as men.
15. Respect your elders at all times. Permit them the first chance to speak when in their company.
16. In writing or speaking, give to every person his due title, according to his degree and the custom of the place.
17. When you give someone else advice, be sure to give it in a spirit of modesty. Do not be quick to point out another person’s faults.
18. When you speak of God or His attributes, let it be seriously, in reverence. Never use God’s name unless it is for the purpose of worship, praise, or godly instruction.
19. Give honor to you parents for God’s sake, though they may be at times poor or cruel.
20. In your clothing, be modest and endeavor to accommodate nature, rather than to procure admiration. Keep to the fashion of your equals if they are civil and orderly with respect to times and places.
21. Do not play the peacock -- looking everywhere about to see if you are well decked, if your shoes fit well, if your stockings set neatly, and your clothes impress others.
22. Think before you speak and pronounce carefully; God will require each person to answer for each spoken word.
23. Do not make a habit of promising to do things that are beyond your normal ability to perform. When you make a promise, be sure you can keep it.
24. Make sure that you are organized when you give a speech. Do not bounce from one subject to another or repeat often the same matter.
25. Let your general daily attitude be pleasant, but in serious matters somewhat sober.
26. Never use bad language against anyone. Do not curse or revile them.
27. Do not mock or jest at anything of importance. If you happen to say something funny or pleasant, do not laugh at your own humor.
28. If you are to develop a good name and reputation, be sure to choose companions that have a godly character; for it is better to be alone than in bad company.
29. Never rejoice at another person’s calamity, even when there seems to be come cause. To avoid looking foolish, be sure to laugh only when there is just cause.
30. Give advice to others only when they ask for it to be given. Do not visit or stay at a place where you are not welcome. Be sure that you do not take undue advantage of another person’s kindness.
31. Do not state that something is true if you are not sure of the source. In sharing information with others, be slow to release the name of the author, for some information is better kept secret.
32. When a person does all that he can do to succeed in a noble endeavor, and yet fails, do not blame him for trying. Commend someone who has done a good deed, but do not engage in excess flattery.
33. Do not envy the blessings of others. God gives to all that honor Him more than they deserve.
34. Do not whisper to another person when you are among company. Furthermore, what you speak in secret to your friend, deliver not to another person’s ear.
35. Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. Moses brought down from Mount Sinai the Ten Commandments, not The Ten Suggestions.

(These rules of behavior were written by George Washington, at the ripe old age of thirteen!)

Unhealthy Relationships

Grief Web Site

This site is called "My Loving Tribute Community."

Grief is an issue that affects all of us at some point in our life. It challenges us at our very core …. and we feel tremendously alone.

Even though you may be feeling that sorrow you are NOT alone. This is a place where you can go and connect with others who have also suffered a loss.

This website was designed with your needs in mind.

It is an Online Support Community where people who are grieving can connect with others who are going through a similar experience.

There are several key features of this website … all intended to help a person come to terms with their grief.

You can create a Memorial Page to honor you loved one.

• You can share you experience with others in a loving and caring environment.
• The Community supports each other with loving thoughts, needed prayers, sound advice, and helpful materials.
• Here you can find the support, encouragement and strength to help you through this dark time.

http://www.mylovingtribute.com/